Today will be crazy!

All the 8th graders are going on a field trip today, so I'm spending all day with the 7th graders. They get their yearbooks today as well, which adds to the fun. I remember yearbook day when I was in school. It was hard to think about anything else. I think I'll give them time at the beginning of each period to look at them and sign them. I guess I am supposed to teach today, but I just don't see a whole lot getting done! Maybe we'll just play games.

I had a dream...

Last night I had a dream about my principal. In my dream, she called me into her office. She looked very serious. She said, "I know that you are planning on going out tonight and getting completely wasted." I said, "No, I don't have any plans like that..." She said, "I know that you are stressed and you want to blow off some steam." She was talking like she was angry about it though. And I said, "Well, let's say I am planning on tying one on. What are you worried about? That I won't come to work tomorrow?" She said, "Well..." and I said, "I am coming to work tomorrow, and the next day and the next, until the school year is over." The whole thing was so weird. Then I woke up.

I don't have anything interesting to say.

But I still feel like I need to blog. So be warned, if anyone even reads this thing: everything you are about to read is very uninteresting!
Six more days with the students left to go. They are becoming so difficult to deal with. Hyper and out of control... ugh! It takes a supreme act of patience to get through each period. Sometimes when I get really upset and I have to work extra hard not to lose my temper and just start screaming at them, it feels like my heart is palpitating or skipping beats or something. It's scary.
I have this elective class where I am teaching them how to solve linear equations using the graphing calculator. They have learned a ton, and the class always goes by fast, but they are still in shock every single day when they have an assignment to do. They think since it's an elective, they shouldn't have to actually do anything. So every day is a huge struggle. Well yesterday they wouldn't even line up right. I made them line up three times. They just didn't give a crap. So I said, "Give me a thumbs up when you are ready to come in quietly. If you want to act like 3rd graders, then that is how you'll be treated." I pointed at the first student and he gave me a thumbs down. I said, "Go to the office." I pointed at the next one, and he pointed his thumb to the side. I said, "Go to the office." The third student did the same thing. Well I can't very well send all of them to the office, and they know it. So I called the other two back, and we went inside. They thought they won... until I passed out the decimal worksheets. They sat and did worksheet after worksheet for 40 minutes. No talking, no calculator, no way to make the time go faster. The little shits. So I hope today goes better.
The 8th graders, on the other hand, even though their behavior leaves much to be desired - are factoring quadratic equations using an area model and a graphical representation. These are skills most college algebra students don't have. So I am really proud of them, because they learned it.

7 days

7 days left after today. I'm getting through the school day hour by hour at this point! The kids are completely off the wall. One good thing about the school I am going to next, there is no summer break! There is no break, period!

19 days

I am finding it easier to ignore my asshat principal. I'm not hiding in my room anymore or keeping a low profile. If she wants to come after me, then by all means! I wish I could just tell her. Give me what you got. You'll come out on the wrong end of that tangle, I can promise you that. I've definitely come up against worse than a passive- agressive, cowardly superbitch. I've got math teaching to do, so get out of my way.
Speaking of math teaching, I am pushing my students so hard it's not even funny. It is one good way of keeping them from noticing there are only 18 days of school left. I'm treating the 8th graders like high school algebra students, and the 7th graders like 8th graders. The only thing I am not doing is piling on the homework. I keep giving them problems that are just above their current level of math, and then putting them in groups and making them struggle through it. I'm not helping them. They are exhausted by the time they leave. And sometimes pissed at me. That's ok... they are learning. Not just math, but learning how to problem solve and get by on their own. I only step in when I see a group getting ready to come to blows. They are doing great! I'm so proud of them.

Can I call it a harvest?

I got all these tomatoes from my plant today! It's almost enough for a salad!!

21 more days

That's all I have to do... just 21 more days. It is increasingly stressful at work. I called my principal on Sunday with a nasty cold, to let her know I wouldn't be in on Monday. She didn't get me a sub, so the rest of my team had to cover my classes. She had her secretary call me Monday morning to check and see if I was really sick. Then when I got mad, she said I misunderstood the phone call. Yesterday after one of my classes I was answering questions about the homework right after the dismissal bell, and I looked up to see her leaving my classroom. A few minutes later I got an email saying I needed to be at my door between classes. She saw me talking to the students... what am I supposed to do, ignore them so I can stand in the doorway?? The only thing that makes me feel better is to keep packing up my room, so that on the last day I can leave faster than a speeding bullet. I'm not going to the stupid pot-luck, either.
In the meantime I just keep repeating that saying about people being about as happy as they make up their minds to be, and make my mind up to be happy.

It's almost official.

I got a call yesterday from the people at the state, offering me the job at the correctional school. The salary is higher than I expected and they are very eager to get me on board. They wanted me to give two weeks notice. I'm certain those positions are so difficult to fill that when they get somebody who is qualified, they want to get right on it. I am going to the school on May 7th to shadow the math teacher so I can see what my days will look like. Now I just have to get through the corrections officer academy.... ugh. They had better not make me run.

6 more weeks.

I am counting down the days until I am finished at my school. On Friday, there was an announcement after lunch telling all students of a certain teacher to report to the library instead of class. His nameplate was removed from the door almost immediately. The door was locked. His classroom is right next door to mine, so I went through the adjoining workroom and asked him what was going on. He was utterly bewildered, packing everything in boxes in a complete daze. He said he didn't know what happened - they just told him there had been some parent complaints and they did not want him to finish out the school year. He was to pack everything and go, right then.
Common sense tells me he must have done something really bad, but wouldn't he know why he was being asked to leave, if that was the case? For my own peace of mind, I need to know that he did something to justify the way he was treated. But nobody will say anything. It's like he didn't exist.
The culture of fear at this district is simply intolerable. I hope I am not next... but then again, if they fire me I won't have to count down any more days!

Thank Goddess, Marianne....

They finally came up with a notebook suitable for us.
...each page will be triple-perforated and seven-hole-punched, which Mead representative Kurt Fleming said is "essential for the 21st-century graduate student." The notebook will also have more spirals. Asked to explain why this particular change was made, Fleming responded, "This notebook was designed with graduate students in mind."

OMG, AIMS

My students were laughing at me today because I was mocking their text language. I said something like, "OMG, NYD!" (oh my god, no you didn't) and they were shocked! Then they started laughing and asking if I knew what this meant and what that meant, and they wondered how I knew about all of this?
So, being the wet blanket I am, I brought the whole thing to a screeching halt by saying, "OMG, AIMS 2mro!! Let's get back to work."
BWAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!

Oh, Yeah!!!

Another reason to love being single!

AIMS Stress

I am handling it better this year, because I knew it was coming. Still, I am stressed about the testing next week. I continue to be more stressed by the administration than the actual testing. We've had two meetings so far and have signed two documents saying we will follow instructions, we won't look at the test, won't help the kids, etc. One of the documents says that if I do any of these things, I will lose my teaching license. So yeah, I really hate this time of year. I will be glad when it's over.
On a happier note, the state called yesterday and said that I passed the impact test and we are moving along towards a job offer teaching math to the juvenile delinquents. I have to fill out this ten page background check, which is mostly blank. I looked at it last night when I was nearly finished filling it out, and thought, man! On paper, I am REALLY boring. Even the part where you say how often you drink alcohol, I realized it's maybe once a month nowadays. What the hell? I'm old and boring! And I am going to teach would-be criminals!

Last day of March

Time marches on. This is the last week of school before students take their AIMS test. This year, I have come to a realization about the stress I normally feel about this time. I thought I was originating the stress - I was worrying about how the kids would perform, and stressing myself out. This year, however, my 3rd year around this block, I am not worried. I've been preparing all year, and the kids are ready. Since I am not worried, I am able to notice what is happening around me. The administration is worried. I wish I hadn't noticed it, because it's really irritating me. Whatever problems our school has that might affect the kids' scores cannot be solved in the final two weeks before the test. So why all of a sudden are we talking about NOT REVIEWING for the AIMS? Seriously, we have had two meetings, where they told us we are NOT REVIEWING for the AIMS. And we've been given lots of tips about what to do while we are NOT REVIEWING. And how to NOT REVIEW for the AIMS effectively. Lots of interactive ideas about how to NOT REVIEW.
We've also been told and emailed ad nauseum about how important the kids' scores are. Like we didn't already know? People, if I wasn't preparing for this all year, there is no way I would be ready if I started preparing now! They are telling us how to make our room a great testing environment. They are having a door decorating contest, where the kids are supposed to decorate the inside of the classroom door with encouraging sayings and mood lifters. Do they think the kids aren't on to them?
Anyway, the good part is that I wasn't doing this to myself the last 2 years. I had a LOT of help from the people who are NOT HELPING ME PREPARE.

Juvy

I spent Friday at the Juvenile Correctional Facility where I am applying for a job. The situation was disorganized and kind of hectic, but it was a really good window into what the job will be like. The kids looked like kids. They didn't seem unhappy. The teachers looked like teachers. They didn't seem unhappy either. The staff was friendly, both with me and with each other. I got to see the chow hall (ew) and the chapel, which as far as I can see is used for everything except a chapel. I am going back to observe the math teacher for a couple of days, so I can see what a typical day looks like. Barring disaster, I will probably start this job sometime over the summer. The pay is great, there is student loan payoff, a bilingual stipend I might qualify for, and hopefully I can keep my master's program. So, for the time being, I am not worried about next year.

It's time, Hillary.

Time to drop out of the race. We knew this day was coming. I know that you have been working for this your whole life, and I know your heart is broken. It will mend. You have to put the welfare of the party above your personal goals. It's hard, I know. I am crying right alongside you. I hope that before I die, there will be a woman President. But I know that person is not you. I think you know it too. I'm sorry, I truly am. I wish things were different.

Did John McCain swallow George Bush?

Because he's starting to sound exactly like our rose-colored-glasses-wearing, floating down de-nial river, head-in-the-sand president. This is what he had to say today:
McCain says US succeeding in Iraq
Really? Four more years of this??? Really???

This is winning?

As of today, 4,000 young men and women have died in the "War on Terror." I find it appalling that according to President Bush and John McCain, we are winning. The troop surge was successful. Why do they say that? Because we've only lost 4,000 troops when the number could be much higher? Five years we have been over there, trying to force our ideas of what is right onto a people that neither want nor need it. Liberators, that's what we'll be, they said when we went in. When the people failed to be liberated and instead began aiming their weapons at our troops, they said we just need more troops! Now the death rate has gone down somewhat and for some reason the mainstream media has stopped reporting how many troops are dying, until we hit 4,000 and all of a sudden it's a story again. This is winning? What if it turns out we won... what did we win? The hatred and fear of other countries. A death toll of 4,000 and counting. The liberation of billions of dollars that could have been put to use right here, where our economy has gone to the toilet. Oh, and let's not forget that we bought into the biggest bluff in the history of mankind, and swooped in to stop nuclear weapons making in a country where the technology and materials were nonexistent, based on a big fat lie that our President couldn't help but believe. Yeah, we definitely won that poker game. What exactly are we winning, Mr. Bush? Mr. McCain? Because nothing that has happened so far has made this country any safer. The guy who masterminds the actual terror plots is still out there, masterminding. We've already lost.

News in Tucson

The news situation in Tucson has always been bad. When I moved here I noticed that the local stations deliberately avoided reporting on anything happening in Phoenix. It is as if they feel acknowledging the existence of the capital city might interfere with Tucson's identity as the Alternative Capital City. The newscasters here speak in barely functional language, stumble over the most basic of sentences, and cannot seem to figure out where the emphasis should be. It's a good thing they don't report on foreign affairs either, because I can't imagine how they might disgrace themselves with names like Sarkozy and Ma Ying-jeou. As long as I have been watching and reading the news here, the policy when deciding what to report on is clearly, "If it doesn't happen in Tucson, then it doesn't happen."
So I depend largely on the internet for my news, since I don't have cable. This morning, while browsing the headlines, I noticed under the Local News section of my Google News page that the Tucson Citizen has this headline today:

Services open, closed Easter and Monday

What the hell?? It doesn't even make sense. Another case in point: Obama's speech on Tuesday is given exactly one mention, and it comes after an announcement about the new no-kill dog and cat shelter and a fascinating read about a job fair for veterans. It gets better - this is the first line of the article:

"The brother can turn a phrase." That was congressman Raúl Grijalva's review of Barack Obama's speech on race that had the nation talking this week.

Oh, my GOD. The embarrassment. Does Raul think that since he is Hispanic, he can refer to Barak as a "brother" because Barak is black? Raul Grijalva, si se puede make an ass of yourself. Do us all a favor and remember this: Better to be silent and thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

There are a lot of things I love about Tucson, but sometimes I wonder if it is worth being associated with the news organizations here.

Bill Richardson

Governor Richardson announced his support for Senator Barack Obama today. His endorsement could not have come at a better time. The press reports that Gov. Richardson made his decision after being moved by Sen. Obama's recent speech on race relations in our country.
I emailed Gov. Richardson to thank him, and I urge you to do so as well.

stupid CNN

Stupid CNN finally added Barack Obama to their "Hot Topics" category. I wonder if they are going to turn.

Hot Topics » Election Center 2008 • The Political Ticker • Barack Obama • Hillary Clinton • John McCain • more topics »

Proof match.com is no good for me

Online Dating Helping Pathetic Women Get Their Hopes Crushed More Efficiently

I didn't know birds ate those...

HOUSTON—According to an official NASA report released Saturday, nearly 32 percent of all prayers exiting Earth are deflected off satellites orbiting the planet—ultimately preventing the discharged requests for divine intervention from ever making it to the Gates of Heaven. "After impact with the satellite, these diverted prayers typically plummet back into the atmosphere, where they either burn up or eventually land, unanswered, in a body of water," the report read in part. "Of the remaining prayers, research confirms 64 percent fail to make it past the stratosphere because they aren't prayed hard enough, 94 percent of those with enough momentum are swallowed by a supermassive black hole at the center of the Milky Way galaxy, and 43 percent are eaten by birds." The report concluded that, of the 170 billion prayers issued last month, one made it to God, whose reply was intercepted by a hurricane and incorrectly delivered to a Nigerian man who reportedly did not know what to do with his brand-new Bowflex machine.

I'm not a prosophobe, MOM

And I can prove it. A prosophobe (or whatever you called me) would wait until the last possible moment to go to disgusting Wal-Mart and buy the digital signal converters. Then, even if the prosophobe bought the digital converters, there's no way she would hook them up until the last possible moment. I still have until February of next year, and yet here I am with digital television signals. So there! Hmmph.
Nevermind the fact that I was so grouchy about buying the damn things I almost bit the Wal-Mart guy's head off. I was very hostile.
Also, nevermind that I am still livid about being forced to have digital TV even though I am perfectly happy with my analog signal! But it's not about being afraid of progress. It's about being forced to pay for something that should be free. The reason we have to watch all those damn television commercials is because the companies who buy that airtime are paying for me to have the signal, in return for my watching their ad. People who buy cable are being shafted. Are there less commercials on those networks? I think not! If anything there are more! So the networks are making money hand over fist from the advertisers, and you're paying them for the privilege of watching their commercials! Why don't I pay someone good money to sit next to me and beat me over the head with a stick? Because that's what it amounts to, in my book.
That said, the digital signal is nice. It's clear and clean, and I have 17 channels now instead of 7. (Ok, so half of them are Spanish.) The converter boxes were $50. With the $40 coupons from the government, I had to pay a total of $20 for the two boxes. It's a one-time expense that should not have bothered me, but it did because that was Wal-Mart's profit. Ew.
What really makes me mad is that there are millions of people who were perfectly happy with their analog signals, and five channels, who will go ahead and buy cable because it's easier than getting the coupons, buying the converter boxes, and setting them up. Not to mention the pressure of society saying, "You're afraid of progress! That's why you don't want to pony up for a service you don't want!" There are millions, literally, of senior citizens and otherwise homebound people who will still be shocked and dismayed next February when their TV doesn't work anymore. So ok, that's progress, yahoo. And I'm not even going to START on what it means for society at large when not receiving television signals is tantamount to Chinese water torture.
If you had asked me a few years ago, I never would have thought that I would have to be dragged by the hair, kicking and screaming, into the digital age.

And so it begins.

For the last 2 nights in a row, I have had teaching dreams. The kind I usually have right before the new school year begins. I've got all these kids everywhere, and they are roaming around and being naughty, and I can't get them to listen to me. As soon as I get a group of kids seated and settled in one area of the room, the other areas erupt in naughtiness (the room is always the size of a damn airplane hangar). Invariably the principal walks in and sees the chaos, and then I wake up. I guess I am having the dreams now because I am not sure where I will be at the beginning of next school year.
Maybe I will end up at Raytheon, making missiles, and then I can dream about mass destruction instead of teaching. Or teaching at Juvy - I bet those dreams would be interesting!

More Fun with Craig's List

I read the personals on Craig's List - for entertainment value only! Today there were some real beauts! So I decided I should share:

I had a girlfriend in NC and she had a bad heart and her health insurance would not cover the operation she need. Well not all of it and she could not get the Dotor she need to do her heart operation. Well we made qa deal and we married so she could use my insurance and now she well we filed the LEGALLY separation and she has her life and I have my. Divorce will be finally in 11 months and until then she uses my insurance. So that last should be 4th marriage but it was a contract and I can send it to you if want to see it.

I sincerely have a preference for women with small tiny breast (AA or A), but have BIG IDEAS & SINCERE INTENTIONS.

I am kind and considerate and thoughtful and a gentle man that still opens the car door for someone or puts down the foot pegs for her to jump on the back of the bike. I like times at the river or a lake I love riding through the country side looking at are wonderful world of nature.

I'm for real, kind, considerate, sensual and caring. But I don't want to fall-in-love, or deal with the drama of dating. I want to be your go-to guy. Obviously I'm not going to lay out a picture of myself for the world to see. I'm professional and have some scrupals.

I saved the best for last...


I’m seeking an intelligent SWF, late 20s- to late 40s, one whose sweet and good-hearted and fun to talk to, but who sometimes needs a reminder of how reasonable young ladies are supposed to behave. Be assured, whether it’s delivered on the spot, or whether you’re sent to your room with a smack on the bottom and made to wait for me to “deal with you,” your fate will be sealed.

I'm going to juvy.

I hope. I am applying for a job teaching in a secure school - that's the fancy term they use these days for juvy! It pays a LOT more money. Plus, there are probably not a lot of parents I will have to deal with! Ha! They might even be motivated to stay in the classroom, if the alternative is their cell.
So, I'm applying. The job doesn't close until June 30 so there's plenty of time to wait. *sigh*

Wednesday Bitchery

Today's late bitchery is about parents who believe everything their kid says, even when it doesn't make sense. Parents, listen up. Your kid will lie to get out of trouble. If you have to believe either your kid or the adult that spends more time each day with them than you do, PICK THE ADULT. Here's an example of what I am talking about. I give a homework assignment. Your kid doesn't do it. When I ask why, he says it's because he didn't feel like it. A few days or possibly weeks later, you check your kid's grades online and notice the zero grade. You ask your kid what assignment it was and why it's missing. Kid tells you he has no idea, he turned it in, Ms P. must have lost it, etc. etc. ad nauseum. You believe your kid, and call the principal demanding to know why this clearly incompetent boob is pretending to teach your kid math! Principal calls a meeting! Everyone is angry, but most of all the incompetent boob! I hate you all.

Too good to be true!!

Please, please, forces of the universe! Let it be true!!

I hit the wall

... with the soup. I can't eat any more soup for a while. Today was supposed to be the last day anyway. If I am not purified by now, it's not happening. I finally stopped having to pee every hour on the 5th day, so maybe that is a sign. I'm just going to avoid sugar and flour, and other than that eat what I want. If I could get some exercise back into my day that would be great. Don't know when I will be ready to do that. Maybe never.
I'm becoming resigned to my life as a spinster. One really great thing about that is I can do what I want, when I want, and not have to worry about taking anyone else into consideration. So, I guess after I get my finances straightened out, which will be after I find a higher paying job, then I should start doing some things I want to do. Like see the Louvre, and Mount Rushmore. There is no shame in going those places by myself.

Day 5

Yesterday went really well. No cravings, no hunger, no feeling deprived. I think I am probably not losing weight because I'm not suffering... but I don't know because I don't have a scale. Maybe if I try on some clothes to see if they are looser.
Today I am supposed to eat beef. If I stay on this diet, I think I'll start referring to the days of the week by what I'm eating, like those Subway commercials. "I still need to do homework. It's due on beef and tomatoes!" or, "I can't have dinner with you on brown rice. I want to stay home and watch the political coverage."
HAHAHA!! I crack myself up.
Anyway I had another baby dream night before last. I've had them about once a month, ever since my surgery. It's never the same dream, but in the dreams I have somehow or another acquired an infant and I'm just holding it and hugging it and loving it. Another common theme is that the baby always cries at some point, and it doesn't stress me out at all. In real life, babies crying tend to stress me out. So the reaction in this dream is unusual. I just comfort the baby, and it stops crying. Inevitably, the day following the dream I am very, very sad and I think about the dream often. I think there must be something really interesting going on in my psyche!

Day 3

My BFF wanted me to do this purification eating plan with her. Lord knows I got nothing but fat to lose, so I said OK. Today is day 3, so I'm eating soup, veggies, and fruit. The strange thing is, I have been able to stay on it so far and it hasn't been miserable. I'm not going to bed hungry, I'm not fighting horrid cravings, and I had a slight headache the first day that went away and never came back. I was extremely exhausted the last 2 days, but today I woke up and bounced out of bed. That hasn't happened in quite a while... not since I was eating well, I guess.
Today is Friday so we'll see how the weekend goes.

LOL!

This campaign for the democratic nominee is more fun than I have ever had with politics. It is endlessly entertaining! The press is often the funniest part! Like this example from the NYT:
The higher the turnout in a district, the more delegates it has to offer, meaning that urban areas like Austin — where Mr. Obama has been received in recent days with the kind of fervor usually accorded only Willie Nelson — will award a large number.
Comparing the popularity of Barak Obama to that of Willie Nelson! LOL!!!! Now where, and when, I ask you, would you come across something like that?

My BFF

My BFF and her daughter are coming today from Pinetop. I'm so excited! We are going to Kartchner Caverns, and then visiting the Mission del San Xavier, and then going to Tubac because I heard there is some really cool stuff there. She has to leave Sunday morning, boo.

Why the favoritism?

I don't like CNN very much. And I don't understand why the media is not expected to be unbiased anymore. I thought that the foundation of good reporting was objectivity. Hillary Clinton spoke first in the debate last night, and she also spoke last. Not fair. On CNN's election center website, near the top of the page, it says:
"Hot Topics » Election Center 2008 • The Political Ticker • Hillary Clinton • John McCain • more topics »"
Definitely not fair and not objective. They are clearly biased toward Clinton. What is the reason for this?

It's official.

I have officially caved in and entered the technology age. I have high-speed, wireless internet. Here's the kicker - it's cheaper than the land line and dial-up ISP I was using! So, now I guess I can start posting on my blog again. About a month ago, my desktop computer got infected with a virus. I couldn't download an anti-virus program to combat it because the dial-up server kept disconnecting before the download finished. It was a mess. I worked on it and worked on it but I could not fix it. So I wiped the hard drive and now it's in the garage, waiting to be donated. Then I realized I could get high-speed internet cheaper. The guy from Cox came and hooked it up today. Woohoo!
But, I am not getting cable. So don't even ask.

Friday Gratitude

I am grateful for finding yoga classes. I can't go very often once work starts again but wow, they are great! It doesn't feel like I am doing much of anything and yet I break a sweat, and my muscles are sore from head to toe so I must be doing something right. When I leave I feel so calm and peacful, it is incredible. So thank you Universe for sending those.

Wednesday Bitchery

You know what I hate? I hate when skinny people try to talk to me about my weight. I suppose said skinny people are trying to "help" me because they "love" me. Know what else I hate? I hate that my weight is such a public problem. I can't hide my food problem the way that people can hide their drinking or drug or other problems. My food problem is right out there for everyone to see. I can't even imagine what it must look like from the outside in. All I know is that sometime over the summer I completely lost it and started gaining weight, and that train is still speeding along. And I cannot stand it. It's hard enough to deal with it myself. To have people trying to talk to me about it just exacerbates the situation. Especially when the people who are trying to talk about it have never had a food problem. If they start to gain weight, they just eat less and exercise more. They don't understand why I don't just do that too. Well skinny people, if you ever figure out what it is in your brain or body that allows you to make that decision and then just do it, let me know. Otherwise please just leave me alone. I'm eating.

Is this considered stalking?

Breastalicious called me last night to wish me a happy birthday. I am disturbed by this on so many levels. We went on one date, back in April. Why does he still have my number? Furthermore how does he know when my birthday is? And why, 8 months after the fact, does he suddenly feel the need to apologize for making a bad impression? I am SERIOUSLY creeped out.

Friday Gratitude

I have been very busy preparing for the holiday. I have faced many stumbling blocks. Will my bananas ripen in time to make the bread? How much paprika should I put in the herb paste for the $120 rib roast? Will the farmer's market have garlic on Saturday or will I have to buy it at the store?
Last night on the news I saw a family in the middle east who has been displaced from their home because of sectarian violence. They have faced many stumbling blocks. Where will they go after the holiday? The landlord is kicking them out. Will the father be able to find a job? The mother has been killed. Will they be able to have dinner tonight? There is no money, and even if there was, there is no food to buy.
The father had just gone grocery shopping and he spread out what he was able to buy so that the camera could get a good shot. It was all cans. A can of peas, a can of some sort of meat. There were maybe 6 cans of food and who knows how long it will sustain the family.
I am profoundly grateful for where I live and who I am. I am grateful for my conscience, which is demanding that I spend more of my time and resources helping those less fortunate. I am grateful that I have my family and the biggest of my worries as far as they are concerned, is who will be the first to cry on Christmas. I am grateful for the opportunity to redefine "stumbling blocks" and realize that what I have are inconveniences at best. I am even grateful for the media, without whom I would not be able to have this attack of conscience. I pray that the universe will help that family and all the other ones who are struggling. Please, help them find some peace.

Wednesday Bitchery

This Wednesday's Bitchery is about itchy sweaters. Let's recap where we are as a society. We have people living in outer space. We are finding possibly habitable rocky planets around other suns. The FDA is considering whether it should warn people when they are buying cloned meat for their dinner table. And we can't figure out a material to make sweaters with that doesn't ITCH??? I mean, people. Seriously. Something must be done. Preferably by next Christmas since that's the only time I wear sweaters.

Friday Gratitude

I am grateful for several things! First, I got an A in that master's class. Whew! Glad that's over with. Secondly, I am going to see the Indigo Girls on Monday night courtesy of my favorite brother-in-law! Ok, he's my only brother-in-law, but still. What a nice thing to do! Third, I got the day after the concert off work. YES! An extra day to myself to get ready for the holiday. Fourth, and here's something the universe sent me and it is profound. You know those riding chairs they sell to old people? Kind of like wheelchairs but they are electric, to increase mobility? On my way to the craft store this past week, driving along a very busy road, I saw an old man who had tipped his little scooter over in the crosswalk, and he was trapped inside the chair part, struggling furiously. He must have been terrified... there were cars whizzing by and even though he was in the crosswalk, he couldn't get up. So I put the hazard lights on immediately and pulled to the shoulder to help him. I went over and made a joke about taking the corner too fast, and smiled at him, and he grabbed my hand. I put my arm around his waist and pulled him up. At that moment I had a flash of memory of helping my grandmother up. And I was grateful for my grandmother, I think for the first time in my life, because I knew exactly what to do for this little old man. I got him settled back in his chair and he went on his merry way, and I could see why he tipped over because he was the Mario Andretti of the old people scooters. I am humbled by the wisdom of the universe and thankful to finally have a good feeling associated with my grandmother. It's about freaking time.

I have a Thursday Divinity!

I went to a cookie exchange. What is more divine than this? Nothing, I tell you!

Wednesday Bitchery

Today I am bitching about Secret Santa. Every year I think, "How fun! I'll sign up." Then, I proceed to do all kinds of fun things for the person I drew, while the person who drew me does NOTHING. Then, I think, "They'll make up for it on the last day with something really great." Then I get "The Chipmunks Sing Christmas" or something lame like that. Why? Why? Why???

Quote for the Week

"This is the Nixon administration without the competence." - Joe Biden

Go Joe! If you had a vagina, I would totally change my vote.

Want to see how I'm spending my weekend?

I am writing my stupid, boring twelve- to fourteen-page paper that all sounds a lot like this:

Geometry is that part of mathematics dealing with size and relative positions of shapes and the space they occupy. The use of language is important to geometry because it requires descriptions of the objects being studied in very specific terms. Geometric language is rife with polysemy. For example, consider the 8th grade geometry standard, “Identify the planar geometric figure that is the result of a given rigid transformation” (Arizona Department of Education). This standard is not written in student-friendly language, but the language used gives some insight into the vocabulary necessary to master the standard. The everyday language definition of the word “transformation” is generally used to describe an object that changes into something else. The technical definition as it applies to geometry is very different. In the case of the standard mentioned previously, the object retains its original size and shape, but moves to a different location by way of a set of specific steps. The word “rigid” usually implies a lack of movement. In this case, it identifies a specific type of movement on the coordinate plane. Geometry includes conjectures, theorems, and proofs that are constructed of the language of geometry in the technical math register. Learning at this stage requires a knowledge and understanding of an entirely new vocabulary, plus the technical meanings of words that may already be familiar to the student, but take on an entirely new meaning in the context of geometry.

Now, don't you feel glad you have your life and not mine?

Kangaroos can save the world!

Well, more specifically, kangaroo farts can save the world.

Ok, seriously?

I do not want to go to work. I'm not even sure I want to be a teacher anymore. Yesterday ended with a kid saying "fuck you" on his way out the door. In front of the rest of the kids. I am so embarrassed, and that pisses me off. Why should I be embarrassed for HIS bad behavior? I can't figure out what is happening with my emotions. All I know is I am really reacting badly to this

Wednesday Bitchery!

Today's bitchery is about standardized testing, as I am prone to complain about it at the end of every quarter. Specifically, my district's testing. Specifically, the 7th grade test for 2nd quarter. The tests always contain multiple mistakes. For example, the 7th grade test I am administering has one question that lists the same answer choice for A and B. That same test has pattern questions, and one is to find the next two terms of the pattern. Later on in the test, another question lists the exact same pattern, including one of the missing terms, and asks the students to identify the pattern. Now, whether or not these kids will have their shit together enough to realize that the 2nd problem gives away the answer to the 1st is questionable. All it does is make the results of those 3 questions invalid. So I told the curriculum person at my school that those 3 items were invalid, and he didn't know what I meant. I had to explain to him that on those 3 items, we won't know whether the kids got it right because the test gives the answers away, or they got it right because they knew the content. I don't expect the average person to understand this... I do expect the curriculum specialist to already know it. Why is it that he is in a position of authority and I know more about testing than he does??? The 8th grade test has five invalid items. It wouldn't be a big deal except that we send kids to summer school based on the results of this test. If there are 45 questions, and 5 of them are bad, then statistically our error margin for sending kids to reteach is 10%. Kind of high, especially if it were my kid. I probably shouldn't even be talking about it, because I really don't want the parents to find out. But my GODDESS, if this isn't worthy of a bitchery, then I don't know what is.

I cried at work.

This last quarter I had a math reteach class. All the kids from the other team who failed their first math benchmark came to me every day for 40 minutes to relearn the math. Then they retook the benchmark test. Some of them made great strides and did really well. That's not why I cried. A few of them actually did worse. That's why I cried. How can you come to me for 40 minutes every day and then take a test, and do worse than you did the first time around? HOW?? Either they are sadistic little shits and just made pretty pictures while filling in the bubbles, or they seriously did not learn a single thing, and not only that but they UN-learned what they knew when they came in. All that planning, all that effort and energy expended on my part, and this is what I get back??!! I just have to focus on the ones that did well. Focus. Focus.

Last day of school!

Tonight is my last U of A class for this semester. WOO HOO!!! Now, that doesn't mean I am done with the class. I still have to finish writing the gargantuan, stupefyingly boring paper and turn it in by December 14th. But no more Monday nights spent with the melange of idiocy that is my group. At least until January.

It's December!

Yay, it's December and I'm so happy about it! December means cold weather, a break from school, a break from teaching, tons of cooking, presents, my birthday, the list is endless! I am grateful for the wind and rain last night even though they kept waking me up. Now I don't have to water my outside plants this weekend. There might be snow on the mountains. I will look when I am on my way to the farmer's market. Monday is my last day of class at the university this semester. My group has a 30-minute presentation to get through. We got together Wednesday to rehearse, and the professor was with us and made suggestions. There is one member of the group who has no independent thought and she reads the slides, but what am I going to do? It's 25% of my grade but I am pretty sure that the professor isn't going to knock me for my group being stupid. I hope I hope I hope. I have to keep a 3.5 GPA in order to retain my fellowship, and this is my first class, so if I get a B I'm in trouble. It's kind of a lot of pressure. I just have to let go and do the best I can. My paper is due December 14th and if I do a really good job on it, then I probably don't have to worry about my grade.

What's your pirate name?

I'm Whisky Wendy the Hermit!!

Is it Christmas?

hee hee!!

FG

My Friday Gratitude was riding home last night with the windows down, smoking and listening to the Indigo Girls with my sister. It was totally awesome, dude.

The finished product

Here is Emily's gingerbread house:


And here is Jessica's:

Make the pie higher!

This is a poem composed of quotes by our fearless leader, George H.W. Bush.

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen
And uncertainty
And potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the internet
Become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish
Can coexist.

Families is where our nation finds hope
Where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!


Go ahead, look it up. It's true.

Gingerbread Village!

The houses are ready! Yay!!!!!

That is IT, Tim Russert!

I am not watching your show any more. I have changed the channel in the middle of your vainglorious braggery for the last time. It's the middle of November in one of the most interesting presidential campaign seasons in history, and you choose to spend HALF YOUR SHOW not moderating, but tooting your own bloated horn! You over-latted, bug-eyed, egotistical piece of poop! You have made me do something I really didn't want to do, and that is watch Fox News Sunday. Let me know if you ever decide to go back into politics instead of celebrity endorsements and self-important infomercials about your own show, you swaggering, narcissistic windbag! You, sir, are an IDIOT!

FG

I hear thunder in the distance! It's so exciting!
I'm really thankful for the three-day week, next week. I already have my planning done. Also, my kids want to help me bake the gingerbread houses. Yay!! The holidays are here!

I knew it!

Another reason to hate Starbucks.

List for next weekend

1. Make gingerbread houses for kids to decorate
2. Work on article synthesis for master's class
3. Clean filter for ac/heating unit
4. Clean living and dining rooms, along with rest of house which will again be dirty by the weekend (ok, why again am I doing that?)
5. Lesson plan so I don't have to spend the week frantically planning day by day like I will be doing this week
6. Go to farmer's market for sweet potatoes and green beans, to make yummy thanksgiving dishes (southern style green beans, y'all!)

So the holiday weekend was largely successful. The trees are trimmed, the brush and bulky trash a distant memory (although the sore muscles of the trimming ordeal linger)
and the kitchen light bulbs are changed. The grocery shopping is done and the meals planned although it remains to be seen whether they will actually be cooked. The laundry is at least clean, if not folded or put away.

List for tomorrow

1. Lesson plan for next week, including a formal lesson plan for observation by cognitive coach (asst principal is NEXT week, not this week)
2. Think about working on article synthesis paper for Master's class
3. Clean living and dining rooms
4. Grocery shop
5. Make gingerbread houses for nieces and nephews to decorate on turkey day
6. Clean filter in ac/heating unit
7. fold and put away laundry done last week and this week

You know how it is when you spend three hours doing something you are not used to doing, and then your muscles scream in pain for the next three days? Yeah, I think that's what is coming. I pruned the rosebushes and the two trees in the front yard, and I hurt all over! I cleaned the bathroom and kitchen, and did some laundry. Now I absolutely have to lesson plan tomorrow. You would think I might choose that rather than the pruning, but I didn't. What does that tell ya??

List

Well, yesterday I went to the farmer's market and made the soup. Then I got a haircut, which I needed but was not on my list. I picked up my prescription and threw away the magazines I was going to exchange. I planned dinners for next week and started a grocery list. Then I read magazines for the rest of the day. Somehow I managed to add some more things to the list while I was laying around reading. Paving my road with good intentions I guess. Anyway now I have two days and here is my revised list:

1. Lesson plan for next week including a formal lesson plan for observation by cognitive coach (asst principal is NEXT week, not this week)
2. Work on article synthesis paper for Master's class
3. Trim trees and bushes, and put trimmings out for brush and bulky trash pick up
4. Clean house, clean house, clean house!!!!
5. Grocery shop
6. Make gingerbread houses for nieces and nephews to decorate on turkey day
7. Replace flourescent light bulbs in kitchen (this is a must)
8. Clean filter in ac/heating unit
9. Get rid of tomato plant and re-pot basil
10. fold and put away laundry done last week, do laundry from this week

Holiday Weekend

I have three uninterrupted days of alone time! So naturally, I have made a list of things I would like to accomplish, and most of them won't get done. But here is the list anyway:
1. Go to farmer's market for produce
2. Make soup with said produce (already made the chicken stock, yay!)
3. Lesson plan for next week including two formal lesson plans, one for
observation by asst. principal and the other for observation by cognitive coach
4. Work on and possibly finish article synthesis paper for Master's class
5. Trim trees and bushes, and put trimmings out for brush and bulky trash pick up
6. Clean house
7. Go to Bookman's to exchange magazines for credit
8. Pick up prescription at the drugstore
9. Grocery shop and plan dinners for the week
10. Make gingerbread houses for nieces and nephews to decorate on turkey day
Ok, so we'll see how much I get done.

The Saddest Song in the World

Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah

i heard there was a secret chord
that david played and it pleased the lord
but you don't really care for music, do you
well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth
the minor fall and the major lift
the baffled king composing hallelujah

hallelujah...

well your faith was strong but you needed proof
you saw her bathing on the roof
her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
she tied you to her kitchen chair
she broke your throne and she cut your hair
and from your lips she drew the hallelujah

hallelujah...

baby i've been here before
i've seen this room and i've walked this floor
i used to live alone before i knew you
i've seen your flag on the marble arch
but love is not a victory march
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

hallelujah...

well there was a time when you let me know
what's really going on below
but now you never show that to me do you
but remember when i moved in you
and the holy dove was moving too
and every breath we drew was hallelujah

well, maybe there's a god above
but all i've ever learned from love
was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
it's not a cry that you hear at night
it's not somebody who's seen the light
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

hallelujah...

stupid parents

I have about 125 students. Yesterday I noticed that one of them turned in a worksheet packet that was completely blank. This packet had been three days worth of class work and homework, and the kid hadn't done a single problem. So I went through the stack of papers I had graded but not yet returned, and found two more things of his that were incomplete, and by incomplete I mean practically blank. The kid isn't doing jack. So I wrote an email to the parent yesterday, explaining the situation and asking her to talk to her son about this. I want to know what the problem is. Does he not understand the work or is he being lazy? So the kid tells the mom that he did the packet and turned it in, and he thinks he remembers getting two of the same thing and handing one of them in finished and the other one in blank. And the mother believes him. So she writes back asking me to look for the other packet. What am I, @D*%& stupid? I take the time out of my day to investigate this situation, look at the grade book to make sure there's no mistake, and write to the parent asking for help. And this is what I get back. So I wrote again saying I think the three of us need to meet and look at the work he has been turning in. JESUS CARTWHEELING CHRIST I hate this job sometimes.

Ask Tionna

Need a good laugh?
It's like Dear Abby on crack.

FG

I am grateful for November. November means cooler weather, possibly precipitation, and time with my family.

Silver lining...

One good thing about having the stomach flu is that your stomach shrinks, and then afterward you can eat just a little bit and be full. Is that an unhealthy thought?

icky, icky

Icky germs! Now 2 students in my district have had staph infections! Won't these teenagers just take a shower? WHY NOT?

Friday Gratitude

Today I am thankful because I am an American, and in particular, a Tucsonan. My country has its faults and Lord knows I can't stand our leader - but I have grown up in a country where there is plenty of everything to go around. People aren't killing each other over religious differences. We have freedom of speech, and a working democracy. The part of our country and my city I am most thankful for is the people. I am thinking about this because of the fires in California that have destroyed people's homes and places of employment. I can already see the reactions of the people in my city. Someone in my school district is organizing a drive to collect toiletries for those people. I saw on the local news that other organizations are rallying to support those who have lost everything. I suspect it will be like when Katrina hit and the people of New Orleans were devastated. When the rest of America realized what was happening, there was an outpouring of time, money, material things, and a willingness to help. When people are in trouble, there are a whole lot of Americans who ask what they can do to help. I think that is a really great thing. It makes me proud.

I didn't walk.

I haven't exercised since last Thursday. Not only that but I ate a Big Mac and fries for dinner. Then some ice cream. Ugh.

Friday Gratitude

I am borrowing from the idea of Thursday Divinity from my sister, but changing it just a bit. I'm working to have a positive outlook and a big part of that is being grateful for the things that happen in everyday life. And yesterday was a biggie!
I had one of my math classes in groups yesterday and I was walking around, monitoring their conversations. I had given them some quite difficult percentage problems to do and they were just getting started. I heard one of the girls kind of sigh, "Man, I love this class." Her friend replied, "Yeah, it's pretty much my favorite."
TALK ABOUT IT, SISTER! Two girls, and 8th grade math is their favorite class! I am so grateful for the path that led me here. I spent many years kind of wondering about the reasons for my existence, besides perpetuating the species. Now I have something that I love doing, and on top of that I am actually pretty good at it! I'm grateful for the support of my family because I would not have got through college otherwise. I am also grateful to them for listening to me bitch and moan my way through my degree. I am grateful for all the perceived hardships along the way, because in hindsight, they gave me all the experiences I needed in order to be successful as a teacher. I'm grateful for my kids, because they always believed I could do it. You know that commercial where the mom is studying and the little boy brings her a peanut butter sandwich? That's how my kids were. I'm grateful for the chance every day to go to work and change some teenagers' ideas about school and math.
So, there you have it! My first Friday Gratitude.

So tired.

It's the end of the third day back. I started eating right again and working out again on Monday. So I'm really tired.

Back to the old grind.

I didn't work at all over break. Not once, not even for a minute. It's like riding a bike... when we come back it's like I never left except I have my patience back and I don't feel like I am going to die from being so tired. The kids are never as happy to see me as I am to see them!

Who am I kidding?

OMG, too much to do. Panicking. Want to do everything, want to be Wonder Woman. Knowing I have too much to do, I choose to blog about it instead of getting busy. Not very wonder-woman-ish.

The Big Idea

It takes two hours to get the windshield replaced, so my big idea was to work on my paper during that two hours. Clever, right? Great use of time. Well, turns out it's only clever if I actually work on my paper instead of f*cking off on the internet, which is what I am presently doing. Cursed free wireless access nearly everywhere I go! But really, now I'm going to get busy. Really, now. Seriously. Right now. *sigh* dammit

Last Day of Vacation

This vacation I cleaned out the garage, had surgery, spent quality time with family, cleaned my room and rearranged furniture, painted the shelving unit that's been on the back porch for eons, sprayed for bugs, and attended a math teacher's conference. I've worked on my project for my Master's class. I'm about to go get the windshield on my car replaced. Oh, and I bought and used local produce. Yeah! But there is still so much left to do! I have to write a four page paper, do the reading assignment for Monday night's class, clean the house so my BFF who is coming tomorrow doesn't see it like this, take my daughter halfway to PHx to see her dad, and I guess that's it. Maybe not so much after all. Oh wait, I am going to try a new gym and a different workout that includes kickboxing moves, and also go to the farmer's market.
Also my mental health homework is to start keeping a diary of when I set boundaries in my every day life. If someone asks me to do something, and I can't do it, and I tell the person I can't do it, that's setting a boundary. If I need help and I ask for it, that's somehow connected to boundaries but I don't remember how. So I am supposed to keep track of that. Reading over this I guess I understand why I am feeling just a bit overwhelmed. Better get started.

Things I should do today

1. Try different sushi restaurant with sister
2. Choose 3 papers and write synthesis paper on the papers
3. Clean disgusting bathroom
4. Take daughter to pediatrician's office for shot
5. Write stupid, boring and mundane blog entry (done)

My Seinfeld thing

Why do I do it? I meet someone perfectly nice, and then I start picking them apart like a nice loaf of monkey bread. (Monkey bread... mmmmm) I guess I'm just not ready to date.

My achin' back

Marianne and I were talking about how we have lists of things we want to get done while we are not working. One of my things was the shelving unit I have had on the back porch for quite some time. I wanted to get it painted and then use it as an extra bookshelf and a couch table, to put behind the loveseat because it's just the right height. So, this morning I got the thing painted! Done! GOD my back hurts. Anyway, that's not the problem. The problem is that now it's done, and I put it behind the loveseat and put books on the shelves, and now I don't like how it looks! I am going to have to do some rearranging. And super duty heavy cleaning because my BFF from Pinetop is coming to visit on Saturday and I don't want her to see how I really live. Now I have to go find the heating pad.

Bastards!!

So last night I dragged my two kids and my sister to downtown Tucson. The goal was to go on a walking historic ghost tour through some downtown places that are supposed to be haunted. (BTW Marianne, Heart Five is on the list of stops. So you were right.) We got there super early and circled the block a few times looking for a Starbucks. When it was time, there were a total of 16 people waiting for the tour. Guess who never shows up? You got it, the tour guide. Unless the tour guide was netherworldly and none of us saw him/her/it. I was so disappointed. I got home and wrote an email to the place that is advertising the tour, and haven't heard back yet. Now I want to go for free, since they jerked me around. AND, I had BETTER see some ghosties.

I got it together

Yesterday I read papers, went to see a very funny movie with my sister and daughter, met with my team for my master's program, and then had a date! The date was even OK! Except the guy called an hour after the date. Bad sign. Clingy. Or, I guess I could look at it as a good sign. He's interested.

I can't seem to get it together

This is the middle of week two in my three week break from work. I try not to plan to do very much during the break, because I actually just need the time off! But I did plan to catch up on my reading for my master's class. So far I just have not done any of it. I'm putting together a puzzle, driving all over creation looking for new restaurants to try, watching court shows until my eyes bleed, and just generally being on vacation. But today I have a meeting with my team, and we are supposed to develop an interview, so I have work to do. Blah!

October 1st

Here is my newest work, titled "October 1st."

I'm really happy with it.

Teaching Gap

I am reading a really great book for one of my master's classes. It's called "The Teaching Gap" and it's about the latest TIMSS study, where 8th grade math classrooms in the US, Japan, and Germany were videotaped, analyzed, and compared. Part of the justification for the study is that teaching in the US is in need of an overhaul, but not everybody agrees on that. This book spends some time on the interesting concept that teaching is a cultural activity. There is a distinctly American pattern of teaching, just like there is a distinctly Japanese way and a German way. There are some similarities between the three, and some differences. The major difference between the US pattern and the Japanese pattern is that here in the US, the person in charge of doing the math is the teacher. In Japan, the teacher puts a problem up, reminds the students of how they solved a similar problem yesterday, and then lets them go. But back to the cultural thing... I don't think that as a nation we have addressed the fact that our schools were created to educate a specific population of white males. Teachers back then were white and female. Teachers now are still overwhelmingly white and female, and our methods have not changed much. The student base, however, is dramatically different. I agree with the authors in the end - a major overhaul is needed. I think I will start by allowing my students to struggle more - something that is suspiciously absent in the American pattern of teaching math.

They think I'm sane!!

One of my colleagues is having a very hard time at work. She came to me because I am the VP of our union local. She said that she had talked to another of our colleagues last night, and that person told her, "You need to call the sane person, and that's Melissa."
HA!! That just made me feel so good.

It's only life, after all

My new favorite song:
(And letter to my stronger self)

I'm trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
And the best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
Its only life after all
Yeah

Well darkness has a hunger thats insatiable
And lightness has a call thats hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it
I'm crawling on your shores

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
Theres more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitives
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

And I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a b-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind
Got my paper and I was free

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
There's more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitives
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
And I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as Id been the night before
And I went in seeking clarity.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
Yeah we go to the doctor, we go to the mountains
We look to the children, we drink from the fountains
Yeah we go to the bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout
Theres more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitives
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

(Indigo Girls)

Evolution of a Workout

Curves has produced motivational CDs for purchase by members. There is spunky music playing in the background, and every 30 seconds, a female voice says a positive affirmation. She says things like, "You are loyal!" and "You are healthy!" At the Curves where I work out, they play these every now and then instead of the regular voice that says, "Change stations now." So yesterday, I was on the arm-curl machine and there is no voice telling me to change stations. My arms are starting to lose feeling, and I said, "TINA!! (that's the gal who manages the place) There's something wrong, it's been more than 30 seconds."
So she goes over to the machine and says, "Ok, 5 more seconds." Then I hear, "You are motivated!"
Well, the whole place erupts in groans and complaints because everyone professes to hate this positive affirmation thing instead of the regular voice saying change stations. And truly, I was grumpy yesterday when I was working out. I had a monster headache all day, the freaking cyst behind my ear hurts, burns, and itches, and my administration PISSED ME OFF. The really funny part is how susceptible I am to that voice, and how my attitude had changed by the time I left. It sorta went like this:
"You are loyal!"
Fuck you. I hate you.
"You are wonderful!"
Wish I could say the same about you. Shut the hell up.
"You are positive!"
Positive I hate you. Jesus Chocolate Christ.
"You are strong!"
You're right, I am strong. I could probably beat the hell out of you.
"You are healthy!"
Well, true enough, this is a very healthy thing I am doing right now. Other than following each positive affirmation with a negative one.
"You are determined!"
Obviously, otherwise I wouldn't be here listening to YOU!
"You are wealthy!"
????
"You are beautiful!"
Well yes, I guess you could say that.
"You are loving!"
Most of the time, yes.
"You are loyal!"
True enough.
"You are wonderful!"
Thanks... so are you.
Then I left in a much, much better mood than I was in when I got there.

O M G

The phone call I had been dreading for months finally came. I talked to an investigator from California about the case against my mother's sister's husband (I would say uncle but I refuse to claim him, or my mom's sister for that matter) and found out that the records of my case in Tucson from 26 years ago are nowhere to be found. So I had to relive the whole thing - well, I didn't have to, but I did because otherwise the creep's granddaughters won't be safe from him. It will be a month or so before I find out if they are filing charges against him. I hope it goes to court because I'd really like to testify. I didn't get to do that when I was a kid because he took a plea, which he will probably do again if given the opportunity. I hope he goes to jail and becomes some bruno's girlfriend.
The first two weeks of school are done. Eight more to go until fall break. We have five new teachers on our staff, and two of them are close to quitting. I am surprised every day they show up for work. I feel so sorry for them, because I remember what that felt like, being new to my district and trying to do everything they want us to do, which isn't humanly possible by the way, and trying to decide what was urgent and what wasn't because it all seems urgent, so I would just dissolve in a puddle of tears, which is what these teachers are doing. So I keep dropping what I am doing to help them, which leaves me with a LOT to do over the weekend. So now I've really cooked my own goose because there aren't enough hours to do everything I have to do. Watch:
I have about 10 hours worth of homework for my online class. That's 2 weeks because I haven't done any homework since school started. This is a class that is required by the state of Arizona in order to keep my teaching certificate.
I have about 10 hours worth of lesson planning to do. I didn't get any done over the week, plus I have to plan Tuesday and Thursday for a sub, which takes longer.
I need about 3 hours to clean the house, and that's if my bratty daughters help me, which is a pretty big IF. I'm gonna have to take away their phones and stuff in order to convince them. Ugh.
I have about 2 hours worth of planning for the union meeting, for which I am the vice president, and it will take 2 hours because I've never done it before.
I've already committed to spending Sunday between 1:00 - 5:00 with the new teachers, helping them plan for the coming week.
Sleep is about 16 hours. Won't give any of that up.
The fam is coming Sunday for dinner, so Sunday night is shot.
I have about 2 hours worth of grading papers, which absolutely has to be done. No wiggle room there.
So that is 48 hours worth of stuff, and guess what, I just blew 1/2 hour writing on my blog so I am left with 47.5 hours to do all that. I better get going. And hope I don't have to poop any time in the next 2 days.

Day Three!

I am carpooling today with one of my coworkers. We are going to help each other leave at a reasonable hour. Also she is going to help me with my exercise program. She is a runner, and she changes before she leaves work to make sure she goes. How she goes in this heat, I will never understand. Anyhoo, I told her I am going to change too, and so now I have that accountability piece of sticking with my plan. Plus we're saving gas. So we'll see how that goes.
The students have been great so far. I can't believe how happy I was to see those 8th graders - the ones I taught last year. It's so wonderful to watch them adapt to being 8th graders! They already know my management style, so it has been a breeze working with them. Maybe it's all going to come crashing down, I don't know!

Which teachers are these??

Secondary school teachers are expected to increase in numbers by up to 17 percent by 2014. Salaries are rising as well; the American Federation of Teachers estimates the average salary of all public elementary and secondary school teachers in the 2003-2004 school year was $46,597.

Second Day

The first day went well! The 7th graders are scared to death, as usual. It's their first year of switching classes, and they were exhausted by the end of the day. Of course so were the 8th graders since they've been staying up all night during the summer break. Anyway it went well. Except when I went to lunch, I was taking my food out of the microwave and butterfingered it and it fell facedown on the floor. Luckily the plastic cover saved half of it. And then I dropped my nectarine and made marks all the way down my shirt. But other than that it was good! Here's hoping today is just as good! And that I get to eat my lunch and not wear it!

First Day of School!

Today's the day. I think I am ready. I put a big banner above one of the white boards that says, "If you don't have time to do it right, you must have time to do it over!" That's my favorite part of my classroom decorations. I got a good night's sleep, no bad dreams! And I am really excited about meeting all my new 7th graders.

The First Very Long Day

Today is the first Very Long Day of the school year - Open House. We have high parental involvement so a lot of them will probably be there. They vote for site council representative, find their kids' classrooms, and meet the teachers. It will be a 12-hour day but it's worth it. This way the first contact I have with all those parents will be positive. Then they will react better when I call them in a few weeks to tell them little Johnny is a shit.

I'd just like to point out...

There is a one page writeup in People magazine about whether or not Harry Potter will die in the seventh book. At the bottom of the page there are tips for parents to deal with their children's grief if it does happen. Now, I realize People isn't exactly serious literature. Still, I'm just sayin'... prepare.

Or maybe I'm just an idiot.

I am taking an online class right now so I can learn how to teach people who don't speak English, without speaking their language while I do it. The state is requiring every teacher to take this class, and it's free if I take it online. So last night I am trying to get through chapter 1 of the textbook, and I've been trying to get through it for days and it's just not going well. I keep drifting off, my eyes running over the words but my brain not reading them. I am thinking about everything I still have to do in my classroom before school starts, whether I should have another root beer float, I didn't exercise again today, my clothes are too tight, etc. Every paragraph I do manage to get through I have to go back and re-read at least once. So I finally started to ask, why is this so freaking hard?? I am a reader! And then I saw it. The book is chock full of scintillating gems like this:
"As Erickson and Shultz (1991) have discussed, student comfort with the social participation structure of an academic task, for instance, can vary according to culturally learned assumptions about appropriateness in communication and in social relationships, individual personality, and power relationships in the classroom social system and in society at large." HUH???
And this:
"The model is operationalized in the Sheltered Instruction Observation Protocol (SIOP)." WHAT??? I feel like the Geico caveman.
Here's the best part - the title of the book is "Making Content Comprehensible." They might start by making the freaking textbook comprehensible, dontcha think??

Great quote

"If you hear a voice within you say, 'You cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."- Vincent Van Gogh

It's so good to be home

I left class at 8:30 p.m. and drove all the way to Tucson... that's how desperate I was to get home! The girls stayed awake with me so I wouldn't fall asleep driving. They were really excited to get home too. They've already made plans with their friends for today.
I have one week off before I report for work. I think it will be just perfect. I'm already itching to get back into my classroom, but a quick visit should take care of that because I'll see all the work I have to do and then I'll want to leave.
Flagstaff was awesome and I learned a lot. Hopefully my next trip will be to the Galapagos Islands. Toyota sponsors a program to get teachers there for research.