Those poor men!!

This is a great article about how the recession is mostly happening to men. A few of the highlights:
-Men dominate the hardest-hit sectors of the workforce during the recession, so more of them are being laid off than women. Boo hoo.
-For the first time in history, women are close to becoming half the workforce. This article says the milemark is bittersweet, but I say no it's not. Women are unemployed too. I would know.
-Even though women are nearly half the workforce, they still make 80 cents on the man's dollar. This lead to a very astute comment on the article stating that all of these previously male-dominated employment sectors are replacing those laid-off men with women whose salaries are 20% lower. It's a win-win for the upper echelon... as always.
The article is good, if too sympathetic to the men. The graph is hilarious, and the comments... well you should just go read it!

Stephanopolous takes down Gingrich

I thought this was definitely the high point of today's This Week. Gingrich is nothing but a hatemonger. He tells lies and spreads rumors, and the only time he gets called on it is when he is foolish enough to appear on a political talk show. You would think resigning in disgrace would be enough to convince him to keep his pie hole shut... but I guess the fact that he doesn't get it is at least good for entertainment value.

Another reason to feel sorry for white men

Silver Lining

1918 Flu-level pandemic means a lotta people are going to be missing work (read: dead)...Maybe I can finally get a job.

Friday Morning Stomachache

Pat Buchanan is all about protecting that endangered species, that put-upon, degraded, ignored, and under-appreciated white man. Among his more brilliant arguments on Rachel Maddow's show, when asked why 95.5% of supreme court justices thus far have been white:
I think white men were 100% of the people who wrote the constitution, 100% of the people who signed the Declaration of Independence, 100% of the people who died at Gettysburg and Vicksburg, probably close 100% of the people who died at Normandy. This has been a country basically built by white folks.
He says that Sotomayor isn't qualified for the supreme court because her test scores aren't high enough; because she got into Princeton based on her race rather than her intelligence; that she doesn't have the kind of mind to go up against, say, Scalia. He goes on to say that when all of the US Olympic track team is all black, he doesn't automatically assume discrimination. He thinks maybe they are just the fastest guys out there. When he looks at the US hockey team, and they are all white guys from Minnesota, he thinks maybe they are just the best hockey players out there. He says he opposed Harriet Meyer because she too wasn't qualified and didn't have the best thinking mind; even though she was a good Christian woman and would have voted with him. It's the THINKING MIND that matters. So following his own words, when he looks at the Supreme Court of the United States and sees they are all white guys, well, he thinks maybe they are just the smartest guys out there.
He goes out on this note: "They ought to defend the legitimate rights of white working class folks who are the victims of discrimination because that's the right thing to do and because it's the politically right thing to do."
He is absolutely convinced of his argument. It's just scary. Next time he appears in public I think he might be wearing a white hood.

heehee!!!

This guy's really funny.

Signs of improvement

The economy must be improving, because last week I started receiving credit card offers again. Also I got checks to use the cards I already have. That hasn't happened in about a year.

Those funny republicans

Did you see this? How about these? And this? Aren't they funny, those republicans? Know what they all had in common? Apologies. Oh, they are so sorry. They never meant to offend anyone. They just thought they were being humorous. They didn't see anything overtly racist! They don't think of things in terms of black and white!
Know what? How about when you idiots do stuff like this, you keep your self-serving apology? How about instead, you grow a pair and say that those thoughts should not be crossing your mind IN THE FIRST PLACE? How about if you say that you understand you did something racist, and that you are going to try to change your thought processes? At least, for the love of pete, stop trying to convince us that you're not really racist. YOU ARE.

The Patriarchy

We are approaching the official Celebration of the Patriarchy, otherwise known as Father's Day. I have been hearing the most vile commercial on the radio, trying to convince people to shop for Father's Day at the Foothills Mall here in Tucson. In the commercial, someone is listing great things about dads. I can't remember the exact wording or voices until the part where someone says, "To his own special way of dealing with the ladies." This is followed by a wolf whistle, then a boy's voice says, "Dad, stop staring!" After that there is the sound of a slap, and a male voice says, "Ow!"
Really?
Are you kidding me?
This is a quality of a "great dad?" A great dad is someone whistling at a woman who is clearly not the child's mother, in front of his child? Someone who stares at random women in front of his son? Really? It's sexist and awful. VILE.
So, I wrote a letter to the management. If you want to write a letter, the email addresses are at the link above.

Update: Got this today from the marketing director:
Hello,
I just wanted to let you know that the Marketing Director has been instructed to pull the commercial immediately.
Thank you again.

Victory

Historic anti-smoking legislation sped to final congressional passage on Friday — after a bitter fight lasting nearly a half-century — and lawmakers and the White House quickly declared it would save the lives of thousands of smokers of all ages. Even more important, they said, the measure could keep countless young people from starting in the first place.
_ Cigarette packages will have warning labels that cover 50 percent of the front and rear. The word "warning" must be included in capital letters.

_ Any remaining tobacco-related sponsorships of sports and entertainment events will be banned, as will giveaways of non-tobacco items with the purchase of a tobacco product. A federal ban will be imposed on all outdoor tobacco advertising within 1,000 feet of schools and playgrounds.

_ Point-of-sale advertising will be limited to adults-only facilities, and remaining vending machines will disappear except in places restricted to adults. Retailers who sell to minors will be subject to federal enforcement and penalties.

_ Smokers, particularly the younger crowd, will find they can no longer buy cigarettes sweetened by candy flavors or any herb or spices such as strawberry, grape, orange, clove, cinnamon or vanilla. Cigarettes advertised as "light" or "mild," giving the impression that they aren't as harmful to health, will no longer be found on store shelves.

The FDA tried to exert authority over tobacco products in the 1990s, but the industry fought back and the Supreme Court in 2000 ruled, in a 5-4 decision, that the agency did not have regulatory powers over tobacco under then-existing law. Several efforts by lawmakers since then had fallen short, victims of industry lobbying and opposition from the Bush White House.

This NEVER would have happened without the election of Barack Obama.

DOH!!!

I started a math class for my master's degree on Monday. We adjusted the schedule that day so that we could be done before July 4th weekend. As a class, we voted to begin class at 8:30 and end at noon, instead of going 9:00 - 11:45, which was the original scheduled time. Well, I went home and didn't look at my notes, and put 9:00 in my calendar. So for the last 2 days in a row, I have been 1/2 hour late for class. Both days when I have come in, there has been discussion about classroom issues going on. Things like, "This division algorithm seems really complicated to me. How would I explain it to 7th graders?" Things that aren't math. So I didn't realize I was coming in late, because it seemed to me class hadn't started yet.
The teacher for this class is also my thesis advisor. I had spent some hours on my thesis problem and wasn't sure about how I was doing, so I emailed him asking if he could stay after class to read what I had and tell me if I was on the right track. He didn't respond to my email. So yesterday after class I asked if he received my email. He said yes, but he was acting very strangely... he wouldn't look me in the eye, and his words were terse. He said we could talk about it and we both sat down. Then he says, "The thing is, you have to start showing up on time." I said I thought I was on time. He told me class started at 8:30. I'm quite certain my horror was obvious on my face. I apologized, and his response to my apology was, "You voted on the time change." I said I put the wrong time in my calendar, and I would make sure to be on time. I've been in this master's program for 2 years now. I've rarely been late or absent for any of my classes. It seems to me this is a forgivable offense. Anyway, I got out my thesis notebook and showed him what I had been doing. I said, "This is my restatement of the problem, and this is what I have so far." Bear in mind, I had told him in the email that I needed to know if I was on the right track, and he said he received my email. So he looks at what I have on the first page, and without bothering to turn the page and see the rest of it, he says, "So what is your question?" And he didn't say it nicely. I said, "I just need to know whether I am on the right track." I turned the page so he could see what I had written about how to solve the problem, and this is what he says to me: "Why did you write all this stuff?" Well, I was done with him at that point. I can't remember the time when I felt more stupid than at that moment. I said, "That is what I was thinking when I was trying to figure out how the problem was constructed." I must have conveyed my anger and desire to flee, because he finally lightened up and started talking to me about how to approach the problem. I listened to what he said, offered no more of my own thoughts, and thanked him. I got up and apologized again for my mistake with the starting time, and again my apology went unacknowledged.
So, even though I really love the things we are doing in class, I don't want to go. My feelings are hurt. I made a mistake... I see no reason why he should be possessed to be so rude and unkind to me. All I can do is apologize and fix the mistake. The worst part is that the next time I need help with my thesis problem, it will be exceedingly difficult to approach him. I doubt I will be able to bring myself to do it. I want nothing to do with him. Maybe given some time, I will feel better about the situation... I hope so... because it's a fucking THESIS and I might need some fucking HELP.

I found it!!!

I found it!! My perfect job.

I wish I hadn't clicked the link

Now that I have, however, I must share it with you.
Everybody knows that the Old Boy's Club hates Sotomayor. What is there to like about her? First of all, she has a vagina. Strike one. Second, she is other than Caucasian. Strike two. Third of all, she has the audacity to think that strikes one and two allow her some kind of BENEFIT when it comes to her ability to judge people, things, and situations. Think of it! Being other than a white male, in this, the U.S. of A., and thinking there's some kind of ADVANTAGE to this fact!
Obama's decision to nominate a Hispanic female to the Supreme Court is just the latest in a long sequence of attempts to de-white-cockify our government. We can't stand for it! Before long, women and coloreds will have more influence than the long-suffering white American male! People, take action!
It just struck me yesterday the reason for the super-abundance of hate-filled, racist verbal diarrhea regarding Sotomayor that is spewing from the predominately white, male talking heads on the news networks. The past White House positions that Obama has filled with other than white males have all been appointments. There's no debate about those. This, however, is a nomination. (I'm a little slow, I know.) The point is that finally, the talking heads feel they have some say in the matter. The hatred and bigotry that they have been forced to stifle in the first 100 days is all coming out at once, with a vengeance, and is all directed at the same woman. And what exactly can they say about her? See strikes one, two, and three above.
Turns out that's enough.

Listen up, Dickheads

The only thing you have going for you now is money. And that's temporary.

Awesome

You should really go here and watch all of the old school Sesame Street clips. I promise you, you haven't had that much fun sitting at your computer in a long time.

You have to wonder...

You have to wonder about your mental state when you choose to wash down your gas-x with diet soda.

Bitter much??

At my daughter's graduation last night, I ran into the parent of a former student. I had this student my very first year teaching, four years ago. I was teaching 6th grade math and science, and every teacher had to teach an elective. The teacher chose the topic of the elective, and I chose to teach the kids how to make sense of fractions using cookie recipes. We would spend a few days doubling or tripling a recipe, draw little cups and quarter cups of flour and sugar, etc. I called the class "Cookies 101." After we learned the math and figured out how much of each ingredient we needed, we actually made the cookies. It was a fun class, and none too difficult, I assure you.
So when I ran into this parent (who by the worked at the high school my daughter graduated from, so they knew each other) I said hi to her and then was talking to someone else. In the background I hear her say, "Cookies 101." I turned to her and said, "What? Are you talking about my old class?" She says, "That's the only class my daughter ever got a C in." She makes a C shape with her hand.
I wish I could have said what I was thinking... Lady. Get. A. Life. But I didn't. Instead I said, "How do you get a C in cookies 101?" Then I moseyed away. Really, I just think she needs to MOVE ON. I hope I never have to see her again.

This can't be happening.

Well, here it is on the day of my daughter's high school graduation, and I am up at oh-dark-thirty. A nightmare woke me up and there was just no chance of going back to sleep.
I want to stay in bed all day. I don't want to do anything. I definitely don't want to go to work. I am packing up my classroom and getting ready to store all my teaching things in my garage once again. I am deeply depressed about having to start over at another school. This will be the 4th time in 5 years. There must be something wrong with me.
I helped graduating daughter with her salutatorian speech last night. She just needed a little assistance getting her thoughts down... the nervousness about giving the speech was getting in her way. I think in the end it will be a very good speech. She is so happy... I can tell that I am hurting her feelings because I am not happy with her. I am trying, I really am, but my God! You drop them off at Kindergarten and cry because you have to let them go, and in the blink of an eye they are 18, it's done, and you REALLY have to let go. Although I love and treasure the fine young adult she has grown into, I miss my baby.
She has stopped checking in with me regularly. She just understands that it's time now for her to live her own life. There was no conversation... it just happened. Part of me is thankful that we're normal, and the break is happening the way it is supposed to. But, I miss my baby.
I remember when she was born and they had to do a c-section after I had been in labor for over 24 hours. We were both so drugged up by the time she finally arrived that she didn't even cry. I remember being in recovery and trying to nurse her, and family kept coming in to see her. I understood their need to see her but I wished they would leave. I wanted those moments all to myself. If I had it to do over again, I would tell the staff that nobody could come in - NOBODY. I would keep those precious minutes all to myself.
The first night after she was born, I woke up in the early hours and she wasn't in her little bassinet next to my hospital bed. I panicked and called the nurse, and she brought the baby to me immediately. I was stunned that she must have been crying and I hadn't woken up... and very dismayed. What kind of mother would I be if I couldn't wake up when the baby cried at night? It wasn't until many years later that I realized the nurses must have swooped her up before she could wake me because I was recovering from surgery. I certainly didn't have to worry about not waking up... I could hear her sighing from another room. Something magical happens to a mother's hearing in those first few months.
As she grew up, I spent a lot of time simply stunned by her. She spoke her first word, "book," and held "Hop on Pop" up to me to read it to her. She embraced her little sister 14 months after she was born and I never saw a single sign of jealousy. She excelled in school from the get-go. She learned how to treat others well and how to control her temper. She figured out which kind of people she wanted to associate herself with, and who she would rather stay away from. She grew up.
She has made me proud all her life. Now she's off to find her own way in the world, and of one thing I am certain - she will continue to make me proud. Goodbye to your childhood, Jessica. I treasure every second it lasted. Thank you for being my daughter.

Hey, dumbass, I'm trying to save the world here.

I just went to the grocery store, with my reusable bags, like I always do. My new year's resolution was to cut down my use of plastic as much as possible. I bought bags at Trader Joe's (who has really cute bags for 99 cents by the way, made out of recycled plastic, so there's really no excuse to be using disposable plastic bags, y'all) and I try to remember to use them for every store I go into. Anyway, I got up to the checkout and the cashier started ringing up my stuff. I said to the guy, "I have my own bags." He says ok, and then just keeps going. I can see the bagger putting everything in plastic bags, so I finish unloading the cart and get down to where she is and say, "I really don't want any plastic." She says, "Oh, ok," and takes the reusable bags I hand her, and then starts putting the plastic bags in my cart! I said "No, can we take them out of the plastic? I really don't want any plastic!" So now I'm holding up the line, and the dumbass cashier finally starts helping us take everything out of the plastic bags and put it in the reusable bags. Honestly. What a moron.

10 minutes in the life

Teacher: All right now, you all have chosen a career from the list, written down your annual salary, and just now we figured out what your paycheck will be every two weeks. Everyone's paycheck is different, because you have all chosen different careers. Now it's time to pay the man. First off, you have to pay 1.5% of your paycheck to the government for medicare.
Student: What's medicare?
T: Health insurance for when you get old.
S: I'm not old yet. Why do I have to pay it?
T: Because when you are retired, you won't be working, so you won't have health insurance. You are paying now so that the money is there when you get old.
S: Ok.
T: What is 1.5% of your paycheck? Well first we have to convert 1.5% into a decimal. Who remembers how to do that?
(crickets chirping)
T: All right, we move the decimal.....
(crickets chirping)
T: Two places.....
S: Oh! To the right!
T: No.
S: To the left?
T: Yes. So we have....
S: Point zero one five.
T: Good! Now on your calculator, each of you punch in YOUR two week salary, which is your paycheck amount. Then push TIMES. Then push point zero one five. Depending on your career, you should end up with somewhere between five dollars and 80 dollars.
S: Mine says zero point zero zero zero five six.
T: Does that make sense?
(crickets chirping)
T: How much money is that?
(crickets chirping)
T: Is it more than a dollar or less than a dollar?
S: Less?
T: Ok, let's try it again. Put your paycheck amount into the calculator.
S: This one?
T: No, that is your annual salary. How much do you make every two weeks?
S: This one?
T: Yes. Put that in. Now, put point zero one five.
S: But miss, when I do that it says zero point zero one five!!!
T: That's ok, because that's the same thing.
S: Oh yeah.
T: Now push equals. What does it say?
S: one two point two three six seven.
T: How much money is that?
S: This is money?

Stupidity

Because this is what unemployed people need... a free 24-hour hard on.
Imbeciles!

A-S-WHO?????

I thought this site must be either mistaken or full of it when they said that ASU had refused to give President Obama an honorary degree when he speaks at the commencement later today. But then I found out it is true!!! Every ugly word! What the hell?! He should have gone to the U of A instead. There, we know how to treat people. Especially people who also happen to be President Hottie.

Down for the count

Something is very wrong... after a day and a half of antibiotics my parotitis is worse, not better. Of course the doctor said that it would take 72 hours before they start to really work, so I'm probably jumping the gun. But the other side is starting to hurt, which freaks me out. Is there a chance I actually have the mumps? I don't see how. When I looked parotitis up on the internet, one of the causes is a compromised immune system, which I probably had after the half-marathon. Another cause is several different strains of flu, so it could be I just have to wait it out. I'm probably just being a big baby.

Sacrifice

I guess I'm just a bad mom. When it comes to the true sacrifices, I just can't cut it.
I have an infection and inflammation in my parotid gland, which in layman's terms means my head and neck freaking hurt. I want nothing more than to stay in bed. I don't even want to eat. So the timing is great because it's my oldest daughter's senior prom, and it's my youngest daughter's choir awards banquet. Early this morning I went with the oldest daughter to take her car through emissions testing. Then we went shopping because I needed something decent for the awards banquet. We came home and I crashed for two hours. Then I got up and did hours of fingernails, toenails, make-up and hair. Finished just in time to get myself and youngest to the awards banquet. Youngest daughter did not sit with me during dinner so I had to make stupid small talk with the other parents, whom I don't even know or care about. Got through the dinner and then the extremely annoying, conceited, self-important choir teacher got up to make her speech. She stepped up to the microphone and said, "Hello," and it was very loud. The volume was up too high. Then she says, "That's what happens when you have your master's degree in vocal performance. You learn to project!" Vomit. Seriously. She said she wanted to tell us about her experience teaching our kids in their choir classes. She started her speech with, "The first day of school..." I thought it was a joke but it wasn't!!! She talked for 45 minutes nonstop about the school year. When that was over, she started giving out awards. Award after award after award. When youngest daughter had received all of the awards she told me she would get, I asked her if she could find a ride home. She asked the girl next to her, who said yes, and I said I just had to go back to bed. I could not sit and listen to that woman talk for another two hours, which was the time the banquet was scheduled to end. So, like I said, when it comes to the tough sacrifices I just can't hack it. I came home, took a bunch of drugs, went to bed, and started blogging instead. Soon I'll be asleep and it will all be a distant memory.

Time doesn't fly

Every day at work seems to last forever this week. It's a combination of my excitement for this weekend's trip to Newport Beach, plus the kids have end-of-school-itis which makes life kind of miserable. Yesterday they were complaining because I am still making them do work, and I just have all these tricks to make them work, and they can't wriggle out of it. So I said well, then complain to your parents, and then have your parents complain to the principal, and maybe we'll all get lucky and she'll fire me. Or I have another idea, start a petition. One of them says, "No offense Ms. P, but we already tried that." I about bust a gut laughing. Of course I already knew about the petition but none of them had ever copped to participating before.
On a down note, it looks like this will be one of those weekends where bringing work home with me is unavoidable. The kids are taking their placement test for next year, which will decide whether they qualify for the high-school credit algebra class or regular 8th grade algebra. The principal wants the lists ASAP so I have to get those tests graded. The good news is that I will only grade the kids who have a shot at actually qualifying for the HS algebra class, so out of 120 students I'll only grade about half their tests. I can also grade during the day while they are testing, so hopefully there won't be much left to do at the end of the day.

Idiot Men

Yesterday was my last longish run before the half marathon. I was going to go 5 miles. I planned a downhill route because the first 5 of the marathon is downhill and I wanted to see what it was going to feel like and how fast I could do it. Anyway it was all a huge mistake, and I realized in the first 5 minutes that I had pushed way too hard yesterday and I was probably not going to finish the 5 miles, much less go fast. But I didn't have my cell phone and it didn't occur to me to turn around and go home, so I just struck up a slow and steady pace and before long I was doing ok. I was miserable but holding up.
The whole time I have been training for this half marathon in the area where I live, there has been almost a complete lack of the kind of behavior I used to put with in Phoenix when I went walking or tried to run. The behavior I speak of is people driving past in cars and throwing things out of their windows, or hollering at me, swerving in my direction, etc. I was so pleased with the fact I hadn't had to deal with any of that, and I thought how much nicer Tucson is than Phoenix. Until yesterday.
I was already having a bad time, and about 2 miles or so into the run a truck drove by in the opposite direction and someone hollered. I am not sure what they said but I'm pretty sure it wasn't flattering. Then I got to the part of the route that I have never run on before. It's down a kind of busy road but there is plenty of dirt on the side of the road to run in. I was hobbling along and right behind me a car slams on their brakes hard enough to send a large puff of smoke right in my face and make a sound loud enough to scare the living daylights out of me. Then they drove off laughing.
There have also been positive things happen on my runs. I get thumbs up, people honk and wave, fellow runners go by and wave and sometimes smile.
Here's the thing: My experience has been that whenever someone is rude it has been a younger male or males - late teens to twenties. Every single time. The hollering. The throwing of objects out the window. The guy at the Domino's who wouldn't give me water. Yesterday with the screeching tires. Every. Single. Time.
The women are the ones that honk and wave. When a fellow woman runs by, she is the one that smiles at me. (There is a man every now and then too, and they have always been my age or older.)
So I wonder why these men (and I use the term loosely) behave this way. Is it because they see a 200-lb woman, out of her element and clearly struggling, but successfully doing something tougher than they have ever done in their pathetic lives? Is it because they still mentally operate like 12-year-olds and they still have the childish need to feel superior, and the only way they can do that is to make someone else feel bad? Maybe they just have small dicks? Maybe they just are small dicks. I don't know. What I do know is that those are the times I see the meanest behavior my little corner of the world has to offer. And it happens at the times in my life when I am most vulnerable - huffing and puffing down that road under the power of my own two feet, sweating and pushing myself every step of the way.
But, the bottom line is, a little encouragement goes a very long way. And the meanness, well, it's just never going to break me.

I gave away the cheesecake...

but I ate two pieces before I did it. Then I ordered pizza for dinner and had two pieces plus a cheesy breadstick. Then jellybeans. Oh and a couple of 100-calorie packs of baked cheetos, and a small bag of potato chips that I had sitting around from a trip to Beyond Bread. I ate until I was sick. I couldn't stop myself. I don't know what to do.
I really hope for a better day today. I hate to see myself undoing all of my hard work. But my final paycheck is drawing near, the extra expenses keep coming in, and I'm not sure how we'll make it through the summer. So I eat.

Progress

Yesterday in math class my students had a problem where they were relating two variables to each other. For example, if you wanted to explain the relationship between the number of hours spent watching tv and grade point average, you would say that as the number of hours spent watching tv increases, the grade point average decreases.
One of the problems was relating the cost of a long distance phone call to the length (in minutes) of the phone call. Some of my students were flummoxed. One of them said, "I just don't know what this even means." I had to explain to them that in the olden days, before cell phones, when you wanted to call someone who lived far away it was called long distance. The further away they lived, the more money it cost to talk to them. The phone company charged you per minute. It's not like today where you just dial your cell phone and a minute is a minute no matter who you are calling.
I felt about as old as dirt.

the sweetest

I just want to make sure everyone has seen this. It is just one of the sweetest things I have ever seen. It moves me to tears every time I watch!

Pink Slips

A bunch of teachers in my school district got pink-slipped yesterday. Three teachers at my school were included but I don't know who they are. All I know is there were a bunch of upset-looking teachers walking around yesterday.
I am not sure anyone knows how many of the teaching positions in my district, especially math and science, are filled with temporary teachers. When we read the news articles and statements from the district, and comments from anyone and everyone, nobody ever mentions the temporary teachers. They are talking about teachers who are on permanent contract with the district, who are being laid off. It's scary because it's a double whammy and nobody knows about it. Along with the teachers being laid off, there are at least twice as many temporary positions, probably more, and then factor in the people who are retiring or leaving the district for other reasons. There will be 40 kids per classroom next year, and fourth grade teachers will be teaching 8th grade math because they have seniority with the district. Is this really the best we can do, Arizona?

I don't heart teaching

I've been having a hard time with one of my students. No big deal - comes with the territory. It's never even about me, it's about whatever else is going on in their lives, that manifests itself in the classroom. Especially with the kids whose parents aren't doing their jobs. The classroom is the only place they are held accountable for behavior and they don't like it. They usually take it out on me. It's part of the job. They're 12. Right? This particular child has a very bad situation. He lives with his father, who literally doesn't give a shit about him. His mother lives in Phoenix, but she's the one we are supposed to communicate with. The kid is an absolute basket case. He bullies and harasses the other kids. He is incredibly disrespectful to adults. He is one of those that thinks he is the class clown, and does stupid things to get attention but instead of laughing the other kids roll their eyes.
His mother is just downright nasty. Since the kids is constantly in trouble, the emails fly back and forth like crazy. (She is deaf, so that is her preferred means of communication.) Every single email we send to her is responded to with excuses about his behavior, and accusations and insinuations about why it's our fault, not his.
On Monday this kid had a very bad day in my class. He hates the class (it's an elective and we do calculator stuff or current events) so every single day he asks to go somewhere as soon as the bell rings. After a few days of this I just started saying, as soon as you are done with your work, you can go. Monday, the kids had just come in from lunch and I was getting them their calculators and their assignments, and this kid asks to go to the bathroom. I gave him my stock response for right after lunch - no, you can't go to the bathroom/get a drink/ use the phone/ talk to the counselor, you just had lunch. You have to do that kind of stuff on your own time. Well, he didn't like that one bit. He asked again, and this time I said, yes you can go - just do your work first and I will let you go. He asked again and I ignored him. He asked over and over again, his voice getting louder and louder, and finally got up with his things and left the room. I just said, don't come back. I wrote a referral, and sent an email to my team, the administration, and his mother, telling exactly what happened. We moved on with class, as always, like nothing happened.
Yesterday I got to work and was greeted with a nasty email from the mother, of course. She made some excuses, and then said that there was one thing she thought was particularly inappropriate. She said that her son told her as soon as he left the room, a friend of his told him that I was talking about him after he left and saying that he was just doing this for attention. She said she thought it was totally unprofessional and who would do that, talking about a kid after they left the room? Opinions like that should be kept in the teacher's lounge, not the classroom, she said. She said the kids are making fun of her son, saying that he does things just for attention. (I wonder if it occurred to her that this doesn't even make sense - the only people that would have heard me, had her son been telling the truth, were still in the classroom. He left alone, so how could a friend tell him anything?)
I responded to all and said I wasn't sure where this came from... we had resumed class as if nothing had happened, and all I had said to him was that he couldn't come back. If the other kids are making fun of him, then it is probably because they are witness to his behavior every day. I said that if she had any doubts about her son's behavior, or my behavior for that matter, she should come and observe my classroom before she jumped to conclusions. I said I work way too hard for my students to be spoken to and treated in this manner.
My entire teaching team, all three of them, replied to all and said that if this kid continues to have excuses made for him, nothing will change; that we are professionals and have been trained to work with kids; that the only person responsible for this kid's behavior is this kid. Parent replied with the same accusation, again with a rude tone, which I just deleted.
This is where it gets nasty. At lunch I found, in my mailbox, an article about how important it is to build relationships with middle school students. Somebody anonymously put it in my box. As if I didn't know that I need to have good relationships with my students. As if I haven't written papers on the subject. As if no matter what is happening, I am not doing enough. My team backed me up, so I know it wasn't one of them. It had to have been either the principal or assistant principal. I tend to think it was the principal. When a kid does something rotten and gets kicked out of class, her response is to sit with them in her office and give them warm fuzzies until their mood improves. Whatever - that is her decision. I, however, am a math teacher. I am not going to stop class and give warm fuzzies to some jerk who is disrupting, and take even more time away from the other thirty-something kids that need to learn their math, so that their mood will improve. I don't really care about their mood. It's math class, not kindergarten.
I sat the kid down after that and had a little chat. I told him exactly what his mother said - that he told her a friend told him that I was talking about him after he left the room. He says no, no, this happened a long time ago. Another teacher said she wouldn't sit me in the middle of the room because I would just try and get everyone's attention. My mom got it mixed up. I then told him that his mom said kids were making fun of him, saying he does things for attention. He said nobody is making fun of him. I said, are you sure? Because we can't have people bullying you. He said he was fine, nobody was bullying him. I said, if someone was, would you tell an adult that could help you? He said yeah. I typed up the transcript of the interview and it's in my computer.
This whole time, I have been thinking about some of the best advice I ever read - If you don't know what to do, don't do anything. So I haven't done anything. I thought, maybe I am overreacting. I will feel better tomorrow. But I don't feel better. I feel betrayed. When I started at that school in October, those kids HATED me. They had got through the entire first quarter of school without having to do anything in math. Now all of a sudden they had to be on time, act right, work the whole class period, and do homework. When they acted like an idiot, they got sent to the office with a referral. They absolutely could not stand me. They complained to the other teachers incessantly. They wanted the sub back.
There are 130 of them. At this point I would say that at least 110 of them like me. A few don't care about anything, but they don't cause me any grief. Then there is that small percentage that I have never been able to reach.
I think that for the administration to expect me to build relationships with all 130 kids, given the situation I came into, is a superhuman feat. The bottom line is that someone, probably the principal, agrees with this kid's mom that it's the teachers, not the kid. Not the kid's situation in life, which we have no control over. Not the kid's behavior, which we have no control over. So I guess I am supposed to just let him disrupt the class at his discretion, let him go wherever he wants, not make him do his work, etc. so that I can have a good relationship with him. There's just one problem - that's not a good relationship. That's the same relationship he has with every other adult in his life, who does not call him out on his crap. I refuse to be one of those adults.

One funny comic

You have to read this. It stars my hero, Judge Judy.

AIMS

Well it's that time of year again... an entire week of testing for the kids. They are dreading the testing but seem excited about the new schedule because things will be different for a week. They sure love novelty. I hate AIMS week because it's so boring. I can't get any work done because I have to watch the kids so closely, to make sure they aren't texting. So I just sit and watch, for two hours, every day. Ugh.

Temper, temper!

I lost my temper with one of my students yesterday. He comes in every day and just sits there at his desk. He can't even be bothered to take out a piece of paper and a pencil. This is a trigger for me. If the kids can't even make the effort to try, I get really aggravated and feel like they are wasting my time. I go to the trouble to make good, accurate, valid bellwork questions. I go to the trouble to find the best resources, the ones that will best prepare them for AIMS and for their future in math. So it's really a trigger for me when they won't do their part. I have lots of kids who don't do their part, but they at least pretend, because they don't want me coming after them. Well this kid is just baiting me. He's doing it on purpose, to make me mad. The first thing I did when I realized this was move him to the back corner of the room and decided to ignore whether or not he was trying. Earn your F quietly, that's my motto. But then he started talking, because he could see that just sitting there wasn't going to get me mad anymore. So I start giving him a warning, and then when he doesn't stop talking, I move him to the back table so he is alone. He often refuses to move, talks back constantly, makes faces like he just can't understand why I am such a bitch to him. I kick him out more often than not because I don't get paid enough to babysit this little piece of shit. His mom lives in another city and is constantly badgering me about why her precious son is failing. He lives with his dad who we have never been able to actually contact. Clearly this kid has no supervision. it's a sad situation, and if he didn't get under my skin so much, I might be able to form a relationship with him and try to teach him to act right. But I can't. I can't stand him. So yesterday I told him to move to the back table, and he started talking back and didn't move. So I counted to three, and finally he started getting up his stuff, talking back, so disrespectful the whole time. The thing he says most often is, Oh my god. So I said it back, Oh my god. He said it again, and I said it again. I was mimicking him. So this went on for about four rounds, and I said, you just don't learn. He said, I don't care, so what? I said well, you just don't learn. You know what that makes you? I was hoping he would understand that I was calling him a dumbass, but all he said was, I don't care, so what? This entire exchange was in front of the rest of the class. It was so unprofessional. I get the feeling though, that this kid thinks he can act however he wants to me, and say whatever he wants to me, and I have to be nice to him. That's just not the case... if a student is rude to me, they get rude right back. If a student starts rolling eyes and making faces, I do it right back to them. This has never failed me before... once I start mirroring a student, they stop immediately and do whatever it is I wanted them to do. But this kid enjoys seeing me get mad. I have to stop getting mad.

Fascinating!

I just read this article about dreams. I have had extremely vivid dreams all my life.

Bitchery

I love me some good bitchery. Yesterday I had good reason for it!! Dammit!! At work, the AC is normally on all the time. No matter how cold the weather is outside, put 35 pre-adolescents in a small room and it's going to get hot and stuffy. So yesterday the high temperature outside was 90 degrees. Yes, 90. I know because that is what my car said when I went home, and my car does not lie to me. By about 11:00 yesterday, my classroom was absolutely stifling. The kids kept begging me to open the door, but it was even warmer outside than it was inside, for a while. So I opened it anyway just to shut them up. By 2:00, it was hotter inside than outside, and outside was 90 degrees. I canceled my tutoring and got the hell out of there. I really hope the ac is working today. I should be paid extra or something.

Ode to Post-it Notes

You come in all colors, so I never get bored.
You stop me forgetting markers for my white board.
You remind me when my kids will come home from school late;
You remind me of my Sunday night coffee date.
I have to write checks for Emily's lunch,
I have to remember to make Jessica more punch,
I need to put all of our clothes in the dryer,
I shut off the crock pot so the house won't catch fire.
I leave notes for the kids to tell them I've gone,
I remember to hire a landscaper for the lawn.
I've got to make appointments for us with the doctor;
On Saturday there is a test I must proctor!
In all of these things you help me keep sane
For in my old age, my memory does wane
The only thing is, when I use that last note
To remind me to buy more whole grain oat
And your holder on the fridge door is bare
Remember to buy more myself - do I dare??

Short Week

The fuss over Rodeo puzzles me every year, as I just can't relate and pretty much don't get it! But there is always one good thing about it and that is the 3 day week. As usual, I am planning a test the day before the break to keep those squirrely preteens in check. The topping on the cake is that there is no staff meeting or professional development on Wednesday after school like there usually is. So I get to leave at 2:00!!

It's the love, ya'll!!

One more reason why Carla is so amazing: Padma made an "mmmmmm" face and Colicchio may have actually giggled(!) while sampling Carla's delicious-looking beignet and (less appealing-looking) oyster stew. I ask my fellow Top Chef enthusiasts: Have you ever seen either of them do anything remotely like that when eating any other "cheftestant's" food, in this or any other season?

And good for her for making a non-alcoholic cocktail. You rule, Carla! It's the love. I can almost feel it emanating from my teevee machine.

Ghetto School

I am so worried about my future. Really, really worried. The budget cuts in education are going to be drastic. I will probably be able to find a job somewhere, at some school, but it's probably not going to be at the school I want, teaching the grade I want. To be truthful I am really feeling like I want to leave teaching. But the economy is so bad... nobody is hiring, everyone is cutting back. I may be forced to keep teaching even though it's not what I want anymore, and thank my lucky stars for any job I can get! I worry that next year I will have to change schools AGAIN, which means another year of setting up shop, getting used to the kids, leaving my friends and starting over, and reinventing the wheel if it's a different grade level because I can't use the resources I have built up. I have to find new ones.
Yesterday I had an incident with one of my students. He pushed by me, then made a fist and rushed up as if to hit me. I am going to press charges against him because to do otherwise would jeopardize the safety of my colleagues. The students and the other teachers were really shaken after it happened, everyone feeling kind of unsafe because this student just completely freaked out and really came close to hitting me. So I am thinking, I need this? I need to work my ass off for THIS?? Really?? Then at lunch another teacher said that the big fight that happened the other day was on YouTube. I went home and checked, and sure enough, one of the kids had recorded the fight and posted it. I know that every generation shakes their heads and says, "These kids today... What is society coming to?" That's where I am at. I can't relate to them, I don't understand them. I am shocked and horrified by some of them.
It's possible that after I calm down I will think what I usually think... that I can't imagine not teaching, and that any other job is going to be boring and stupid. Lord knows I've tried enough of them. In the end, the rewards of teaching outweigh the pain and sorrow of the job. Still, there's a part of me that wants to finish my math degree, be an actuary, and never have to deal with other people at all.

Wednesday Bitchery

Wednesday is now my day of rest, so I am afraid there isn't much bitchery going on. On Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, I run/walk. On Saturday, I cross train with a body flow class that is part pilates, part yoga, and part tai chi. Wednesday is the only day I completely rest the bod. It's also the night one of my favorite people in the world comes over for dinner and helps Jessica with her Calculus. So I kind of adore Wednesday now.
Anyway if you want to read some bitchery see the last 1000 posts or so.

Fantasy Land

A note from a parent I received yesterday:

"Dear Ms. (my name),
I would really like for (son's name) to come in for extra help after school three days a week. I would really like to get his grade up.

(her name)"

The note I really would have loved to write back:

"Dear parent who lives in fantasy land,
Lady, I don't know where you work or who you work for, but I seriously doubt that if some whack-job asked you to stay after quitting time and work an extra hour for free three days a week, you would agree to do it. If you want private instruction for your precious baby, you'll have to pay for it. And you'll have to pay somebody else because I see as much as I need to see of him each day. Anyway, your son doesn't need tutoring. He needs to pay the fuck attention when I am teaching, and try moving his pencil on his paper every now and then. Maybe do a homework assignment or two? Finally, it's not your job to get his grade up. It's his job. So I really don't give a shit what you'd like. Time to cut the apron strings.

Sincerely,
Ms. Reality Check"

A note I got from another parent the day before, which was photocopied and given to the attendance clerk and the assistant principal as well:

"(Assistant principal's name),
(son's name) has an ankle injury. His math teacher insisted that he stand at the beginning of class yesterday. Would you please tell her that he has a medical condition.

(her name)"

The note I really would have LOVED to write back:

"Dear mother who takes her 13 yr. old lying dumbass son's word as gospel,
Do you know how you can tell when your son is lying? I do. It's when his lips are moving. Your son, who shows absolutely no evidence of any problem with either ankle, as witnessed by me when he ran by my classroom earlier today with his numbnut friends, was tardy for class. I told him to wait to sit down until I could mark him tardy, and his reply was that his ankle hurt and he was going to sit down. I ignored the disrespect as it happens on a daily basis, marked him tardy, and did not stop him from taking his seat. Maybe, if your precious son has an ankle injury, you might inform the school and get a note from the doctor. Or maybe the nut doesn't fall far from the tree and you are lying too. Either way, how dare you write your snotty note without asking me what happened first, and address the assistant principal instead of me. Lady, you have created your own hell and it's only going to get worse. I'll watch you on Judge Judy someday. Until then, stick it up your ass.

Sincerely,
Ms. kiss my white, bumpy ass"

Tough week.

I have a lot of kids failing my class. The majority of the reason is the test we took a few weeks ago. Here is everything I did to prepare the kids for the test:
1. We worked on the concepts for more than a week.
2. We took very careful notes, and in the notes was everything on the test.
3. The day before the test, we did a practice worksheet that was identical to the test except for different numbers. I was available the entire period to help. They were to study the worksheet to prepare for the test.
4. They were allowed to use their notes for the test.
5. They are allowed to retake the test, provided they come in after school, show me their notes, ask for help with whatever they don't understand, spend that night studying, and come in whenever they feel ready to retake.
In spite of all this, more than half the kids failed. Very few have bothered to retake. The class averages hovered around 65 percent, which is what they averaged on their last benchmarks. This tells me my grades are accurate.
I have gone over and over this in my mind, and I just refuse to inflate their grades. I didn't curve the test, and I won't. Their grades are an accurate reflection of their knowledge of the subject matter, which is as it should be.
Since I have so many kids failing, the number of parents wanting to meet with me has gone way up. I had five last week. I have two already this coming week. One of which is with the kid that called me retarded yesterday. He is failing math miserably and is just a jerk.
One of the parents last week, for some idiotic reason, believed her kid when she said she does all her homework, and studied, and has no idea why she's failing math. Well, I told a very different story and had examples of the kid's work to prove everything I said. The kid slouches in her desk during class, paying little or no attention to what is happening. She doesn't do her homework. She turns in papers that have 1 or 2 problems, the ones we did together in class, and nothing else so she gets zeros. She didn't even use her notes on her test. When her mom asked her why, she just shrugged. Well, this poor mother just cried. It was AWFUL. I said to the kid, in a very stern voice, "Look at your mother. LOOK AT HER. Do you see what you are doing to her? Do you??" The end result was very good; the parents took away her cell phone, her priveleges, everything. (This particular child is part African-American and has her hair done in small braids, very long, very pretty, and she is extremely vain about her hair.) They told her that if she doesn't fix herself, then when it's time to get her hair done, they just aren't going to do it. But the news isn't good. The kid was supposed to give me an apology letter, and talk to me after class on Friday, and she didn't do it. The parents told me specifically that if this kid didn't do that, would I please email and let them know. So, she isn't doing what she is supposed to do to fix herself. I only hope the parents follow through with what they told her.
Back to the failing grades. I have another student who transferred from another district in Tucson and his grade in math was a C. He can't do fractions, decimals or integers. He is one of the nicest kids I have ever taught, but he has no skills. How did he have a C? Because other teachers are inflating the grades. I just won't do it. My conscience will not allow it. But I know that with this many kids failing, there is a good chance the administration will come down on me. It hurts the school's reputation.
What to do? We have another test coming up on area and perimeter. I fear the results.

What a nightmare!

I had a school nightmare last night. I was a 7th grade teacher with no supplies, kids that behaved like animals, and a staff so big that I felt I knew noone. (That's not the nightmare yet, that is reality.) Then, for some ridiculous reason, the administration asked me to teach 1st grade and I AGREED! So I went into the new classroom and there were probably 40 first graders running around. There were boxes and jars and cans and containers stacked up to the ceiling in every corner and along every wall, full of every kind of school supply you can imagine. The kids were all seated in a circle around a huge island which was also stacked to the ceiling. Supplies, good, right? NO! They were all disorganized!! There were pencils mixed with crayons, bulletin board borders in the same container with math manipulatives, etc. It was a giant mess! And I had inherited it! My email inbox was jam packed with read and unread emails, and even though they were all addressed to me, I couldn't understand any of them! Then the kids started running amok, and of course I didn't know any of their names, for I had taken over in the middle of the school day and didn't even know where the seating chart was! One of the kids, who was like 17 years old and had facial hair and looked very mean, tried to go outside through the sliding glass door (!?) and when I tried to stop him, he grabbed my wrist and twisted. I kicked him out and promptly started sobbing because I had made such a bad decision. I sat down in my teacher chair among all the boxes and containers, and cried for a minute and I don't know what the children were doing. Then I realized I had better start acting like a teacher so I got up and started to check on one of the kids, and realized I had no underwear or pants on!!! They were on the floor about 10 feet from my desk!! In my dream, I was thinking, this is like a dream! That's how real it was. I put my pants and underwear back on and the bell rang, and I had to ask the kids if that was the dismissal bell. They said yes, so I told them I would see them tomorrow. On their way out I noticed that one of them was a PARENT!! And all I could think of was that if she saw me without pants on, I was going to get fired!
Then I woke up with a pounding headache. Oh. My. God.

Wednesday Bitchery on Thursday

I had a really sucky walkjog today. Why was it sucky, you ask? Well, for one, I woke up with a splitting headache. There have been a few mornings that I have had a headache getting up but it goes away shortly after I get outside and start walkjogging. This one, however, seemed to get worse. It is at bay right now but I am going to have to take something so it doesn't come back. So that was the first reason. Secondly, I am noticing that when I have a really good day, and push myself, the next day is very difficult. Yesterday was a particularly good day and I jogged most of the two miles. So today it felt like I was walkjogging through a swimming pool, I took one less lap around the park than usual, and finishing felt like a chore rather than a victory. There, I got that off my chest. Maybe now I can lighten up and have a good day. After all, it's Top Chef on Tivo night!! My favorite night of the week!

It's not my fault...

that people don't know the difference between DINNER and SUPPER anymore.

eHarmony = eDiscord

My sister has scored quite a few bad dates on eHarmony, so I decided to give it another try. What is better than bad dates, after all? Turns out bad emails are also much fun. But perhaps I overreact. You be the judge. Here is the communication that took place in less than the past 24 hours:

Him: my name is tim and i taught math for pima college for 16 years. What are you up to today?

Me: Hi,
I am just relaxing after a good day at work. :)
Did you enjoy teaching math? I really like it most of the time.

Him: i enjoyed it very much. I also taught a lot of aviation courses also. Do you enjoy snuggling under a blanket watching movies? lets get together and enjoy each others company!

My initial reaction is to immediately close the match. He's too forward, it gave me the creeps. How about suggesting a phone call or a lunch date? We go immediately from email to snuggling under a blanket? EW. What say ye?

The Fiery Pits of Hell

I was really dreading my first day back to work. I spent quite a bit of energy on it. It's the first time I have dreaded going to work since I started teaching. Thankfully, all that energy was wasted. It was a good day. The kids were subdued, probably tired from getting up early after two weeks of sleeping in. Only a few kids were mean. One of my team members said hi at lunch and actually sounded happy to see me. So, I am feeling much better about my ability to make it through the end of the school year! In my mind, I have come to refer to my classroom as the fiery pits of hell. Maybe by the end of the year I will have changed my mind.

Happy New Year! Hadn't you better lose some weight?

It happens every year at this time. This year I am either noticing it more, or it's actually getting worse. It's resolution season and it seems every advertisement in America is directed at women, and they are telling us we need to lose weight. There are commercials on TV and radio. The magazine covers are full of helpful suggestions. Every website I visit has at least one banner suggesting a great new diet.
Well, go to hell, all of you! I don't care what time of year it is! If I feel I'm in need of your services, I will contact YOU! BACK OFF!

What is this water coming from the sky?

I can't walk today because it's raining. Finally. The weatherpersons have been telling us it is going to rain for three days and this morning it is here. Today at school we are supposed to have our reward for the students who have been good all quarter. We are having them play board games, then watching a movie, then we are supposed to walk to Peter Piper Pizza so they can eat and play games. But if it's raining we won't be able to walk. So it should be an interesting day!

1 down, 14 to go!

I guess it's the norm in the teacher culture to count the days from one break to the next. It is strange to me because when my colleagues say things about how many days left until the next break, I think they must be as miserable as I am at their job. Which begs the question, why is anyone teaching? Why? The money sucks. You spend your day being treated like a booger smeared on a wall. You pour every ounce of energy you have into helping kids learn, only to be blamed when they don't. I guess these people are still teaching because they did what I did, and got their degree in education, and now what are they doing to do with an education degree besides teach? I just don't know. I have always said that life is too short to spend it doing something that makes you miserable. Maybe there is some reward to it that I haven't realized yet. But if that were true, why would everyone be counting the days? I don't know. I just don't know. I am trying real hard to stay positive, although reading what I just wrote, it doesn't seem like I am doing a very good job. I'll have to try harder.

1 down, 2 to go!

This 3 day week tends to be one of the longest in the teaching year. This week, the week before Christmas, and the week before school gets out for the summer are kinda tough! The thing that is different about this three day week is the number of parents who think their kid won't miss anything, and anyway they really have to get out of town so the kids can just miss school!! The number of absences is staggering. A full 20% of my homebase was gone yesterday and it will only increase as the week goes on. It leaves the teacher in somewhat of a difficult position. I don't want to waste the instructional time. The kids that show up deserve to have school go on. But I don't want to teach anything difficult because there are too many kids gone, and I will just have to reteach it. So, I am teaching something easy enough for the kids who are gone to suck it up and learn on their own, but hard enough that being in school for it is definitely a benefit.
Outside of work, things are awesome! The house is ready for Thanksgiving. I am ready for Thanksgiving. The groceries are bought, the chairs are in place, the floor is clean. Yay!

It's going to be a long one.

I did not sleep much last night. I woke up around midnight and tossed and turned for a while. Then I decided the problem was that I was much too hungry, so I got up and ate a bowl of cereal. I went back to bed and tossed and turned for another hour or so, and then finally decided to take a sleeping pill. Now it's time to get ready for work and I only took the sleeping pill about 5 hours ago so I'm unbelievably tired!
While I am complaining, I have something else to rag about. I want Christmas to go away for another week. Do you hear me, Christmas? I have another full week before Thanksgiving day, which is when it's officially OK to start thinking about you. So I am putting you on notice: LEAVE NOW and don't come back for another week.

Top 10

Top 10 reasons I can tell I am getting better:
10. My appetite has returned.
9. I am crying less than once a day.
8. No more nausea in the morning.
7. Getting up in the morning is feeling less like a chore and more like a good thing.
6. I have walked every weekday for the past two weeks.
5. I cooked dinner twice this week.
4. I can stay up past 8:00.
3. My coffee tastes good again.
2. I am singing along with the radio in the car like I used to.
And the number one reason I can tell I am getting better....
1. I just made the frosting for the kids to decorate gingerbread houses on Thanksgiving! My first official act to get ready for the holiday.

I'm #1

I found this article about the 10 germiest jobs in America and guess what! My job is #1 on the list. I think I already knew that but it was funny to see it.

Walking

This past Monday I started getting up earlier and walking in the mornings. It's been four days now and man was it hard getting out there this morning. But I did it.

Weeds

My backyard is full of weeds. Dead weeds, mostly. I really need to get rid of them. But every time I try, I get overwhelmed and come back inside. I bought a hula-hoe so I could just chop them and then put them in a garbage bag. So I go outside and do one little area, and then look at the rest of the yard. Then I promptly put the hoe down and go back inside. It's maddening! The weeds are totally stressing me out. Every time I look out there, I think, I have to get rid of those weeds. Go outside, chop a few down, go back inside. It's just never going to get done at this point. Stupid weeds.

Freedom from Food

In my new stress-filled life, I have discovered a fringe benefit that I haven't experienced since my divorce 10 years ago. Food has become a bother. Eating is something I must do periodically to keep my body going. There is no enjoyment whatsoever in it. It is very strange. Even my morning coffee is compulsory and doesn't really taste good anymore. I am not sure how much longer this will go on but I am quite certain it's not forever so I am taking advantage of the opportunity to lose weight. Now if I could just get myself to exercise...

I'm Free!

I told my principal yesterday that I couldn't finish my two weeks. It was dishonorable and weak but I did it anyway because I can't take going there anymore. She was really good about it, too. So, I'm done with the prison! YAY!! I can hardly contain my excitement. Now I am going to work on getting my files ready for my new job, since I may actually be able to use the stuff I have.
I am also really excited about watching the vice presidential debate tonight at my sister's house. It should be a hootin hollerin good time.

I called in sick!

I don't have to go to my last Tuesday in prison because I called in sick. I might just call later on today and say that I'm not coming back at all. I just might do that.

Last Monday

Today is my last Monday at the prison. I should be happy but I am just as filled with anxiety as I always am before work. Stomach revolting, shaking, sweating, panic-filled and so tired. But I will get through the day, just like I have for the last month, hour by hour. It will pass by, no matter how slowly. Or, maybe I'll get lucky and it will go by fast! It's happened before!

What if I forgot how to teach?

Only one more week until I can be a teacher again. I took a 7th grade math position at a middle school about 15 minutes away from my house. I worry that I have forgotten how to teach in the last 5 months of insanity. What if I don't know what to do? Then I think that's just silly, of course I will know what to do!! I will snap back into being a teacher because that's what I do. This last 5 months has been an aberration. I guess I just wanted to see what it was like to be a corrections officer. Well, now I know. I also know it's not the job for me! I just don't want to delude myself about the situation I am going into now. I will be taking over someone else's classroom after an entire quarter, which is no small job. I just have to have faith that I will know what to do, that the last 3 years experience will be enough to get me through the transition. I am totally excited about being around 7th graders again.

The old man

Yesterday the old man I work with told me I was "falling apart like a ten dollar shotgun and wound up tighter than a ten cent watch." So I guess he mixes his metaphors. That one actually felt kind of mean so I didn't really respond when he said that. Usually I laugh at him.
He has been working at the prison forever. I mean, like 20 years or something. Once when I asked him what the secret was, he told me he was heavily sedated and offered to give me the number of his doctor. I can never tell when he is serious so I just laughed.
He is also the one that said to me once, "What in the cornbreaded hell are you eating?" Which made me laugh so hard I almost spewed my food all over the table.
If I can get through today, only 5 more days left.

8 more days

I put in my 2 week notice on Monday, so my time at the facility grows short. Thank Goddess, because that place is so full of ugliness I can't keep going there without changing who I am. So I'm leaving. There is this old man I work with who reminds me a lot of my papa. Yesterday he found out I was quitting and he said, "All I had to do was take a look at your face over the past two weeks to know you were falling apart like a ten dollar watch." I thanked him for being supportive. 8 more days.

no school!

Today is a no school day, which means I still report for work but there won't be any classes. I have to go to a training for the new electronic gradebook but other than that, I can spend the whole day doing lesson plans and cleaning the pigsty of a classroom I have inherited. (There is no custodial staff where I work.)
The phone I bought on e-bay seems to be broken. So people, if you need to reach me, use email! On another fun note, I appear to be developing another skin tag. Is this something that happens with age? EW!

The best sandwich ever

I just had a tuna sandwich with bread and butter pickles on toasted whole wheat. I just had to share because it was the best. sandwich. ever. Or maybe I was just really hungry.

MIT

My kid got a letter from MIT. Not a big deal letter, just an invitation saying when and where their recruiters would be. But still, MIT?? Holy crap.

Last Day!

Today is my last day of academy! I made it! Or, I'm really close anyway! If I can just get through today I will be done. Today we're learning about classroom management.
Yesterday, one of the cadets was dismissed. She was the one that kept raising her hand asking really stupid questions. The instructor would be reading the powerpoint, hammering home some stupid point that was totally obvious to anyone with half a brain. Of course her hand would go up. Then she would ask a question that had either already been answered or was on the next slide. It drove everyone else crazy. Anyway the past 2 days we have been learning how to physically restrain someone when they are acting aggressively. It's been very hands-on, and we've had to overcome the whole "you're a boy and I don't want your arms around my waist" thing. She had a really hard time with the whole thing and I guess they decided she is a security risk. So she's gone, just like that! Couldn't have happened to a nicer gal. NOT! I'm being mean, but I'm glad she's gone.

I got promoted

Not really, I didn't get promoted to head of the math department. What really happened is the other math teacher quit. So now I'm it. This means my class sizes will be huge. We're talking 16 screwed up, ADHD, sometimes violent high school aged boys in the same room. I just don't see a whole lot of teaching going on. Well, it's a good thing I am going through academy so I can be a corrections officer instead. Yeah, it's just a good thing.

4 more days

Only 4 more days of that lousy academy! I cannot wait to be done!
All that sitting makes me so restless. It's good to have a refresher perspective on what my students' days are like. It will help me remember to have them actively participating and up out of their seats every 15 minutes or so.
So, it will make me a better teacher, and that's really all that matters in the long run. It's the short run that gets me.

Two things

Two things have happened since I started working at the department of corrections. First, I am much more feminine when I am at home than I used to be. I need to have my nails just so, my toes pedicured, something sparkly somewhere on my body, and lots and lots of pink. Second, I am watching more cartoons. I find that I have lost interest in every other tv show I used to watch, and now the only things I watch are The Simpsons and Family Guy. Why? Because I get plenty of reality all day long. When I get home, I need to be a princess in a more pleasant, funny reality. A reality where the criminals don't hurt anyone and the police bungle around, never catching them. Those are my observations so far. It's still been such a short time, who knows what the long term effects will be! If I keep the job, and that's still a big if.
Only 9 more days of academy left to go. I can do it! I can do it!

13 to go

Only 13 more academy days to go. I'm almost halfway through. Yesterday was actually much, much better. We learned about drugs and mental health treatment, so the classes were interesting. We will be tested on this material, and they gave us a study guide with the test questions, so we had that to fill out as well. All in all, not a bad day. Hopefully today will be as good or better!

Another funny CNN bias note... I guess they are full on supporting Barack Obama. On their website, there is a link that says "Who will Obama pick as VP?" Then right below it is a link that says "Who will be John McCain's running mate?"

Day 3

This is day 3 of 3 days of training in Phoenix. I am really looking forward to getting home. I like my coworkers, but nobody needs to spend this much time around the people they work with! There's bonding, then there's bonding. Right now, for example, I have my back turned to my still slumbering roommate. Why? She apparently doesn't wear underwear to bed, and let me tell you a full moon is out, plus some.

More stupid academy

Today we are learning CPR and first aid so maybe it won't be quite so boring. We have to actually do CPR on a dummy. Ugh. Picture doing that in a starched white shirt and creased pants. YUCK!
It's seriously so bad, I want to quit the freaking job to avoid going. But, people who have been through it keep telling me it will pick up after the first 2 weeks are over. I really, really hope so.

Death of a Student

One of my mentor teachers told me before I actually started teaching that it was a job that will break your heart. "You will see things you are powerless over," she said. "You will be their mother and their friend, and spend more time with them than any other adult, and then you will have to let them go. Some of them will die. Some of them will die because they killed themselves. You have to be ready for that."
I never forgot that conversation because I knew it was true. But nobody can prepare you for when it actually happens. And it does indeed break your heart.
****, you will be missed. You were such a special girl - one of my favorites, but don't tell anyone! I'm sorry you had to go so soon. You were beautiful inside and out. Rest in peace, lovely child.

Black and Whites

At stupid academy the other day, we were talking about the difference between preference and bias. I gave the example of black and white cookies. If I am going to eat a cookie, I prefer a black and white cookie. My bias, however, is MY black and white cookies.
Well, you should have seen the reaction. After class, the instructor told me what day she would be returning to class and asked if she could have a black and white cookie. Then, the coordinator (the big boss) told me that one of the other cadets' birthdays would fall the Sunday before, and would I be willing to make cookies for everyone to celebrate? She would be more than happy to reimburse me for the cost of making the cookies. She would get some milk for us from the kitchen.
So, long story short, at least we get a small escape from the stupid academy to have cookies and milk. (Don't worry Marianne, I will make some for you too.)

stupid academy

The pace of the training academy has picked up a bit so it's not quite so torturous. I find myself making little deals with the clock. Like, it's 9:30 now. At 9:43 I will eat this piece of candy. Then at 9:53, I will take a drink of water. I don't know if that gives you a little picture of what it's like in there. They have power point presentation after power point presentation and they read the slides verbatim. Then they tell a story, which is not really a story because it's not in the least bit entertaining. Then they go to the next slide.
It's Thursday, which means I am on the downside slope of the week. Hooray! Two whole days of not wearing a starched white shirt and black pants. The freedom! The blessed freedom!!!!

1 down, 23 to go

I am counting down the days of academy. I absolutely hated yesterday. HATED IT. It was so incredibly boring and we sat almost the entire day. Sitting still is NOT one of my better talents. At least not without a book in my hands, and I was afraid of getting into trouble if I did that. We have to address everyone as "Sir" or "Ma'am" and if we forget they remind us. We have to stand at parade rest and wait to be told to sit down. At the end of class we have to stand at attention and wait to be dismissed. We have to wear shiny black shoes, black pants with a crease, and long sleeved white dress shirts with creases on the arms. The commander told us to starch the creases so they will last all day.
SIGH.

academy

I start my 5-week training academy tomorrow. Yikes. The dress code is a long-sleeved, white, button up shirt with a collar, tucked in to a black or navy blue pair of dress pants or a skirt that goes below the knee. I have to wear shined black shoes and wear my hair up. It's like the freaking army or something. UGH! And I look totally fat when I have to tuck in my shirt! I can't believe I have to spend 5 weeks dressed like that.
Plus, the whole thing takes place in a classroom. It's all lectures, memorization and tests. DOUBLE UGH. Well, I suppose I'll get through it one way or another.

Mary Poppinfus

You know how your dermatologist tells you to shield yourself from the sun with an umbrella, but very few people actually do it? Well, I do it because of my sun allergy. I've been doing it for a while so it doesn't bother me anymore when people laugh, stare, or ask questions. (Which they do, by the way!) Anyway yesterday one of my co-workers called me Mary Poppinfus and I thought it was so funny I might have a hernia laughing.
In other news, yesterday I slept until 5:00 a.m. and today I probably would have except that my crazy, apparently nocturnal daughter was playing with her alarm clock (literally, sitting up on her bed with the light on, playing with the buttons) and it went off at 4:00, and I woke up. She has her first day of school today and she was just setting her alarm before she went to sleep.

3:13

Seriously. I woke up this early in spite of taking an anti-anxiety pill last night before bed. So I wonder, how much of a problem is this? I wake up, drink coffee, and go on my computer. I read the news, the blogs, and maybe play some games. Then I go for a walk before I get ready for work. It's a pleasant morning. When I get home from work, I fix dinner and we eat. Then it's over. I try to keep awake, but rarely can make it after 8:00. I go to sleep. Then I start over. I get between 7 and 8 hours of sleep a night - it's just not through the night like most people. All my life I have required at least 8 - 9 hours, sometimes 10.
So, is it a problem?

3:44

I can't sleep.

Old fart!!!

John McCain is an old fart! He says he is learning how to use that newfangled interweb thingy all by himself.
Seriously!
This is the person that nearly half the country is comfortable with answering the red phone? He can't sign on by himself yet! He'll be completely helpless without his staff!

I get to say 10-4 and mean it

If you had told me at any point in my past that I would have a job requiring me to say 10-4 and meaning it, I would have laughed hard enough to pee my pants! Well guess what. I have to talk on the radio, and I have to use radio codes! I am not used to it yet. I still feel really stupid every time I have to talk. I worry that I sound stupid. How can you not sound stupid saying, "Oh. Ok, 10-4. I mean, 10-4. Ok, thank you." That's the kind of thing I do. I can just see the guys in the security office laughing. At least I didn't say good buddy.

It wasn't a date.

Turns out, this guy wanted information. He is suing our mutual ex-district, because he wasn't treated fairly, and he wanted information about how I was treated before I left. I was treated badly but not nearly as bad as he was.
The thing is I don't want to help him. A job is a job and you just have to keep looking until you find the one that doesn't feel like a job. Bosses sometimes suck, sometimes they are crazy and they treat you like poop. It's just life. I don't want to be a part of a lawsuit like this one.
Also, I feel stupid for thinking that he was interested in me in that way.

I went for a walk

Yesterday I assigned my children a new chore: Take Mom for a walk. I have GOT to exercise every day. I know this. So, I am having them drag my sorry ass off the couch after dinner for a walk. Just a short one, not even a very vigorous one. Just a walk. Quality bonding time, we'll call it.
In other news, I may have a date tonight. I'm just really not sure if it's a date or not. If a guy calls you and says, "I would love to buy you lunch or dinner," is that asking you out on a date? Ugh. Probably yes.
So, that is happening tonight.

Play it safe!

You know those Safe Auto commercials, where they have some idiot talking about how they've had so many accidents, nobody will insure them? Then the Safe Auto person comes on and says, "Play it safe! Call now." I've always hated those commercials. It's like they are saying, we don't care HOW bad you drive! Have as many accidents as you want! Kill people for all we care! Just give us your money!
Yesterday I was driving home there was a car in the left hand lane, going about 20 mph under the speed limit. Everyone is trying to get around the car but the car has pulled up next to a very large cement truck and is going the same speed, which is about 20 mph below the speed limit. Traffic quickly backed up. I could see the car right behind the slow car, flashing their lights and trying to get the slow car to do something about the situation. The slow car driver remained blissfully unaware.
Finally the cement truck turned, and we could all get around the slow car. I noticed while I was shooting daggers with my eyes at the (handicapped and elderly) driver that they had a Safe Auto bumper sticker on their car.
So not only have they had so many accidents they need Safe Auto insurance, they are also advertising for the company. OY VEY!! The whole thing should be illegal. I told my kids they had better take my license away when I start driving like that. Of course they said something to the effect of, hand it over then. *sigh*

Obama leads McCain among people who fart in their sleep

I saw this headline today on Yahoo! news: Obama leads McCain among people who don't have pets.
Seriously, since when do we poll pet owners about their presidential preferences? Why won't the press just say that Obama leads McCain?
It's clear what side Yahoo! is on... the title of the article is actually "Pet Owners Prefer McCain Over Obama." The neutral press has vanished, my friends. Everyone is taking sides this time.

Oh yeah.

A couple of days ago I did something so completely out of character, I am still shocked by it. I bought a hammock.
Why is it so shocking? Well, a hammock has no value other than relaxation. Also, it cost over $100.00. Generally I am loath to spend that kind of money on things that are not essential, especially when they are not essential to me. But it's something I have always wanted. I had the money, and it was on clearance, so I bought it. I could have bought one that was cheaper, but it was also ugly. So not only did I splurge on a hammock, but I extra splurged on a PRETTY hammock. Oh, the humanity!
Here is me in my new hammock:

This black woman??

She (Michelle Obama) needs to reintroduce herself to America so that people won't be terrified that this BLACK WOMAN is going to be doing GOD KNOWS WHAT in the white house???
Watch this clip and tell me you are proud to be an American.
I am so f@%&ing pissed right now, I could spit.

My job is so entertaining.

Seriously, these kids crack me up! The other day I was 10 minutes late for class (it's a whole other Oprah, I was sitting in the teacher's lounge, blissfully unaware that I had to teach that period) and I walked in to find the kids sitting quietly, apparently shocked into submission by my absence. One of them told me that when they are late for something, they get reported or something like that. So I said, let me get you some paper and a pencil. You should definitely report this to somebody. He proceeded to write a two page complaint, listing all my thinking errors and insisting that I take responsibility for my actions. He made me sign at the bottom and write that I was willing to accept feedback from my students about how my tardiness affected them. He used all the lingo the treatment people use with the kids. It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life! For my thinking errors, he wrote something like this:
Selfishness - Ms. Papenfus was late because she wanted to look nice for some criminals who don't care how she looks. (I had told them I was late because I was straightening my hair. I couldn't very well tell them I had completely FORGOTTEN about them)
Uniqueness - Ms. Papenfus thinks it is ok to be late because she should have her hair straight, when nobody else here has that privelege.
He wrote some other stuff that I can't remember. It was so gosh darn funny, I am still laughing 3 days later. The administrators got their hands on it, and after thanking me for taking the time to build a relationship with this student, laughed so hard I think they almost wet their pants.
So, the bottom line is that there is good in this place.

We can all fist bump like Michelle!

We can't look as good while doing it though... check it out.

I got the t-shirt.

My daughter and I found Obama t-shirts on cafepress.com and bought one for each of us. She had a hard time believing I was spending the money, so I told her how important it was to support the candidate we believe in. I also told her she has to wear it every chance she gets because after November it will be just like the bumper stickers we all have to peel off our cars. It is just so exciting to me, to finally have a candidate I can really get behind! I am grateful that my daughters are witnessing this historic election year.

This is good

I'm tired

It's my 4th day and I am exhausted. It's the typical new job exhaustion that comes from learning new things all day. It's ok though, just today and then the weekend. Woohoo!
Today I should be getting my ID card and computer account so I can log in. I talked to the principal yesterday about getting a classroom and pulling a small group of kids out, even though I haven't been through the academy yet. So today I am going to write a plan and she said she will approve it. It's a good thing because I can't observe anymore. I'm just not the observing kind. I need to get in there and screw up and piss people off. You know, be myself.

2nd day was ok too!

I am starting to feel a little more comfortable with the boys. There is so much to learn about what is OK and what isn't. For example they don't get in trouble for throwing around the f-word, but any comment that can be construed as a threat gets them in big trouble, even if they were joking. It's a different world.
The kids' pencils have had the erasers removed because the metal band that holds the eraser to the pencil is too dangerous. Mr. B (the math teacher I am working with) says that if he gives them erasers, they throw them or tear them up or put their gang signs on them. So, we carry erasers around in our pockets and the boys have to ask to use them.
I am starting to think about how I will run my classroom. All this observation is boring but definitely worthwhile.

First day was OK!

It looks like I will be observing until June 30th and then I will start my academy training. That lasts 5 1/2 weeks, then I can get into my classroom. I will have one hella boring summer, but who cares. I am getting paid. Things I learned on my first day:
1. I need to wear clothes that de-emphasize my breasts.
2. The f-word has many more uses than I thought possible.
3. Everything not in my pockets has to be locked up. Therefore don't bring anything that won't fit in pockets.
My stupid ex-principal had the secretary call me yesterday morning and leave a message saying I needed to come in because I had never checked out. Meaning, I never had her (the principal) sign the stupid list of things I was supposed to get done before I left. I did all of them, even had people sign off. Then I threw the list away. If they wanted to inspect my classroom, they had plenty of time. I didn't call back and I'm not going to.

Watch out for Wii Fit

My daughter Jessica turned 17 last week. I got her a laptop computer - too extravagant, I agree. She needs it for an AP class she is taking in her senior year. I figure if she passes the AP test then the money saved on tuition makes the computer well worth it. Anyway, her father rarely buys her birthday presents. This year, for some inexplicable reason, he bought Wii Fit as her birthday present even though it's not really for her, it's for the whole family. She told me she thought he was making a fat joke. I asked if she wanted the game, and she said yes, and I said then it's fine, right? Although I agreed it was insensitive. Not unusual for her father.
So she gets on the balance board to play the game, which then proceeds to tell her she is very nearly FAT. She texted me to tell me that. I wrote back saying if the &*$#% machine is going to tell her she's fat, it's probably going to tell someone like me to go ahead and put a bullet in my head. She said it was cool though because you can set goals for yourself and the machine monitors your progress. Great, I said. Fantastic.
Turns out the stupid game uses BMI index to decide whether people are fat. BMI works perfectly well for adults, or those that are full grown. For anyone who is not through with their development, BMI changes weekly if not monthly because the body is still developing. That means a teenager who is stocky today may be getting ready for a growth spurt which will even them out by next month. It's not a good idea to look at a still developing body, and make a determination about that child's overall health, except in extreme cases. This is another thing parents already know, and have to prepare for every year when we take our daughters to the pediatrician. The pediatrician puts their height and weight on a chart which can tell us at a glance whether we are very nearly fat. Only they call it overweight.
We parents work hard enough to convince our daughters that nothing is wrong with their bodies; that they are beautiful just the way they are; that the people they see on TV and in magazines are not reality; that their bodies are developing NORMALLY. So thanks, Wii, for that. Thanks for telling my daughter she is VERY NEARLY FAT. Thanks for confirming her fears that she is less than a person due to her belly, or legs, or whatever body part she is fixated on these days. By thank you, what I mean to say is FUCK YOU.
I'm not the only parent having a cow, man - you can read more here.
Fucking morons. I'm so pissed.

Last day of school!

I have a sub because I am going to the 8th grade promotion. So I kind of have to dress nice. EW.
Then, I can pack up my classroom and LEAVE!!! WOOOOOOHOOOO!!!!!!

Well I got through yesterday in one piece. I went to bed at 8:30 though, I was so tired. Now just three and a half more days to go!
This year I am saying goodbye to kids that I have taught for two years. Some of them paid me the biggest compliment I think I have ever had... yesterday, as soon as they got their yearbooks, they got a pass to come to my classroom and asked me to sign. It was so awesome. Of course I was in the middle of teaching a lesson so I had to say no, I'll sign it Monday! But it made me feel really good. It's difficult to describe the emotions of letting these kids go. I've loved them unconditionally, made them work so hard many of them came to tears at one point or another, and watched them grow both physically and emotionally. They are ready for high school, most of them, without a doubt. The ones who aren't ready have been crippled by parents who refuse to let their kids be responsible for their own stuff. Not much to be done about that. They are the vast minority.
Watching them move on to high school is kind of like watching your own kid when they make some huge accomplishment, like the first time they ride a two-wheeler alone or talk themselves through solving a problem. It's a whole lot of pride, mixed with sadness knowing you'll probably never see most of them again, and hopefulness for the future of our society because these are the kids who will be in charge in 10 years and some of them are just brilliant. They come in to my classroom shorter than me, tiny, scared little things with zero self-confidence and afraid of everything! They leave much taller than me, holding the world in the palms of their hands, and believing they can do anything. It's quite a sight. I wish everyone could see it!