I called in sick!

I don't have to go to my last Tuesday in prison because I called in sick. I might just call later on today and say that I'm not coming back at all. I just might do that.

Last Monday

Today is my last Monday at the prison. I should be happy but I am just as filled with anxiety as I always am before work. Stomach revolting, shaking, sweating, panic-filled and so tired. But I will get through the day, just like I have for the last month, hour by hour. It will pass by, no matter how slowly. Or, maybe I'll get lucky and it will go by fast! It's happened before!

What if I forgot how to teach?

Only one more week until I can be a teacher again. I took a 7th grade math position at a middle school about 15 minutes away from my house. I worry that I have forgotten how to teach in the last 5 months of insanity. What if I don't know what to do? Then I think that's just silly, of course I will know what to do!! I will snap back into being a teacher because that's what I do. This last 5 months has been an aberration. I guess I just wanted to see what it was like to be a corrections officer. Well, now I know. I also know it's not the job for me! I just don't want to delude myself about the situation I am going into now. I will be taking over someone else's classroom after an entire quarter, which is no small job. I just have to have faith that I will know what to do, that the last 3 years experience will be enough to get me through the transition. I am totally excited about being around 7th graders again.

The old man

Yesterday the old man I work with told me I was "falling apart like a ten dollar shotgun and wound up tighter than a ten cent watch." So I guess he mixes his metaphors. That one actually felt kind of mean so I didn't really respond when he said that. Usually I laugh at him.
He has been working at the prison forever. I mean, like 20 years or something. Once when I asked him what the secret was, he told me he was heavily sedated and offered to give me the number of his doctor. I can never tell when he is serious so I just laughed.
He is also the one that said to me once, "What in the cornbreaded hell are you eating?" Which made me laugh so hard I almost spewed my food all over the table.
If I can get through today, only 5 more days left.

8 more days

I put in my 2 week notice on Monday, so my time at the facility grows short. Thank Goddess, because that place is so full of ugliness I can't keep going there without changing who I am. So I'm leaving. There is this old man I work with who reminds me a lot of my papa. Yesterday he found out I was quitting and he said, "All I had to do was take a look at your face over the past two weeks to know you were falling apart like a ten dollar watch." I thanked him for being supportive. 8 more days.