Tough week.

I have a lot of kids failing my class. The majority of the reason is the test we took a few weeks ago. Here is everything I did to prepare the kids for the test:
1. We worked on the concepts for more than a week.
2. We took very careful notes, and in the notes was everything on the test.
3. The day before the test, we did a practice worksheet that was identical to the test except for different numbers. I was available the entire period to help. They were to study the worksheet to prepare for the test.
4. They were allowed to use their notes for the test.
5. They are allowed to retake the test, provided they come in after school, show me their notes, ask for help with whatever they don't understand, spend that night studying, and come in whenever they feel ready to retake.
In spite of all this, more than half the kids failed. Very few have bothered to retake. The class averages hovered around 65 percent, which is what they averaged on their last benchmarks. This tells me my grades are accurate.
I have gone over and over this in my mind, and I just refuse to inflate their grades. I didn't curve the test, and I won't. Their grades are an accurate reflection of their knowledge of the subject matter, which is as it should be.
Since I have so many kids failing, the number of parents wanting to meet with me has gone way up. I had five last week. I have two already this coming week. One of which is with the kid that called me retarded yesterday. He is failing math miserably and is just a jerk.
One of the parents last week, for some idiotic reason, believed her kid when she said she does all her homework, and studied, and has no idea why she's failing math. Well, I told a very different story and had examples of the kid's work to prove everything I said. The kid slouches in her desk during class, paying little or no attention to what is happening. She doesn't do her homework. She turns in papers that have 1 or 2 problems, the ones we did together in class, and nothing else so she gets zeros. She didn't even use her notes on her test. When her mom asked her why, she just shrugged. Well, this poor mother just cried. It was AWFUL. I said to the kid, in a very stern voice, "Look at your mother. LOOK AT HER. Do you see what you are doing to her? Do you??" The end result was very good; the parents took away her cell phone, her priveleges, everything. (This particular child is part African-American and has her hair done in small braids, very long, very pretty, and she is extremely vain about her hair.) They told her that if she doesn't fix herself, then when it's time to get her hair done, they just aren't going to do it. But the news isn't good. The kid was supposed to give me an apology letter, and talk to me after class on Friday, and she didn't do it. The parents told me specifically that if this kid didn't do that, would I please email and let them know. So, she isn't doing what she is supposed to do to fix herself. I only hope the parents follow through with what they told her.
Back to the failing grades. I have another student who transferred from another district in Tucson and his grade in math was a C. He can't do fractions, decimals or integers. He is one of the nicest kids I have ever taught, but he has no skills. How did he have a C? Because other teachers are inflating the grades. I just won't do it. My conscience will not allow it. But I know that with this many kids failing, there is a good chance the administration will come down on me. It hurts the school's reputation.
What to do? We have another test coming up on area and perimeter. I fear the results.

What a nightmare!

I had a school nightmare last night. I was a 7th grade teacher with no supplies, kids that behaved like animals, and a staff so big that I felt I knew noone. (That's not the nightmare yet, that is reality.) Then, for some ridiculous reason, the administration asked me to teach 1st grade and I AGREED! So I went into the new classroom and there were probably 40 first graders running around. There were boxes and jars and cans and containers stacked up to the ceiling in every corner and along every wall, full of every kind of school supply you can imagine. The kids were all seated in a circle around a huge island which was also stacked to the ceiling. Supplies, good, right? NO! They were all disorganized!! There were pencils mixed with crayons, bulletin board borders in the same container with math manipulatives, etc. It was a giant mess! And I had inherited it! My email inbox was jam packed with read and unread emails, and even though they were all addressed to me, I couldn't understand any of them! Then the kids started running amok, and of course I didn't know any of their names, for I had taken over in the middle of the school day and didn't even know where the seating chart was! One of the kids, who was like 17 years old and had facial hair and looked very mean, tried to go outside through the sliding glass door (!?) and when I tried to stop him, he grabbed my wrist and twisted. I kicked him out and promptly started sobbing because I had made such a bad decision. I sat down in my teacher chair among all the boxes and containers, and cried for a minute and I don't know what the children were doing. Then I realized I had better start acting like a teacher so I got up and started to check on one of the kids, and realized I had no underwear or pants on!!! They were on the floor about 10 feet from my desk!! In my dream, I was thinking, this is like a dream! That's how real it was. I put my pants and underwear back on and the bell rang, and I had to ask the kids if that was the dismissal bell. They said yes, so I told them I would see them tomorrow. On their way out I noticed that one of them was a PARENT!! And all I could think of was that if she saw me without pants on, I was going to get fired!
Then I woke up with a pounding headache. Oh. My. God.

Wednesday Bitchery on Thursday

I had a really sucky walkjog today. Why was it sucky, you ask? Well, for one, I woke up with a splitting headache. There have been a few mornings that I have had a headache getting up but it goes away shortly after I get outside and start walkjogging. This one, however, seemed to get worse. It is at bay right now but I am going to have to take something so it doesn't come back. So that was the first reason. Secondly, I am noticing that when I have a really good day, and push myself, the next day is very difficult. Yesterday was a particularly good day and I jogged most of the two miles. So today it felt like I was walkjogging through a swimming pool, I took one less lap around the park than usual, and finishing felt like a chore rather than a victory. There, I got that off my chest. Maybe now I can lighten up and have a good day. After all, it's Top Chef on Tivo night!! My favorite night of the week!

It's not my fault...

that people don't know the difference between DINNER and SUPPER anymore.

eHarmony = eDiscord

My sister has scored quite a few bad dates on eHarmony, so I decided to give it another try. What is better than bad dates, after all? Turns out bad emails are also much fun. But perhaps I overreact. You be the judge. Here is the communication that took place in less than the past 24 hours:

Him: my name is tim and i taught math for pima college for 16 years. What are you up to today?

Me: Hi,
I am just relaxing after a good day at work. :)
Did you enjoy teaching math? I really like it most of the time.

Him: i enjoyed it very much. I also taught a lot of aviation courses also. Do you enjoy snuggling under a blanket watching movies? lets get together and enjoy each others company!

My initial reaction is to immediately close the match. He's too forward, it gave me the creeps. How about suggesting a phone call or a lunch date? We go immediately from email to snuggling under a blanket? EW. What say ye?

The Fiery Pits of Hell

I was really dreading my first day back to work. I spent quite a bit of energy on it. It's the first time I have dreaded going to work since I started teaching. Thankfully, all that energy was wasted. It was a good day. The kids were subdued, probably tired from getting up early after two weeks of sleeping in. Only a few kids were mean. One of my team members said hi at lunch and actually sounded happy to see me. So, I am feeling much better about my ability to make it through the end of the school year! In my mind, I have come to refer to my classroom as the fiery pits of hell. Maybe by the end of the year I will have changed my mind.

Happy New Year! Hadn't you better lose some weight?

It happens every year at this time. This year I am either noticing it more, or it's actually getting worse. It's resolution season and it seems every advertisement in America is directed at women, and they are telling us we need to lose weight. There are commercials on TV and radio. The magazine covers are full of helpful suggestions. Every website I visit has at least one banner suggesting a great new diet.
Well, go to hell, all of you! I don't care what time of year it is! If I feel I'm in need of your services, I will contact YOU! BACK OFF!

What is this water coming from the sky?

I can't walk today because it's raining. Finally. The weatherpersons have been telling us it is going to rain for three days and this morning it is here. Today at school we are supposed to have our reward for the students who have been good all quarter. We are having them play board games, then watching a movie, then we are supposed to walk to Peter Piper Pizza so they can eat and play games. But if it's raining we won't be able to walk. So it should be an interesting day!

1 down, 14 to go!

I guess it's the norm in the teacher culture to count the days from one break to the next. It is strange to me because when my colleagues say things about how many days left until the next break, I think they must be as miserable as I am at their job. Which begs the question, why is anyone teaching? Why? The money sucks. You spend your day being treated like a booger smeared on a wall. You pour every ounce of energy you have into helping kids learn, only to be blamed when they don't. I guess these people are still teaching because they did what I did, and got their degree in education, and now what are they doing to do with an education degree besides teach? I just don't know. I have always said that life is too short to spend it doing something that makes you miserable. Maybe there is some reward to it that I haven't realized yet. But if that were true, why would everyone be counting the days? I don't know. I just don't know. I am trying real hard to stay positive, although reading what I just wrote, it doesn't seem like I am doing a very good job. I'll have to try harder.

1 down, 2 to go!

This 3 day week tends to be one of the longest in the teaching year. This week, the week before Christmas, and the week before school gets out for the summer are kinda tough! The thing that is different about this three day week is the number of parents who think their kid won't miss anything, and anyway they really have to get out of town so the kids can just miss school!! The number of absences is staggering. A full 20% of my homebase was gone yesterday and it will only increase as the week goes on. It leaves the teacher in somewhat of a difficult position. I don't want to waste the instructional time. The kids that show up deserve to have school go on. But I don't want to teach anything difficult because there are too many kids gone, and I will just have to reteach it. So, I am teaching something easy enough for the kids who are gone to suck it up and learn on their own, but hard enough that being in school for it is definitely a benefit.
Outside of work, things are awesome! The house is ready for Thanksgiving. I am ready for Thanksgiving. The groceries are bought, the chairs are in place, the floor is clean. Yay!

It's going to be a long one.

I did not sleep much last night. I woke up around midnight and tossed and turned for a while. Then I decided the problem was that I was much too hungry, so I got up and ate a bowl of cereal. I went back to bed and tossed and turned for another hour or so, and then finally decided to take a sleeping pill. Now it's time to get ready for work and I only took the sleeping pill about 5 hours ago so I'm unbelievably tired!
While I am complaining, I have something else to rag about. I want Christmas to go away for another week. Do you hear me, Christmas? I have another full week before Thanksgiving day, which is when it's officially OK to start thinking about you. So I am putting you on notice: LEAVE NOW and don't come back for another week.

Top 10

Top 10 reasons I can tell I am getting better:
10. My appetite has returned.
9. I am crying less than once a day.
8. No more nausea in the morning.
7. Getting up in the morning is feeling less like a chore and more like a good thing.
6. I have walked every weekday for the past two weeks.
5. I cooked dinner twice this week.
4. I can stay up past 8:00.
3. My coffee tastes good again.
2. I am singing along with the radio in the car like I used to.
And the number one reason I can tell I am getting better....
1. I just made the frosting for the kids to decorate gingerbread houses on Thanksgiving! My first official act to get ready for the holiday.

I'm #1

I found this article about the 10 germiest jobs in America and guess what! My job is #1 on the list. I think I already knew that but it was funny to see it.

Walking

This past Monday I started getting up earlier and walking in the mornings. It's been four days now and man was it hard getting out there this morning. But I did it.

Weeds

My backyard is full of weeds. Dead weeds, mostly. I really need to get rid of them. But every time I try, I get overwhelmed and come back inside. I bought a hula-hoe so I could just chop them and then put them in a garbage bag. So I go outside and do one little area, and then look at the rest of the yard. Then I promptly put the hoe down and go back inside. It's maddening! The weeds are totally stressing me out. Every time I look out there, I think, I have to get rid of those weeds. Go outside, chop a few down, go back inside. It's just never going to get done at this point. Stupid weeds.

Freedom from Food

In my new stress-filled life, I have discovered a fringe benefit that I haven't experienced since my divorce 10 years ago. Food has become a bother. Eating is something I must do periodically to keep my body going. There is no enjoyment whatsoever in it. It is very strange. Even my morning coffee is compulsory and doesn't really taste good anymore. I am not sure how much longer this will go on but I am quite certain it's not forever so I am taking advantage of the opportunity to lose weight. Now if I could just get myself to exercise...

I'm Free!

I told my principal yesterday that I couldn't finish my two weeks. It was dishonorable and weak but I did it anyway because I can't take going there anymore. She was really good about it, too. So, I'm done with the prison! YAY!! I can hardly contain my excitement. Now I am going to work on getting my files ready for my new job, since I may actually be able to use the stuff I have.
I am also really excited about watching the vice presidential debate tonight at my sister's house. It should be a hootin hollerin good time.

I called in sick!

I don't have to go to my last Tuesday in prison because I called in sick. I might just call later on today and say that I'm not coming back at all. I just might do that.

Last Monday

Today is my last Monday at the prison. I should be happy but I am just as filled with anxiety as I always am before work. Stomach revolting, shaking, sweating, panic-filled and so tired. But I will get through the day, just like I have for the last month, hour by hour. It will pass by, no matter how slowly. Or, maybe I'll get lucky and it will go by fast! It's happened before!

What if I forgot how to teach?

Only one more week until I can be a teacher again. I took a 7th grade math position at a middle school about 15 minutes away from my house. I worry that I have forgotten how to teach in the last 5 months of insanity. What if I don't know what to do? Then I think that's just silly, of course I will know what to do!! I will snap back into being a teacher because that's what I do. This last 5 months has been an aberration. I guess I just wanted to see what it was like to be a corrections officer. Well, now I know. I also know it's not the job for me! I just don't want to delude myself about the situation I am going into now. I will be taking over someone else's classroom after an entire quarter, which is no small job. I just have to have faith that I will know what to do, that the last 3 years experience will be enough to get me through the transition. I am totally excited about being around 7th graders again.