Right on schedule.

My paycheck was bigger than expected because my salary increase for my master's degree finally went through. Yay! I hadn't taken that into account. So my paycheck is $100 bigger! Everything else is going exactly as scheduled. When I go on the ACCC website, it looks like none of my creditors have accepted my payment plan. I'm not sure what will happen with that.
I am withdrawing cash today to put in my envelopes for the first time. I'm struggling with how to make the budget mix with the cash flow. In other words I can't withdraw all my cash at the same time, so how will I keep track of how much to put in each envelope the 2nd time I withdraw? I'm sure I can figure it out but it is kind of nerve wracking to try to look at the numbers when I feel like I am speculating. Just adjusting to keeping a budget I guess. I should re-read the TMM chapter on budgeting.

A little relief

Some good things happening the past few days. Before the first CCCS transfer, which will freeze my credit card accounts, I cashed in my reward points. I got a $25 target card. This means I can finally get some groceries. I haven't been starving, don't get me wrong, but I haven't had the things I normally eat. No cheese, no milk, no cereal. So the Target down the street has groceries and that's where I am headed today. If I am careful I should be able to get everything I need, plus stuff for Christmas dinner tonight with my kids. Yay! Then, I finally got reimbursed for my medical expenses, from my FSA. The debit card never came, so I had been paying for my medical since the account started in August. I got a substantial deposit into my checking account so I immediately made payments to the one remaining credit card that was past due, and my student loans which were past due. Now I am current on everything. CCCS told me that if I was current when the program went into effect, the credit card companies might reverse the late fees and such that they had been charging me the past month especially since it's the first time I have been past due. I really hope that's true but I doubt it. I do believe it's better for my credit in the long run if I am current when the program begins, and also the TMM book says that getting current is the very first thing I should do.
If there is any extra in my budget from this point forward, it will go toward the $650 I still need for my emergency fund. Then, I can finally begin the debt snowball. I am giving up the bankruptcy idea for now, but it's always an option if I find that I can't do the debt snowball because I just don't have enough money.
I got my hair done with my Christmas money which was so nice. I will have some extra pay in the middle of January for the days I subbed during my planning period. I will have one Pima paycheck and it will be just a tiny bit bigger than normal because of parent orientation night on January 5th. Somehow, some way, this program seems to be working.

It's tough!

Not spending money is hard. Also: It sucks. I just keep telling myself that it's only temporary. Eventually I will get rid of this debt and be able to live within my means. Because I will teach myself how. However, the debt is really in my way and I am seriously considering filing for bankruptcy. I am going to talk to a lawyer this week. I may even qualify for chapter 7, but I can't afford to have my car taken away... so we'll see. I was resistant to the idea of having my debt discharged, because I think if I spent the money, I need to repay it. However, I was not taking the reality of the situation into account. The reality is that over the last 12 years or so, since I began building this debt, I have probably repaid the actual amount I spent, more than once. Once that thought occurred to me, the guilt about having the debt discharged vanished. There are plenty of people working for those companies that are rich off of my sheer desperation to survive on a teacher's salary. Screw 'em. With all the late fees, interest fees, and other fees, at least half the balance is theirs anyway.
At any rate, I have not spent a dime except a coffee, soda, and snack at the airport. I wasn't really thinking about the fact that you can't take anything past the security in the airport. So I spent about $9.00.

The restraint kinda burns

So my cash flow sheet says I will have $4.00 left tomorrow when my car payment comes out. I've been staying home, not spending a cent for days now. Yesterday I got a $75.00 Amazon gift certificate, and expect another one today. Those are for some U of A research I took part in. I want to just spend that money so bad, but I'm trying to save it for when I actually need something. I will allow myself some books for my kindle. I have been wanting to go out to sing Karaoke and drink beer really bad! But I haven't done it. I think all this financial restraint might be a good part of why I am eating like a hog. The self-indulgence has to come out somewhere.

Got a grip.

I transferred money back into my checking from my savings to cover the car payment. Then I started a cash flow worksheet, which is part of the budget plan in TMM. I hadn't started it yet... I really didn't get why it was necessary. Yesterday I listened to the budgeting lesson on CD, and Ramsey emphasizes that it will take about 3 months of writing a budget and keeping a cash flow sheet before it will become a smoother process. So I should expect to screw up regularly, and adjust, adjust, adjust. This is one of those times when I am profoundly thankful that I don't have a spouse to complicate things. I bring in what I bring in, and I am in charge of all the decisions. I do think that Vince will want to follow the TMM plan at some point, if he sees that it's really working for me. That is of course assuming he starts paying what he is supposed to pay and we stay together. I am depending on his share of the money when I get back from CO to balance my cash flow sheet. I will need grocery and gas money as well as the rest of the $400 to make the CCCS payment.
In other news, I finished my christmas shopping yesterday. I used remnants of gift cards and Bookman's credit for almost everything. I spent less than $10.00 and got some really great stuff. I'm leaving for CO the day after tomorrow and I am insanely excited! For now, all is right with the financial world.

bad math

I got myself into trouble again. I got paid yesterday. The first thing I did was go to the capital one website and pay that bill. It was just over $200. Then, I went to the B of A website and paid other bills. I used my available balance to decide how many bills to pay. I somehow glossed over the fact that my available balance would be lower once the capital one money came out. (I usually pay the capital one bill from the bank website, instead of the other way around.) So now, there is not enough money to cover my car payment. It's too late to cancel the payment without a fee. On top of that I didn't get a Pima paycheck. The car payment comes out on the 23rd. I put $400 in savings to make sure I have enough for the automatic overdraft of $400 by CCCS on January 3rd. So I'm in the negative.

payday

I got my paycheck, which was $165 bigger because of the furlough hours I made up. I am now current on everything including utilities, credit cards, and car payment. The only thing I am not current on is my student loans. If I get the Pima paycheck then I can make a payment on that debt, but probably not enough to get current. I applied for an income-sensitive payment but I haven't got an answer yet. I also put away the $400 I will need on January 2nd for my first payment to CCCS. Now the calls from Capital One will finally stop. It's been averaging 2 to 10 calls a day, starting about 8 a.m. and ending about 8 p.m. for the last 6 weeks or so.
I tried to listen to the 2nd CD in the series of Financial Peace University or whatever it's called. It is about money and relationships. I had to turn it off after about 5 minutes. I will just skip that one... it's not relevant to me anyway. In the first 5 minutes of the lesson, Ramsey quotes John Gray, the bible, Stephen Covey, and Rick Warren. It is all about how women and men think differently about money, and how your wife won't be pretty unless she has financial security. He says, out loud, that if the man has the finances in order, the woman will be prettier because she isn't stressed out about money, and her face won't scrunch up like this (insert some visual aid that thank GODDESS I couldn't see because it's an audio CD). Ramsey is a card-carrying charter member of the good ol' boys club. When he is talking about things that can't be gender specific, like how to actually save and budget money, then he is bearable to listen to. His problem, of course, is genderizing everything. Maybe when I get done with this program, and I have learned how to budget and save and give appropriately, I will write my own book and go on my own tour, giving classes about how to build a secure financial future. Except I won't genderize it. Well, maybe I will... maybe I'll only let single women come in to my classes. Maybe I will say my program is specifically for single women, kids or no kids. Because the last thing we need to hear about is a program that assumes we have a man, and that we are dependent on that man to help us make the right decisions. And Ramsey includes all this sexist bullshit in his lessons, despite the fact that almost every story featured in the book has the man being responsible for getting the couple into all that debt in the first place, because he was the one that "took care of the finances."
Psh. Ramsey has a lot of good ideas about money, but what a tool.

more gold

I dug through my jewelry box again and found a little more gold. I got $70 and this time I shopped a bit for the best deal. One store was willing to give me twice as much, but as store credit. Not helpful.
Bottom line, I have $350 in my emergency fund. WOOHOO!! I did go to Rubio's in the mall and eat fish tacos. I felt terribly guilty about spending that $7. Also bought milk and got more cash to pay off my lunch balance at the school cafeteria - it was bigger than I thought!!
I am listening to the Financial University lessons (lessons by Dave Ramsey based on the book) and he just describes my spending habits to a T. Sometimes all I can do is laugh because he is so logical about it and I am seeing clearly for the first time just how ridiculous my thinking was!! And how I SO bought in to the financial machine of the banks and credit cards! Pure folly. The worst part is I was about to pass that thinking on to my daughters!! I told them, forget what I said about needing a credit card to build your credit. Don't do it. There are other, better ways to qualify for a mortgage, and that is the only thing you should ever have on credit. Everything else should be bought in cash, after you have saved the money. I hope they listen.
So I am wracking my brain trying to think of more things to sell. I have quite a bit of credit at Bookman's (used book store and boutique) so today I am going to try to finish my Christmas shopping there.
I have to say I am still sickened by the people Ramsey chose to highlight in the book. Their stories are so white picket fence. The vast majority of the wives are "home makers" or "stay at home moms." One of the husbands made a HUGE deal out of selling his wife's car. This is what he says: "... and then I committed what some people would consider the ultimate sin: I sold my wife's BMW." I can't articulate what it is about the statement that bothers me so. Another husband who is an eBay store owner (whatever) has a wife who is a pharmacist. She clearly is the breadwinner in the family. This is part of his storytelling: "The 35 months working on the debt snowball was the hardest part, but we never wavered. Yes, we had visits from Murphy - having a baby plus Amanda's back surgery and other emergencies, to name a few - but we did it!" He thinks having a baby happened because of Murphy's Law - "everything that can go wrong, will go wrong." That is some fucked up reasoning, and saying it out loud where your child may someday read it is disgusting.
That same guy also says, "We sold our brand-new Jeep Liberty (and Amanda really loved that car) and bought a gently used 1991 model. Amanda took on an extra shift at work, and I took over extra tasks around the house to compensate." How big of him... she works herself to death and misses time with her baby and his repayment is doing the dishes. What a fucker.
Anyway, there are plenty of inspiring stories in the book that I can relate to and don't sound like that. And reading the book has inspired me to save money instead of spending it, which is huge for me. I'm excited to pay bills tonight... WEIRD!!!

Gold

Yesterday I went to a jewelry store and sold all of the gold jewelry that I have been dragging around for years and never wear. I was shocked as hell when I got $700 for it. Bam! $280 in my emergency fund. I am more than a quarter of the way there!! I kept $20 to pay for my prescription and my lunch bill at my school. I paid my cell phone, electric, and cable bills. I bought $15 worth of groceries and I'm left with $25 in my checking account. I get paid tonight - my salary and hopefully my second job at PCC. Also I get a small check for the furlough hours I managed to earn before the 10th of December. I think I will be able to get my credit cards close to current. I have to make sure I have $400 in my account at the end of the month for my credit card consolidation auto withdrawal. My christmas present from Marianne is that I won't have to spend any money in CO other than my plane ticket.
It's the first time in my adult life that I have come across some kind of financial windfall and didn't immediately spend the money on things I "needed" - like clothes, expensive food, eating out, and entertainment. I got the $280 in cash and hid it in my closet. TMM says to put it in a place where you won't have easy access to it. These days with my savings account linked to my checking and free transfers online, my savings account is not a safe place. I wrapped it up and put it in a place where I will have to go to a little bit of trouble to dig it out.
I never would have thought of selling the gold if I hadn't read the book. I'm so excited about having started my emergency fund!! I'm being responsible!!

Saving

So, last night I read a part of TMM that featured a single mother of two. She had reached her goal of saving a $500 emergency fund. It didn't say how long it took her, and I really wish it had. The book says that if you make more than $20,000 a year, you should be able to save your $1,000 emergency fund in about a month. It says to do whatever you have to do. Work another job (should I find a third?), sell things (I've already sold everything of any value), if you already have $1,000 in anything other than retirement savings, take it out (HA!). go crazy wringing and twisting out the budget and get crazy. I'm kinda stumped. For now I'll just keep on with the budget. I am supposed to use envelopes of cash for food, gas and oil, repairs and tires, clothing, toiletries/cosmetics/hair care, and spending money. I can't start that since I don't have any cash. Maybe next month. In the mean time, these are the things I am committed to changing so far:
Stop wearing makeup except on special occasions
Use milk and sugar in my coffee instead of the bottled creamer
Clip coupons religiously
Give up my Cottonelle toilet paper and use whatever is the best value
Fast food twice a month and no more
Give up my smart phone and go back to regular cell phone (if I can)
Scrimp on electricity and water

Total Money Makeover

I got the book "Total Money Makeover" (TMM) from Mom and I am going to give it a try. When I called a credit counseling firm to get them to negotiate lower interest rates and a single payment, the guy's advice was to file chapter 13 bankruptcy. I wanted to try this first, so we'll see how it works. I'm going to keep track of my progress here. I know from past experience that seeing my progress in black and white is crucial for me to keep moving forward in my goals.
The book features success stories of people who have followed the system and got out of debt in record time. I don't buy all of it... for instance how can a couple pay $15,000 toward their debt in 5 months when their yearly income is a teacher's salary of $40,000? There are no success stories of single mothers. There don't seem to be any people who currently cannot meet expenses. If Vince gives me the money he agreed to pay, it looks like I will be able to meet expenses. So far he isn't holding up his end of the deal.
My first step towards the TMM is to make a budget and stick to it. Yesterday I looked through my bank statement and wrote down everything I have spent and what it was for. I categorized everything. Ramsey put a bunch of budgeting forms in the back of the book and I am using a modified version. I am going to put it into an excel worksheet.
My next step is to save $1,000. Frankly I just don't see how this is possible. But right now I'll just focus on the budget.

Bank of America

I was in my local B of A branch today, separating my kids' accounts from mine since they are no longer minor children. Independence day! While I was there, I noticed the print advertisements hanging on the walls. They said things like, "Avoid overdraft fees. I can help!" And, ""Buy your first home. I can help!" They featured pictures of B of A employees, looking up at the camera with arms crossed and big smiles.
What I noticed was that of the four posters I saw, three featured women and one featured a man. All were light-skinned. The most curious (and foolishly patriarchal) thing about the posters was that in the poster featuring the man, he was centered in the poster and his image was quite large. The lettering went across his body, and his face was the most prominent part of the poster. In the three others, featuring women, their images were off to the left-hand side of the poster. Their images were much smaller, and the lettering was bigger across the top and in the middle of the page. The writing was the most prominent part of the poster.
Do you suppose they used focus groups?

Survival Within the Patriarchy

I got pulled over yesterday for the first time in many years.
The fair opened, and it's off the same freeway exit that I use to get home. Traffic was backed up for a mile to get to the exit, because even though that's where the fair is, there is still just the one exit lane after all these years. Anyway, I had my daughter's play to get to, so I wasn't going to wait in that line. I thought I would go to the next exit, but then I saw one of those median strips where they cops hang out. I decided to use that to turn around. A few seconds after I pulled into the median, I saw another car coming up beside me. "What an idiot!" I thought, and then I saw it was a cop. Ha! Now who's the idiot?
I immediately put on my "stupid female" hat. He gestures with his arms and shoulders to say, "What the hell are you doing?" I got out of the car and he got out of the car. He said, "You can't be in here!" I said, "I know but I didn't realize the backup was for Houghton and I went past my exit, and I just panicked but now I don't know how I am going to get out of here because the traffic coming the other way is going too fast!" He just looked at me. I said, "Do you want to give me a ticket?" He said, "Well, yeah!" I said, "Ok." He just looked at me again and then asked for my driver's license. I got it for him and then asked if he needed my insurance and registration paperwork. He said no, so I knew I was off the hook. He wrote down some stuff and I got back into my car, rolled down the window and put my seat belt back on. He told me he wasn't writing me a ticket, but a warning and I was not to do this anymore! I said I won't. Then he quickly stepped over and handed me my license, saying, "Now I have to go because there is a crash. Drive safe." He ran off without even giving me the warning, safe in the knowledge that he had rescued me from my own stupidity.
As long as it's an act.
I'm not sure it's hypocrisy as much as it is survival within the patriarchy.

Not going well.

It's a horrible thing to start the day with so much hate in my heart, so I am going to vent on my blog and hope like hell that gets it out of my system. It's so hard to be a patient, kind, and loving teacher when I feel like beating someone to a pulp.
I got my tax refund today, less the $900 I owed the IRS from a $400 mistake two years ago. After the penalties, interest, back-interest, etc. the $400 mistake ended up costing me more than $1,050.00. I have been making $50.00 payments since last summer, but the interest rate was so high that my payments barely made a dent. So, they took the balance out of my refund.
It is just so wrong. I haven't heard a single thing about the IRS cutting jobs. Those employees sit there in their recession proof offices and take money from people like me. They add as many penalties and fees to the debt as they possibly can. It is their JOB to squeeze as much money they can from my meager earnings. I don't know how they live with themselves. How do you justify spending your days taking money away from single parents who teach for a living? How can you possibly live with yourself, when your job as a tax collector is more valuable to our society than my job as a math teacher? I seriously think they are all in danger of burning in hell. They could be spending their time on the ENRON people of the country instead of near-poverty-level teachers. They could be working to close the loopholes that prevent G.W. Bush from paying less taxes, percentage wise, than I do. Oh, but he surely needs the money more than me.
It makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. I need that money to put away for this summer, when I will most likely be unemployed and looking for a job, once again. Today I am not proud to be an american.

Wednesday Bitchery

There are lots of really great things happening right now and only one not-so-great thing. Since it's still Wednesday, I can get some bitchery in! I have bronchitis. I have been sick for two freaking weeks. My lungs feel like they are on FIRE. So, I am taking tomorrow off work and staying in bed. all. day.

It's that time of year...

I dread this time every year. It's my least favorite week on the school calendar... third quarter parent conferences. Time to start thinking about who will be retained. Time to meet with parents who haven't been doing their jobs for years, and kids who haven't cared about their grades in years, and make them pay the piper. Ah, the wailing and gnashing of teeth! The excuses, the cop-outs, the laying of blame! In the end, it always comes out the same. I wish we could just cut to the chase. This is how it should go:

Teacher: You and your kid need to get it together or your kid is going to come back for another year.
Parent: Why is this the first I am hearing about this?
Teacher: It's not.
Parent: Why didn't anyone call me if little Johnny wasn't turning in homework?
Teacher: First, that isn't my job, and second, I did.
Parent, to child: Why aren't you doing your work?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Ok, so it looks like we're finished here. You have one shot: quit being a dumbass and buckle down for the next three months, and then we'll promote you because you are too big and we don't want you driving yourself to middle school. See ya.

Badda bing, badda boom. 3 minutes, we're done. Why the histrionics? Why the multiple opportunities for laying the blame elsewhere?
This is the week I hate my job.

Miss America!

Several people I know, one of which is a woman that I respect, is actually watching this annual misogynistic display of female stereotypical "desirable" traits. I want to tell her what I think. But I am not going to, because I think it would be unnecessary criticism.

I hate when I'm wrong.

The ultrasound on my thyroid gland came back normal, they said. It seems to me that the left side is still bigger than the right, even though my neck stopped hurting and the popping/clicking thing stopped happening. I am feeling better - I have been able to get out there and run again, although it still doesn't feel good like it used to. My muscles are fatigued after 2 miles, instead of energized. Maybe I didn't give myself enough time off after the half marathon.
At any rate, the doctor told me to keep a food diary, and even though it pissed me off, I did it. Then I found out that you can keep an electronic food diary on CalorieKing.com, and click on the foods you ate and it will count your calories for you. It also keeps track of what categories your calories fall into, your nutrients, and such. There is a fantastic bronze-to-gold medal type thing where you have to actually list your motivations and barriers, and sit and think about what you can do to make your motivators more powerful and your barriers less destructive. But I digress. You can get charts and graphs on this site as well, and what I saw was a bracing and sobering reality check. I eat too much food.
The three days after the half marathon, for example, my caloric intake was well over 3,000 per day. That's enough for a 300-lb woman to maintain her weight. The days before the half marathon, when I was not running because I was too tired or didn't feel well, and just trying to get through the day, my caloric intake is usually around 2,500. That's enough for a 250-lb woman to maintain her weight.
Could it be that I am actually tired because I'm fat, instead of being fat because I'm tired? Now, I'm not convinced that I am completely healthy. The low body temperatures, clumsiness, forgetfulness, and general fuzziness are very concerning to me. Those are not in my head. But if my bloodwork comes back normal, I am going to have to face the reality that I am over 40 and this is going to be my life. In that case, I really will have to increase my anti-depressant, because this is no life. At this moment, I have a burn from when I was cooking tortillas and set my arm down on the edge of the frying pan; and a 2-inch by 1/2-inch bruise on my arm in the exact shape of the side mirror on Jessica's car, from when I was walking towards the car and lifting my arm to avoid the mirror, but didn't quite make it. These are the injuries from last week alone. I trip, and lose my balance, and can't remember where I put things; I start to put the milk in my bedroom, and my eyeglasses in the fridge. I'm really scared that this might be my life. Twice last week I forgot to eat breakfast, which means I forgot to take my medications. Then I forgot to replace the extra one-day dose of meds that I keep in my purse, so the 2nd time I had to go home during my planning period to eat and take my meds.
So I am going back to the doc, to ask her to do bloodwork. I will tell her about the food diary and my realizations about my eating habits, and that I joined the website and will be keeping track of my progress and actively monitoring my eating and exercise. I will also tell her about what my life is like right now. Then I have about a week in between that and my next shrink appointment, so that if my bloodwork comes back normal I can talk to him about the situation and see what he thinks.
I really am scared.

You know what I think?

I think that doctors in general don't believe me when I say that I am a distance run/walker. I think that when I say I have done or am training for a half-marathon, they automatically filter that information out and decide I am full of it. After all, 220-lb women have no business talking about things like "race weight" and "training" and "long run." If they did, they wouldn't be 220 lbs, obviously.
So yesterday at my doctor's office, when I finished describing the difficulties I was having with my training, telling her that the half-marathon was this Sunday and I was kind of in a panic, she completely ignored that part of the discussion. She didn't give me any advice about whether or not it would be ok to try to complete the race. In fact, we didn't discuss my training at all. She treated me as if I were a regular old fat lady coming to complain about being tired and feeling achy, and advised me to exercise four times a week.
I'm sort of beside myself about this. By the end of the appointment I was battling with myself about whether or not it was going to be productive to tell her that she wasn't listening to me. In the end, I just decided to pay my co-pay and leave. I'll get the ultrasound on my thyroid and if it is enlarged, I will ask for a referral to an endocrinologist. I am certainly not going to leave that doctor in charge of my general well-being. Although I don't have any reason to think that an endocrinologist is more likely to believe that I am a distance runner/walker.

Wednesday Bitchery

I went to the doctor today for some pain I am having near my throat... not in my throat, but next to it. I am also tired beyond all reason, and fuzzy-headed, and just not functioning well. This has been going on for about a week. She looked up my chart because she doesn't know who I am (I don't see her very often, because I am healthy) and noticed that I have gained 15 pounds since I was last there. She felt my neck and then noticed the left side of my thyroid gland appears to be enlarged. So she ordered an ultrasound of my thyroid. I told her that the last time I had been in was last May because my parotid gland was infected after my first half-marathon. I told her I had been training for the PF Chang's this weekend, and that I hadn't run in a week and a half because I am too tired to get myself out there. I told her I had reached the 8-mile point in my training, at which point she said I might be overdoing it. She then proceeded to give me the following suggestions:
1. Exercise 4 times a week
2. Read and follow the diet tips she wrote herself (she used to be a size 12, holy cellulite, batman!)
3. Keep a food diary and bring it to my next visit
4. Talk to my shrink about increasing my dose of anti-depressant
5. See a personal trainer and/or start strength training in addition to cardio
Who the hell is the lunatic here? I went in there for pain next to my throat... I complained that I haven't been able to train for my HALF MARATHON in a week and a half because of the headaches and general malaise... we went over the fact that this would be my SECOND HALF MARATHON... so she notices my thyroid is swollen and then talks about my FOOD? And suggests I exercise 4 days a week for 30 minutes, when I just got done telling her I couldn't TRAIN?
Whatever.

The Pressure!!!

Yesterday I returned to somewhat of a hurricane at work. Three teachers are "no longer with us" - 2 of whom I knew weren't coming back, but another that was a complete surprise. The long-term sub across the hall from me, who was the 4th teacher to attempt to teach 7th and 8th grade science in that room, has been told that she is no longer needed. Then, one of the 6th grade math/science teachers moved in to that room?! In the middle of the school day?! The kids didn't do a lick of anything in that classroom. They just watched the sub reading a book and the 6th grade teacher moving in. The principal came into my room once, and then one of the assistant principals came in twice. The AP asked me why my boards weren't done (we have a host of things we are required to write on the board every day) and I said it was because I was going over test scores. Then she asked for my lesson plans and I told her I hadn't printed them out. (Really, I just hadn't done them.) So she asked what time I wanted her to come back! And what she meant was, GET IT DONE. NOW. So I got it done and she came back and I think everything is OK.
It was a shame because I was calling students up one at a time and talking about their test scores with them. I was showing them how they did on the second benchmark compared to the first, and then telling them exactly how far away they were from moving up to the next level. The kids were very responsive and many of them had a lot to be proud of. The thing that bothers me is that this wasn't something the administration could get behind. They don't care what is actually happening in my classroom... they just want the boards filled out and the lesson plans in the pocket where they are expected to be.
It's horribly disconcerting when teachers just appear and disappear like that. Especially when one is on a temporary contract. The hurricane stems from the fact that we have a "solutions team" coming this week. This is a group of people selected by the state to come in and see what our school is doing in order to make adequate yearly progress on our AIMS so we aren't a failing school anymore. Apparently things will be happening rather quickly following the "solution team's" solutions. Decisions will be made about who is staying and who is leaving, even amongst the administration.
So I'm feeling a little bit stressed... but I am just going to keep my head down and do what I do best, which is teach. We're doing some really fun stuff in 8th grade right now.