Saturday, January 30, 2010
Miss America!
Several people I know, one of which is a woman that I respect, is actually watching this annual misogynistic display of female stereotypical "desirable" traits. I want to tell her what I think. But I am not going to, because I think it would be unnecessary criticism.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
I hate when I'm wrong.
The ultrasound on my thyroid gland came back normal, they said. It seems to me that the left side is still bigger than the right, even though my neck stopped hurting and the popping/clicking thing stopped happening. I am feeling better - I have been able to get out there and run again, although it still doesn't feel good like it used to. My muscles are fatigued after 2 miles, instead of energized. Maybe I didn't give myself enough time off after the half marathon.
At any rate, the doctor told me to keep a food diary, and even though it pissed me off, I did it. Then I found out that you can keep an electronic food diary on CalorieKing.com, and click on the foods you ate and it will count your calories for you. It also keeps track of what categories your calories fall into, your nutrients, and such. There is a fantastic bronze-to-gold medal type thing where you have to actually list your motivations and barriers, and sit and think about what you can do to make your motivators more powerful and your barriers less destructive. But I digress. You can get charts and graphs on this site as well, and what I saw was a bracing and sobering reality check. I eat too much food.
The three days after the half marathon, for example, my caloric intake was well over 3,000 per day. That's enough for a 300-lb woman to maintain her weight. The days before the half marathon, when I was not running because I was too tired or didn't feel well, and just trying to get through the day, my caloric intake is usually around 2,500. That's enough for a 250-lb woman to maintain her weight.
Could it be that I am actually tired because I'm fat, instead of being fat because I'm tired? Now, I'm not convinced that I am completely healthy. The low body temperatures, clumsiness, forgetfulness, and general fuzziness are very concerning to me. Those are not in my head. But if my bloodwork comes back normal, I am going to have to face the reality that I am over 40 and this is going to be my life. In that case, I really will have to increase my anti-depressant, because this is no life. At this moment, I have a burn from when I was cooking tortillas and set my arm down on the edge of the frying pan; and a 2-inch by 1/2-inch bruise on my arm in the exact shape of the side mirror on Jessica's car, from when I was walking towards the car and lifting my arm to avoid the mirror, but didn't quite make it. These are the injuries from last week alone. I trip, and lose my balance, and can't remember where I put things; I start to put the milk in my bedroom, and my eyeglasses in the fridge. I'm really scared that this might be my life. Twice last week I forgot to eat breakfast, which means I forgot to take my medications. Then I forgot to replace the extra one-day dose of meds that I keep in my purse, so the 2nd time I had to go home during my planning period to eat and take my meds.
So I am going back to the doc, to ask her to do bloodwork. I will tell her about the food diary and my realizations about my eating habits, and that I joined the website and will be keeping track of my progress and actively monitoring my eating and exercise. I will also tell her about what my life is like right now. Then I have about a week in between that and my next shrink appointment, so that if my bloodwork comes back normal I can talk to him about the situation and see what he thinks.
I really am scared.
At any rate, the doctor told me to keep a food diary, and even though it pissed me off, I did it. Then I found out that you can keep an electronic food diary on CalorieKing.com, and click on the foods you ate and it will count your calories for you. It also keeps track of what categories your calories fall into, your nutrients, and such. There is a fantastic bronze-to-gold medal type thing where you have to actually list your motivations and barriers, and sit and think about what you can do to make your motivators more powerful and your barriers less destructive. But I digress. You can get charts and graphs on this site as well, and what I saw was a bracing and sobering reality check. I eat too much food.
The three days after the half marathon, for example, my caloric intake was well over 3,000 per day. That's enough for a 300-lb woman to maintain her weight. The days before the half marathon, when I was not running because I was too tired or didn't feel well, and just trying to get through the day, my caloric intake is usually around 2,500. That's enough for a 250-lb woman to maintain her weight.
Could it be that I am actually tired because I'm fat, instead of being fat because I'm tired? Now, I'm not convinced that I am completely healthy. The low body temperatures, clumsiness, forgetfulness, and general fuzziness are very concerning to me. Those are not in my head. But if my bloodwork comes back normal, I am going to have to face the reality that I am over 40 and this is going to be my life. In that case, I really will have to increase my anti-depressant, because this is no life. At this moment, I have a burn from when I was cooking tortillas and set my arm down on the edge of the frying pan; and a 2-inch by 1/2-inch bruise on my arm in the exact shape of the side mirror on Jessica's car, from when I was walking towards the car and lifting my arm to avoid the mirror, but didn't quite make it. These are the injuries from last week alone. I trip, and lose my balance, and can't remember where I put things; I start to put the milk in my bedroom, and my eyeglasses in the fridge. I'm really scared that this might be my life. Twice last week I forgot to eat breakfast, which means I forgot to take my medications. Then I forgot to replace the extra one-day dose of meds that I keep in my purse, so the 2nd time I had to go home during my planning period to eat and take my meds.
So I am going back to the doc, to ask her to do bloodwork. I will tell her about the food diary and my realizations about my eating habits, and that I joined the website and will be keeping track of my progress and actively monitoring my eating and exercise. I will also tell her about what my life is like right now. Then I have about a week in between that and my next shrink appointment, so that if my bloodwork comes back normal I can talk to him about the situation and see what he thinks.
I really am scared.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
You know what I think?
I think that doctors in general don't believe me when I say that I am a distance run/walker. I think that when I say I have done or am training for a half-marathon, they automatically filter that information out and decide I am full of it. After all, 220-lb women have no business talking about things like "race weight" and "training" and "long run." If they did, they wouldn't be 220 lbs, obviously.
So yesterday at my doctor's office, when I finished describing the difficulties I was having with my training, telling her that the half-marathon was this Sunday and I was kind of in a panic, she completely ignored that part of the discussion. She didn't give me any advice about whether or not it would be ok to try to complete the race. In fact, we didn't discuss my training at all. She treated me as if I were a regular old fat lady coming to complain about being tired and feeling achy, and advised me to exercise four times a week.
I'm sort of beside myself about this. By the end of the appointment I was battling with myself about whether or not it was going to be productive to tell her that she wasn't listening to me. In the end, I just decided to pay my co-pay and leave. I'll get the ultrasound on my thyroid and if it is enlarged, I will ask for a referral to an endocrinologist. I am certainly not going to leave that doctor in charge of my general well-being. Although I don't have any reason to think that an endocrinologist is more likely to believe that I am a distance runner/walker.
So yesterday at my doctor's office, when I finished describing the difficulties I was having with my training, telling her that the half-marathon was this Sunday and I was kind of in a panic, she completely ignored that part of the discussion. She didn't give me any advice about whether or not it would be ok to try to complete the race. In fact, we didn't discuss my training at all. She treated me as if I were a regular old fat lady coming to complain about being tired and feeling achy, and advised me to exercise four times a week.
I'm sort of beside myself about this. By the end of the appointment I was battling with myself about whether or not it was going to be productive to tell her that she wasn't listening to me. In the end, I just decided to pay my co-pay and leave. I'll get the ultrasound on my thyroid and if it is enlarged, I will ask for a referral to an endocrinologist. I am certainly not going to leave that doctor in charge of my general well-being. Although I don't have any reason to think that an endocrinologist is more likely to believe that I am a distance runner/walker.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Wednesday Bitchery
I went to the doctor today for some pain I am having near my throat... not in my throat, but next to it. I am also tired beyond all reason, and fuzzy-headed, and just not functioning well. This has been going on for about a week. She looked up my chart because she doesn't know who I am (I don't see her very often, because I am healthy) and noticed that I have gained 15 pounds since I was last there. She felt my neck and then noticed the left side of my thyroid gland appears to be enlarged. So she ordered an ultrasound of my thyroid. I told her that the last time I had been in was last May because my parotid gland was infected after my first half-marathon. I told her I had been training for the PF Chang's this weekend, and that I hadn't run in a week and a half because I am too tired to get myself out there. I told her I had reached the 8-mile point in my training, at which point she said I might be overdoing it. She then proceeded to give me the following suggestions:
1. Exercise 4 times a week
2. Read and follow the diet tips she wrote herself (she used to be a size 12, holy cellulite, batman!)
3. Keep a food diary and bring it to my next visit
4. Talk to my shrink about increasing my dose of anti-depressant
5. See a personal trainer and/or start strength training in addition to cardio
Who the hell is the lunatic here? I went in there for pain next to my throat... I complained that I haven't been able to train for my HALF MARATHON in a week and a half because of the headaches and general malaise... we went over the fact that this would be my SECOND HALF MARATHON... so she notices my thyroid is swollen and then talks about my FOOD? And suggests I exercise 4 days a week for 30 minutes, when I just got done telling her I couldn't TRAIN?
Whatever.
1. Exercise 4 times a week
2. Read and follow the diet tips she wrote herself (she used to be a size 12, holy cellulite, batman!)
3. Keep a food diary and bring it to my next visit
4. Talk to my shrink about increasing my dose of anti-depressant
5. See a personal trainer and/or start strength training in addition to cardio
Who the hell is the lunatic here? I went in there for pain next to my throat... I complained that I haven't been able to train for my HALF MARATHON in a week and a half because of the headaches and general malaise... we went over the fact that this would be my SECOND HALF MARATHON... so she notices my thyroid is swollen and then talks about my FOOD? And suggests I exercise 4 days a week for 30 minutes, when I just got done telling her I couldn't TRAIN?
Whatever.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
The Pressure!!!
Yesterday I returned to somewhat of a hurricane at work. Three teachers are "no longer with us" - 2 of whom I knew weren't coming back, but another that was a complete surprise. The long-term sub across the hall from me, who was the 4th teacher to attempt to teach 7th and 8th grade science in that room, has been told that she is no longer needed. Then, one of the 6th grade math/science teachers moved in to that room?! In the middle of the school day?! The kids didn't do a lick of anything in that classroom. They just watched the sub reading a book and the 6th grade teacher moving in. The principal came into my room once, and then one of the assistant principals came in twice. The AP asked me why my boards weren't done (we have a host of things we are required to write on the board every day) and I said it was because I was going over test scores. Then she asked for my lesson plans and I told her I hadn't printed them out. (Really, I just hadn't done them.) So she asked what time I wanted her to come back! And what she meant was, GET IT DONE. NOW. So I got it done and she came back and I think everything is OK.
It was a shame because I was calling students up one at a time and talking about their test scores with them. I was showing them how they did on the second benchmark compared to the first, and then telling them exactly how far away they were from moving up to the next level. The kids were very responsive and many of them had a lot to be proud of. The thing that bothers me is that this wasn't something the administration could get behind. They don't care what is actually happening in my classroom... they just want the boards filled out and the lesson plans in the pocket where they are expected to be.
It's horribly disconcerting when teachers just appear and disappear like that. Especially when one is on a temporary contract. The hurricane stems from the fact that we have a "solutions team" coming this week. This is a group of people selected by the state to come in and see what our school is doing in order to make adequate yearly progress on our AIMS so we aren't a failing school anymore. Apparently things will be happening rather quickly following the "solution team's" solutions. Decisions will be made about who is staying and who is leaving, even amongst the administration.
So I'm feeling a little bit stressed... but I am just going to keep my head down and do what I do best, which is teach. We're doing some really fun stuff in 8th grade right now.
It was a shame because I was calling students up one at a time and talking about their test scores with them. I was showing them how they did on the second benchmark compared to the first, and then telling them exactly how far away they were from moving up to the next level. The kids were very responsive and many of them had a lot to be proud of. The thing that bothers me is that this wasn't something the administration could get behind. They don't care what is actually happening in my classroom... they just want the boards filled out and the lesson plans in the pocket where they are expected to be.
It's horribly disconcerting when teachers just appear and disappear like that. Especially when one is on a temporary contract. The hurricane stems from the fact that we have a "solutions team" coming this week. This is a group of people selected by the state to come in and see what our school is doing in order to make adequate yearly progress on our AIMS so we aren't a failing school anymore. Apparently things will be happening rather quickly following the "solution team's" solutions. Decisions will be made about who is staying and who is leaving, even amongst the administration.
So I'm feeling a little bit stressed... but I am just going to keep my head down and do what I do best, which is teach. We're doing some really fun stuff in 8th grade right now.
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