The Gym

Gyms have come a long way,  baby. Today I went with a friend to her gym. It was fantastic! The machines were clean, well-functioning, and easy to use. And plentiful. They have stair steppers, ellipticals, 2 kinds of bikes, treadmills, and lots of weight lifting. There were these machines that I have never seen before - personal trainer machines or something like that - I definitely want to investigate that next time I go. I am definitely thinking about joining. It's $9.99 a month with no contract, but you have to pay a stupid start-up fee and then an annual fee every January. It was so awesome though... the biggest ceiling fans I have ever seen. Ipod chargers built in to the machines. Fans built in to the treadmills. Plentiful TV's and all you have to do is plug your headphones in to the machine and choose the channel you want. Lots of cleaning stations. The best part - get this!! A "no grunting" rule. There is no cursing, shouting, yelling, or other kind of noise-making. They have created an atmosphere that is incredibly welcoming. I was very impressed, obviously.
So, I have exercised 3 days in a row. Today I did 3 machines and worked out for 45 minutes. It was so much more pleasant at that gym. The workout room at my apartment complex has 2 treadmills, 2 bikes, and 2 ellipticals. One of the elliptical display panels is all paint splattered and can't really be used. One of the bikes has a missing handle and a torn seat. Worst of all, it is hotter than hell in there. There is no cleaning station and not even a fan. It's better than nothing. It just doesn't inspire me to want to go in there much, or stay long once I'm there.
Food has gone well the last 2 days. I'm still eating too many calories but they are good calories, so I have no qualms about that.  I haven't weighed myself and I hope I don't give in and do it. It does absolutely no good. The scale doesn't tell me whether or not my clothes fit... only whether or not they SHOULD according to my history. That's bad because then I get on the scale, think oh, I can wear those shorts because this is how much I weight last time they fit! Then they don't fit, because my weight is distributed differently or whatever, and then I'm pissed. Being pissed about anything food or weight related leads to eating food. Stupid, huh?

The Answer

This morning I watched the political pundits, and I wanted to make fried potatoes and eggs and eat them while I watched. Instead, I made a smoothie with kale, spinach, carrots, berries, flaxseed, and some vitamin c and probiotics, and drank it. Then,  I wanted to make fried potatoes (at that point I was willing to give up the eggs) and sit and read my book. Instead, I got into my long-neglected workout clothes and went to the exercise room in my apartment complex. I rode the bike for 20 minutes and then walked on the treadmill for 10. After that, I wanted to make fried potatoes and sit and read my book. Instead, I made another smoothie sans flaxseed and supplements, and drank it. Now I will clean up and get to the grocery store when what I want to do is sit and read my book. (It's a really good book.)
If I only knew why I have the strength to do these things some days and not others, maybe I could find a way to make it happen more frequently. Because ultimately, the answer to my mood swings is not more pills. It's on the treadmill and the exercise bike and the elliptical. It's outside at 5 a.m. walking toward the sunrise. It's in the raw whole food smoothies. Why my logical brain can't be in charge all of the time I will probably never know, but I'm certainly going to take advantage of the times when it is. So far today, healthy is winning.

Freaking dreams!

My recurring school-themed dreams have started up again. They had gone away for a couple of weeks when my doctor started me on a new medication that is supposed to help me sleep better, which is supposed to help me stabilize. Waking up with knots in my stomach from the stupid dreams is SO not fun. On another note, I have been on a total and complete sugar binge for 3 days now. Digestive system in complete revolt and I feel like shit.

A Good Week

The past week has been mostly successful as far as my quest to adopt a whole foods diet. I have had cheese and some milk, but no meat other than shrimp that I had yesterday. My friend Maggie wants to do the juice reboot we saw when we watched "Fat, Sick, and Dying." (You can watch the movie at the same website for free - just go to the Home tab.) I don't think I want to do it. I simply cannot imagine giving up food for any period of time. I'm also worried about the low protein intake, although I have not found any evidence that it is a problem, even long-term. A large quantity of greens provides more protein than I knew.
Yesterday I stopped at Panda Express in between a doctor's appointment and a pedicure, and I ate the honey-walnut shrimp with chow mien. The chow mien was OK but I did not care for the feeling of chewing the shrimp, and it was way too sweet. The walnuts were candied, for god's sake. It was pretty much gross.
I'm feeling almost ready to start exercising again. I have to keep reminding myself that I can do other things besides trying to run. I just want so badly to get back into the shape I was before, when I was doing half marathons. Riding the bike and/or doing the elliptical will help get me ready. I just need to keep that in mind.
I'm much more stable following the adjustment to my medication a couple of weeks ago. I am not feeling sorry for myself anymore and feel happy most of the time. I had a dentist appointment on Friday, and those are always traumatic even though I get the nitrous oxide. I had to have extra novocaine because it was hurting on the side of my mouth opposite of where he was drilling. As a result, the entire lower left part of my face was numb, including my nose. It was horrid. Last night I dreamed that I was numb all the way up to one eye, and it wouldn't wear off, and I had to wear an eye patch. I don't know why the dentist is so freaking difficult for me, but whatever. I'm being an adult and getting it done, even though I hate it. My next appointment will be my last 2 fillings (I had 6) and then I have a crown that needs to be replaced. Yuck.

Wednesday Mostly Bitchery

It is really nice to have time to blog. It won't last long, I think... school starts August 6th, and starting August 22 I will be teaching a college class from 4:00 - 5:15, Monday through Thursday. I think that will pretty much take care of any kind of personal life I might have had.
I am gaining weight at an alarming rate. I have to go clothes shopping because I have exactly 2 work appropriate outfits that fit. I'm near utter despair. I know that in addition to adopting a whole foods, plant-based diet, I MUST exercise. I just haven't been able to make myself do it.
Mostly, it is emotional eating that is in my way. I've lost all of my close friends in the last half year or so. I've made one close friend, which helps, but the absence of my other close friends, and the ways in which I lost them, keeps me up at night. I try not to think about it. My disease has been out of hand, which has been a major contributor to both the loss of my friends and the eating. I want to work out ways to deal with my disease, when it is taking over my life and I don't yet know it. I wish to god I could find someone, anyone, who would be willing to put up with me when I am in the clutches of the thing. I mean a companion. My mom puts up with it, of course, and my daughters. They always forgive me my episodes, and for that I am truly thankful. They are never abusive, and when I come out of it, we talk about it, and move past it. My kids know they have a crazy mother, and they deal with it. My mom knows she has a crazy daughter, and she deals with it. My students always forgive me as well, even they don't know the reasons for my behavior. I am thankful for that as well. I almost think it would be better to have a disease that would kill me, because at least then I would know that there would be an end to it. When I think about all of this, I eat. Sometimes I eat until I feel sick. Eating makes me stop thinking about it. Sick, huh? Drinking makes me stop thinking about it too. Even worse.
Some of the friends had to go, and my disease had nothing to do with it. The one who became a coke whore and hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, for instance. Or, the one who didn't want to be my friend anymore when I stopped drinking. Or, the one who didn't want to talk about anything but work, and every conversation with her left me exhausted and stressed out.
Knowing I will live the rest of my life like this is enough to send me over the edge, if I dwell on it. So I try not to. I have to keep reminding myself that I didn't ask for this disease, it's not my fault that I have this disease, and that I am doing the absolute best I can to still be a good person even though I have this disease. I hate it though. I hate this disease with every fiber of my being. I resent it. I resent it taking over my life and wreaking havoc. I resent not knowing when that is happening, and therefore not having the ability to stop it. I resent not having a single person in my life who is willing to tell me when I am out of control, BEFORE the hateful thing wrecks my life and treats others poorly. I resent not being able to make other people understand that it's not ME. I resent who I am when I'm in the clutches of it. I resent having to hide it, the dirty secret, because once I use the vocabulary of the disease, I am "less than" in the eyes of others. I resent BEING "less than."
Most of all, I resent the people who think I am making the whole thing up. Fuck you, I want to say. I wish you could walk a mile in my shoes. I wish you could experience just one episode of each extreme of my disease. I wish you could know what it's like to have your life spiral out of control, and not even know it until after the damage has been done. I wish you could teeter on the edge of sanity. Just to know what it feels like. I wish you could understand the feeling of not wanting to live anymore because you don't have control of the life you have. I wish you could see what my daughters see. I wish, I wish, I wish. In the words of my papa, wish in one hand and shit in the other, and see which one fills up first. 
But enough of the pity party. If I can eat the foods that will help make me whole, and if I can take care of my body in a way that will help make me whole, it would change many things for the better. It's just a day at a time, an hour at a time. Yesterday I made it clear up until 4:30 before I lost it! Until that point, I had eaten nothing but whole, plant-based foods. Victory was mine for that part of the day! Maybe today it will last until 5:00... or even later... one can hope! One can try!

I watched "Forks Over Knives" and "Fat, Sick, and Dying" yesterday. They were both informative and eye-opening documentaries. I have been sort of gravitating toward a whole foods diet, having morning smoothies that contain nothing but whole, mostly organic foods, and a couple of natural supplements. The smoothies are filling and delicious and not difficult to keep as part of my routine. I am interested in learning more about the connection between diet and health, and the more I learn, the more I realized how much I don't know about food.
Last night I dreamed that I was over-the-top hungry and went to a drive-through. I ordered and wolfed down a giant hamburger without thinking about it. After, I was sitting there feeling sort of sick and I realized I had eaten red meat. I didn't feel shame or guilt or anything like that... it was more like, why the hell did I do that to myself? Now it's going to take at least a day before I feel normal again. That dream is a good example of how my food dreams are changing, along with my attitudes and beliefs about nutrition.
Walking along the back wall of the grocery store yesterday, where the juices, eggs, and dairy are stored, Jessica pointed to the juice drinks that are put in cartons and marketed as nutritious. She said, "I remember when I thought that was juice." It started me thinking about where my children learned about nutrition. I never explicitly taught them about nutrition. I believe this is because of ignorance on my part. I am guilty of feeding them the same bullshit I was fed about certain heavily-subsidized foods that are a large part of the American diet. "Drink your milk. It will give you strong bones and teeth." "Eat your meat. It has the protein you need to make you strong." I also told them the one thing that has always been true: "We need to eat more fruits and vegetables. They are good for us." Words are only words, and all three of us have struggled with weight, although my children not near as much as me.
That statement about fruits and vegetables is just about  the only thing that all of America seems to agree on regarding nutrition. Well, everybody except for maybe Dr. Atkins, and perhaps after death and in hindsight he agrees now, too.
What I realized yesterday is that, unbidden and without permission, our education system has taken on the task of teaching our children about nutrition. That doesn't seem like such a bad idea, in and of itself. Where else would our kids learn about food? Like me, most parents do not set out to teach their children about food. They teach by example. This would not necessarily be a bad thing; in fact, if the curriculum were science-based, it might even be a good thing. This is where it gets scary, though. The agriculture industry in general is heavily lobbied in Washington. Our public schools, without being checked, are teaching our kids about food. They are teaching about food in the classroom, and they are teaching about food in the cafeteria. The food in the cafeteria is crappy, and the lessons in the classroom are based on what the government tells us about nutrition. I'm beginning to be convinced that everything I thought I knew about nutrition is just plain wrong. There is proof all around us. As a nation, we are fat, sick, and dying. It's our food. I think Bill Maher had it right when he said something to the effect of, "There's no money in healthy people. There is no money in dead people either. The money is in the middle, where the sick people are. Somebody has got to say that pills are not the answer. Somebody has to stand up and say the answer is spinach."
There are a whole lot of people making a whole lot of money off of the fat, sick, and dying American population. It's something to think about.

Sunday already??

So here it is Sunday, and I need to do my long. BUT it's been a tough week. I only went on Monday and Thursday, and Monday's was very short. Tuesday, I sat up and dangled my feet off the bed to say my prayers. Next thing I knew, I was waking up at 5:00 (45 minutes later). I must have fallen asleep saying my prayers and got back under the covers without waking up. Wednesday I just kept hitting the snooze button. Friday I woke up feeling as though I was hit by a truck. I managed to get to work but then got the shivers and felt so poorly I left work and came home to bed. Yesterday I planned to go before work at my second job, but graded papers instead. So here I am and it's Sunday and I'm ill prepared to go 10% further than last week. It will have to be the same as last week and it will have to be ok! Hopefully I will have time later to map out my training for Denver at the end of May. I still have a lot of papers to grade, and I need to do lesson plans as well, not to mention it's the stupid superbowl today and I'm going to my dad's for the game. The good news is, I will have earned a couple of beers.
***Update: 3.25 miles, done and done! 

2 jobs + training for half marathon = very tired teacher

Yesterday I did 2 miles at a 15-minute mile pace. We went a different route, so poop dog, who is completely neurotic, was jumpy and obnoxious. I was irritable because I'm so tired, so I yelled at her and told her I wasn't going to bring her anymore, which I'm sure made her happy because she doesn't want to be dragged out of her bed in the first place.
I'm glad it's Friday and even though there has been a substitute teacher for 2 days because I had to go to a stupid vocabulary training, I'm going to find a math puzzle for the students to do so that I can get caught up. I'm totally in survivial mode and that's all right because I will survive.
I didn't exercise today... my stomach is in revolt and I don't know if it's from being tired or if I'm actually going to come down with something.... airborn to the rescue! Here's to crappy math teachers, hooray! Here's to the weekend, hooray! I'm planning on doing 3.7 miles on Sunday.

no dog = faster walk

This morning I did a very quick 1.4 miles. By very quick I mean about 20 minutes. I did faster than 15-minute miles. It was awesome. 

A hellish 3

I drank coffee, had my muscle milk and V-8, watched political pundits, and played on the computer. Then poop dog and I set out on our walk/jog. It is now officially a walk/jog because I set my interval timer for a 1:00 to 0:10 walk/jog ratio.Yes, 10 seconds... I have to start slow! It's the best way to change... one baby step at a time. I don't think the intervals were the reason that the trip never became joyful. It might be the 3 days off in a row, it might be the junk food I ate during my PMS. It might have been just one of those crappy days! Anyway it's done. Now I am going to rest before I go grocery shopping and get food ready for lunches and dinners this week.

Stupid timer!

I did 1.6 yesterday, in a hurry because I left late because I was fooling around on the internet. I was reading fairweather's post about the supportive family members and dogs being dragged out of their warm beds. It had never occurred to me to just drag poop dog out of the bed and make her come with me... after all, I don't want to go either, yet here I am in my outfit! So even though poop dog tried to escape my clutches, I put her harness and leash on and off we went. Lo and behold, once fat dog realized that poop dog was going whether or not she liked it, he decided he needed to have a walk too. So when I got back from my 1.6, I had to put his harness on and then take him with me for my cool down. (He has hip dysplaisa, so he can't go far.)
All of this and I was only 10 minutes later than usual for work. Yay!
Today is a rest day, meaning still a 12-hour workday but NO walk/jog.

new technology - time to learn it = slow walk

Yesterday I used my new iPod Nano that my wonderful daughters bought me for Christmas. I hadn't uploaded music to it yet because my work computer, which is the only one I have, got re-imaged and I lost all my music. I've been slowly getting it back. Finally this past weekend I got the music loaded on to the iPod. Off I went for my walk yesterday, sans poop dog again because she kept running away when I tried to put her coat on so I left her home. The iPod stopped playing music every time the screen went black, which was approximately every 30 seconds. I kept trying to figure out what was wrong with it, and while I was doing that, I was walking at little more than a stroll. Then my pants started to chafe because they are too small, and I said f*ck it and turned around. Turns out my ear buds weren't plugged in all the way. Dorkery of the highest order.
I'm off for today's walk/run. Hoping it will go better. I ate 3 damn chocolate truffles right before bed and now I have a sugar hangover, which I am sure the walk/run will cure if I go fast enough. I lost half a pound last week, which I guess is better than gaining, and is fortunate considering I was over my calories on 4 out of the 7 days.

quick 2

This morning I did 2.1 miles in 33 minutes.Good enough for me. The poop dog didn't want to go so I went by myself, and I wonder if taking her is slowing me down. I have to hold her on a very short leash so I can only pump with one arm while I am walking/jogging.
My right knee is beginning to complain. Let's hope it passes quickly. I'm wearing my knee brace to sleep. I don't know if that will make a difference.
I'm registered for the Colorado Colfax on May 20th and I'm very excited!! Classes at Pima will be over, and it is the weekend before the last week of school. I'm on the lookout for cheap plane tickets!

A delicious 2.6

After 3 days off, I increased my distance by a mile and still went 3.5 mph. That's good enough for me! It is absolutely beautiful outside. I didn't have to wear a coat and neither did poop dog. I did 3 short running intervals, which felt great, and walked the rest. It felt so good. I have to get everything ready for next week so that I have ready-made packets of healthy stuff to take in my lunch/dinner box. Life is a LOT easier when I can pack my lunch/dinner in less than a minute.
I've become somewhat of an expert at my Pima job since I have spent more hours there than any of the other instructors, tutors, or proctors. The students' skills range from not knowing how to multiply a 4-digit number by a single digit, to bypassing the first 3 modules and getting to pre-algebra by their second class. The time usually goes by fast and I really like helping these people, so far. I tend to think that as in all college classes, the attendance will slowly shrink as the semester goes on. Maybe it will be different since it is self-paced and there is so much help available. We still have the age-old problem in math class where people are so afraid of being thought stupid that they quit rather than ask for help. A solution to that problem would be so very nice.

The perils of going in the dark

I almost got squished like a bug this morning. Poop dog too since she was on a very short leash. I was approaching the traffic light on the corner where I usually cross. The light turned yellow so I started jogging, and it turned red just as I was about to step into the crosswalk. There was a car in the street waiting to go straight. Instead of crossing, I veered to the left and decided to cross a little farther down the street. As I veered, and this whole thing happened in about 2/10 of a second, a car roared through the right turn lane, went around the car waiting to go straight, and ran that (very) red light! Had I not veered left at the last second, it would have hit me. Hard. It had to be traveling at least 50 mph. It was crazy and scary.
I did the same 1.6 as I did yesterday, only I did it 2.5 minutes faster. I spent some time jogging and it was wonderful.
I'm planning on tomorrow and the next day off, as I think I might overdo it otherwise, taking into account the 2nd job.

1.6

I'm going 3.5 miles per hour, so that's good. Pretty quick progress if you ask me. I started my 2nd job today and was on my feet from 8 a.m. until 7 p.m. I'm tired and my legs hurt. I'll still get up and try to go tomorrow morning though. The good thing is I was way too busy to eat and now I'm too tired to be hungry!

A small setback, a good week.

I'm having a pretty bad stomach attack. It was enough to make me miserable for hours last evening, then a miserable night trying to sleep, and now the tenderness and lower GI fun. I don't know what caused it. It was sort of like the ulcer attacks I used to have, but the pain was different. So, only 3 days of exercise last week. It was the first week back at work after the winter break, so I was tired, and I was doing pretty good with my food choices toward the end of the week. All in all, I have to say it was a successful week.
I am going to try for a stroll with the dog later, if my stomach will allow it.

A somewhat quicker 1.6

I took poop dog out this morning and we did 1.6. I felt like it was faster but I'm not sure because I somehow messed up my timer. I got back at the usual time, so I put 22 minutes in my exercise journal.
I think I will have to cancel my plans to do the 10-k at the end of February. It's too soon and I really can't afford the trip. If I am wrong and it's really not too soon, then I will make my long that day and make it 10k.

It was dark.

I did 1.3 miles today in the cold dark morning, in the same time it took me to go 1.25 the last 2 walks. Yay for progress! My muscles are fatigued and my pants are tighter than they were before, but I'm trying not to be pissed off about that. I'm convincing myself that my fatigued muscles are holding on to water instead.
I ended up taking yesterday off. I had left my phone at work, so I was without an alarm clock. I got an extra alarm clock my mom had laying around, and thought I had set it... but I didn't actually turn the alarm ON. I woke up at 5:30 on my own, so I thought that if I didn't need that extra hour of sleep, I would have woken up at 4:30 on my own instead. On the way to work I thought that I would try to make myself go after work, even if it was just a stroll with poop dog and fat dog. When I got home, I was ravenously hungry, as usual. I ate my dinner and sat down to watch Judge Judy and psych myself up for said stroll. It was then that the sista drama referred to by Beautiful Disaster began. After that I was so depressed I just went to bed.
After some reflection, I think that the combination of getting back on the horse and trying to do Janathon at the same time is a bad idea, so I'm not going to do it. 5 days a week is perfectly suitable for me at this point in my journey. I will look forward to Juneathon instead.

Janathon day 3*

This morning was definitely easier to do the same 1.25 miles, although my time was the same. It was 5 a.m. and completely dark, and cold enough to see your breath. Poop dog didn't really wake up until we were a quarter mile in or so. It was funny. Fat dog barked at me when I opened the door to take poop dog and put her leash on. He was afraid I was going to make him go too.
I feel some soreness in my legs and butt. My feet, knees, and ankles still aren't complaining. It's really so wonderful. I thought I was destined to be in pain if I was ever going to run again. Knowing that I can get back to where I was and be pain free is very motivating for me.
I can really feel the muscles in my lower back working hard when I walk, but my back doesn't hurt otherwise. It's strange. I guess it is getting stronger, which is exciting because maybe it won't hurt anymore either!
I didn't do well with my food yesterday. It's so hard to be sane when certain people bring loads and loads of junk food into the house!!!!!! No, nobody is forcing me to eat it. It's just that I have so little self control. Also, certain people who love me very much gave me an obscene amount of my very favorite chocolate:



I swore to eat just 2 each day, at the end of the day, but that went to hell last night when I couldn't sleep and ate 5 of them.
So, I'm still at my all time heaviest weight. It sucks. I joined myfitnesspal.com because my mom and one of my sisters goes there and it might help. It certainly can't hurt. My username is missyfus if you want to add me. The more the merrier!
*(I started Janathon late but I'm hoping to finish it out!)*

It doesn't matter how fast or how far. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

I went 1.25 miles, same as yesterday, but today I timed myself. It took 22 minutes. Twenty.Two.
I just can't compare myself to when I was in shape. It's counterproductive. I will say it felt a tad easier today than yesterday.
I'm going to keep that 1.25 mile route until my back muscles are not yelling at the halfway point. Then I will extend it slowly. My goal is 5 days a week. I will be working my second job on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights. I think I will be the most tired on Thursday and Friday mornings, so I will take those days off.
Yesterday I hadn't eaten before I walked and then when I came home, I pigged out. I ate my leftover Red Lobster from the night before, then a quesadilla and I think a donut. Today I drank a muscle milk a while before I left and I feel hungry now but not out of control hungry.
I'm spending time making a plan for the days I work both jobs. I'm scared to death that I will be hitting drive-throughs and wolfing down big macs and fries every night. So far, my plan is to pack a small cooler of food for each day. I want to have enough food so that I can eat on my way to the second job and on my way home. I'm ravenous at the end of the teaching day. I will need a hearty sandwich and probably a piece of fruit or something like that. Then maybe some nuts and dried fruit on the way home. I'll just have to see. The days will be long and I'm worried about getting my workout done in the wee hours of the morning. There's just no room for a plan B on those days.

I feel it

Just did 1.25 miles with the poop dog. (She poops in the house every chance she gets.) Those shoes are like nothing I have ever felt. All of the strain is in my muscles. I can feel it in my entire lower body. My back muscles started to ache so I made sure to hold in my abdominals and that helped. My right knee is popping a little bit, but it doesn't hurt. Nothing hurts! Just the muscle burn/ache that you feel after a workout and it's a good feeling. So. It's the 7th of January, but I'm going to try to finish the Janathon.

The math, how it burns!!

I am going through an online tutoring program in order to be ready for my job at the local community college, teaching remedial college math. (This means teaching high school math to college students.) It's a second job, and I will be working Tuesday through Thursday from 4pm until 7pm, and Saturdays from 9am to 1pm. Since I have done nothing but 7th grade math for the last 6 years, I need to bone up on my college algebra. So this tutoring program is kicking my ass right about now. The pure algebra is done, and now I am doing applications problems like this:
:
One monorail train travels around the amusement park at a speed of 10 miles per hour for part of the trip. It travels at a speed of 12 miles per hour for the remainder of the trip. If the entire trip is 18 miles, and it takes 1.6 hours, how long does it travel on the second part of the trip?

and this: A jar holds the same number of dimes and quarters. If the value of the quarters is $0.60 more than the value of the dimes, how many kind of each coin is in the jar?

This is the stuff of nightmares for most people. College professors tend to say things like, "This is the exact same problem! It's just that.... (blah blah whatever their reasoning is)." To the untrained eye, they look completely different. They actually are the same kind of problem, but it's not as easy as all that. For the first time in my math life, I am learning why this is true. I am thinking that college professors and other math teachers that make students feel dumb by saying the problems are the same but being unable to explain WHY means that they don't really understand the why of it. And if you don't understand exactly how and why something works, you can't teach it.
I'm slogging through it, bit by bit. I have moments where I think I'll never understand it. I don't have a tutor or teacher to help me. There is nobody in my life that would be able to explain this to me. I just have to get through it. I just have to figure it out on my own. And it's hard.
And this is how I'm spending my winter break.

I got my shoes.

I got these shoes at Famous Footwear for $30.00. I got a pair of shape-ups flip-flops for half price ($12.50) along with them. So it's on, bitchezzzzzzz!!! I'm headed for Roswell, New Mexico at the end of February for the Pecos Valley Stampede. There is a half-marathon, a 10k, and a 2-mile run or walk. I'm hoping for the 10-k but we will see how I do. If I can get my longs up to 5 miles before then, I should be fine. It costs $20.00 to register - cheapest race I've seen in a long while. Plus it's in Roswell!! It's on a Saturday, on the weekend of the Rodeo. I can head out on Friday morning, be rested for the race Saturday, then head home Sunday. Sounds like fun, no? Come with!!

Step One: Get your house in order.

By house, I mean intestines. Picture eating tamales for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for about a week. On second thought, don't picture it. Just trust me. It takes a lot of metamucil to undo that shit. For the last 3 days I've been making a conscious effort to eat fruits and vegetables. Even if some of the eating them is actually drinking them. It's a start.


Now that I have hope of being able to go walk/run without causing a lot of pain to my feet, ankles, and knees, I am thinking I will be able to get back on the proverbial horse. I just need to get a pair of walking shape-ups like these. I bought some shape-ups because they were on clearance and they were cute, even though I had sworn to myself I would not buy into that disgusting trend. However, I changed my tune rather quickly when I wore the shoes and found that my joints, feet, and back no longer hurt, even after a few hours on my feet. It's a friggin christmas miracle, I tell ya.

So I'll be back in the saddle soon, folks.