More Snow!!

We have an icicle!!!
This is my front yard.
This is my street.
We also have a 2-hour delay in starting school, which is why I am blogging instead of working! It is snowing again right now.

Snow!!

This is a snowman my sister-in-law made. Inne cute???

Animals

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/

Nightmares

It's that time of month, which means bad dreams, but last night was a particularly nasty one. I dreamed I had hit someone with my car. I don't know if they were injured or dead, just that I had hit them. Before I got in the car I had a few sips of beer and so my breath smelled like alcohol. I was going to trial and my older sister was my defender. I was going to be sentenced to two years in jail unless I got off, which didn't seem likely because of the beer. It didn't matter that I had a few sips, just that I smelled like it. I was asking my older sister if she was ready to take the kids (my ex-husband didn't exist in the dream, one very nice part of an otherwise complete nightmare) and she wouldn't answer me, so I didn't know what would become of my daughters. By the time I got out of jail they would be nearly adults. Then, thankfully, my alarm went off. I hope the lingering sense of unease lets up before long.
I have to meet with the principal and the parent who is telling everyone that I am abusing her son tomorrow after school. I wonder if this has anything to do with the nightmare? I do feel like I'm on trial where this parent is concerned. Don't know how much of it is in my head.

Ice Hockey

I went on a date last night to an ice hockey game. It was U of A against some school from back East... St. Louis I think? I had never been to a hockey game. Did you know the ice smells like a locker room? Strange. The crowd was quite exuberant. They wanted the players to fight. Six players got kicked out. I guess when they fight, the object is to get as many of the other guy's clothes off as you can. Whoever gets the most clothes off the other guy, won the fight. The referees kind of skated around whomever was fighting, waiting for them to be done. It was one of the strangest things I have ever seen. It confirmed my suspicions about the sport though... It's not about the hockey, it's about the fighting. Really it's just boxing, only with sticks and a lot of padding. Also they are on skates so they are slipping around and using each other to stay upright, while they are trying to strip each other naked. I'll probably go again.

Scars

I tear my heart open
I sew myself shut
My weakness is
That I care too much
My scars remind me
That the past is real
I tear my heart open,
Just to feel
I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just want to be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you channeled all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself.
You're making me insane
All I can say is
I tear my heart open
I sew myself shut
My weakness is
That I care too much
And our scars remind us
That the past is real
I tear my heart open,
Just to feel
I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassion's in my nature
Tonight is our last end.
I tear my heart open
I sew myself shut
My weakness is
That I care too much
Our scars remind us
That the past is real
I tear my heart open,
Just to feel
I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just want to be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
You didn't understand.
GO FIX YOURSELF
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I've got to move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I've got to move on with my own life
I tear my heart open
I sew myself shut
My weakness is
That I care too much
Our scars remind us
That the past is real
I tear my heart open,
Just to feel
I tear my heart open
I sew myself shut
My weakness is
That I care too much
My scars remind me
That the past is real
I tear my heart open,
Just to feel...
(a song by Papa Roach)

It is done.

I have applied for my Master's program. I am filled with apprehension, fear, and loathing at the thought of it. It's not a good attitude to have when embarking on such an adventure. Note to self: Work on that. It is a program specifically designed for middle school math teachers, and the degree will be a Master of Arts in Mathematics with Teaching Option. I like the first 5 words best. I am excited about getting into math classes again. It's the writing of papers that I dread!

I'm getting married

Yesterday I found out that my favorite student (the one whose mother sent that nasty email on Friday) had said that he couldn't talk to my partner teacher about the problems he was having with me because the partner teacher and I are getting MARRIED. For some reason, that final tidbit was enough to snap me out of the pity party I had been having for myself all damn weekend and I found some sympathy for the kid. He's crazy, and in the classic words of Ray Barone's dad, "You can't be mad at a crazy person." Regardless of what level of reality this poor child is living in, he believes I dislike him. So the partner teacher is going to handle him, and I am going to work to make my few interactions with him very positive. Then I am going to ignore his mother and let the principal handle her.
I do feel like I have made a huge mistake doing special ed. It did not occur to me when I signed on for it that working with resource kids would mean dealing with crazy people. It totally makes sense... duh! And since I am not even making enough money to make ends meet, and I am going to have to find a weekend job, probably for minimum wage, I am thinking, what am I doing? I can look for a different line of work, where I make enough money, and don't have crazy people after me.

Dear Crazy Bitch,

Thank you for the drama you caused right before the weekend. Really, it just started things off on just the right note for me. I sort of wonder, though, how there can be so much drama when your kid hasn't even been to school this week?
Oh, that's right. I forgot. You had all week to bond with him and hear all the details about his regular school day, and how horribly he is treated in my class.
It's not like you shouldn't believe the little angel... after all, he's always been truthful before, right? Like the time he told you that I wouldn't "except" (your word) his homework because it was only half done, when in reality he tried to turn in the work we had done in class? He hadn't done a single problem of the homework side of the worksheet. You made some excuse for him, and for yourself, about being confused. I let it go. Then there was the time he told you the reason he was tardy for my class was because he was talking with another teacher. You reminded me ever so kindly that he has accomodations for that, being that he is practically a paraplegic, and he is allowed to spend all the time he needs getting clarification of directions. There was just that one little detail about him having LUNCH right before my class... oh, and the part where I asked that teacher whether she had been talking to your son after lunch, and she had no idea what I was talking about. That time, you apologized to me and grounded your son for lying to you. I guess it doesn't matter whether or not he lies to everyone else.
Regardless, I guess you have chosen to believe whatever he has been telling you all week, and I guess in your mind that justifies you sending an email to another member of the staff calling me a witch and telling him how sorry you are that he has to work with such a "wicked women" (again, your idiot spelling) all day.
That was really great. Then, that part where you called the principal and told her that I was giving your son an ulcer? Thanks for that. I so enjoy being held responsible for shit that isn't mine.
It's really very simple. I teach math. That's my job. I'm not your son's wet nurse. I'm not his counselor, or his self-esteem monitor, or his guidance counselor. I am not your whipping post. I have your son for less than one hour a weekday, during which time my job is to TEACH HIM MATH. That is all. I teach a lesson, we do some practice, I assign homework. He either participates in the lesson, or he doesn't. Not something I can control. He either hands in the homework, or he doesn't. Not something I can control.
I am doing my part. How about if you start doing yours? Better yet, maybe YOUR SON could try doing something for HIMSELF?
He'll never get the chance with you in his life. I actually think he might be better off if you were beating him, instead of wiping his ass. At least that way he would have to learn how to stick up for himself. As it is, you are teaching him to be just another stupid sucker who will never be able to take responsibility for his own actions. It's ok with me, really. One day you'll be telling the judge why she is a witch because she doesn't understand how HARD his life is with ADD, and how wicked she is for sending him to jail. You just can't treat a special ed kid like that, right?
By the way... he's only a special ed kid for a few more years. There is no such thing as a special ed adult.
Sincerely,
Wicked Witch of the School

I need to learn when to HANG UP.

I answered a guy's personal ad, sent him an email and when he responded we exchanged pictures. We emailed back and forth for a few days and then I gave him my number. He is my age, good looking, one kid, never been married. He has a job and a car, a degree, etc... he met all of the basic criteria. So we talked.
Fist, he could not stop talking abou the size of my breasts. He probably brought it up five times in ten minutes and actually asked me what my cup size was.
Then, (why in the hell was I still on the phone?? I really don't know!) he kept asking me all these weird questions about my personality. Would I say I tend to take charge, or let other people make the decisions? Would I say my personality is more dominant, or submissive?
(HellOOOOO Melissa, pick up the clue phone!)
While I was trying to figure out a way of get off the phone without being rude (I really need to get over that) he says to me, hesitantly, "It's just that I am looking for someone... for someone.... for.... someone to dominate me."
(verrrrrry pregnant pause)
Me: (stifling a laugh) Oh!... I see.
Him: What? You see what? What does that mean?
Me: Yeah, I gotta go...
Him: Can I call you tomorrow?
Me: No.
Him: Is that an order?
Me: ??????????????
Me: click

The Windy City

I've been talking to a guy from Chicago who is planning on moving to my city next summer. We emailed back and forth for a few weeks, and then he asked if he could call me. He seems to have his act together, and he's really sweet. Like most of the men I have met, he spends way too much time talking about his ex. (What's the deal with that?) Other than that, he's my kind of guy. He thinks about things just for the sake of thinking. He forms opinions based on evidence instead of emotion. He can talk about politics without getting hot under the collar. He kinda has a funny name though.

The point is, I did it

Yesterday I wore pantyhose to work. I overlooked the small detail of putting underpants into my gym bag, so I worked out commando-style. All was well until the leg press machine. And that's all I have to say about that.

Maybe I'll just waitress...

Things I am expected to do every day:

Write learning objectives on the board (4 different ones because I teach 4 levels)
Write essential questions on the board (4 different sets)
Update my website detailing homework for the day (4 different assignments)
Bus duty after school

Things I am expected to do every week:

Enter two grades per class
Do lesson plans for the following week
Playground duty Tuesday mornings
Math meeting every Wednesday during my plan

Other things I was told last week:

- No sitting down during teaching. Apparently I am not qualified to decide that my students are ready to practice on their own.
- No trying to get other work done while sitting at a meeting that has nothing to do with anything concerning me. I have to listen even if it is totally irrelevant.

Last week I had meetings after school 4 out of 5 days. Next week I have meetings after school 5 out of 5 days. My planning period was taken away two out of five days. Already for next week my planning period has been taken away two out of five days. I have about 100 students all together, so I am supposed to grade at least 200 papers a week and enter the grades in the computer. When is this supposed to happen? I can't do it during the day while the students are working, and I can't do it after school during the stupid meetings. Is there some magic grading fairy that I need to get in touch with? Because I have a quite tall stack of papers sitting next to my coffee right now, and I have to say I resent it.
I should just quit and get a job waitressing at CoCo's. At least they get tips when they're nice.

My least favorite holiday

I have never liked halloween, but the older my kids get, the more of a pain in the arse this "holiday" turns out to be. I have argued until I am blue in the face with my 14 year old, who insists she is not too old to be trick-or-treating. Someone else told me they draw the line at facial hair, so maybe she isn't too old yet, but my gut says when they are taller than me, it's time to quit. Then the older daughter asks if she can have a friend sleep over. It's a school night, I say. It's halloween, she says. Fine, I say. I'm too tired to keep this up any longer. I might be spared the younger one going anywhere as she has been sick for the last few weeks with a strange fever that comes and goes. If she has a fever, then oh well! Can't go anywhere.
My students are not allowed to dress up for halloween, thank goodness. It's too much of a distraction. However, they are 12 year olds, and they LOVE halloween. They will push the limits, I am sure. The best part is that my principal, in her infinite wisdom, chose TODAY as picture day. This should be interesting.

Work is not so good...

I knew teaching special ed would be challenging. Just like the rest of the job though, it isn't the actual teaching or the students. It's the parents, and the meetings. Yesterday the two combined and the result was my spending two hours after school twiddling my thumbs while the special ed coordinator listened to some parents bitch about how we're not doing right by their son. Very little of it was about how their son is kind of a creep and has no sense of personal responsibility whatsoever about his education. His mom kept saying things like, "You guys just don't understand how hard life is for him" and "It's really hard parenting him" and "You guys just don't know how hard it is for him to learn."
WHATEVER. Parenting is hard, period. Learning is hard too. Both require effort.
At the end of the meeting, she gave me a copy of an article she printed off the internet titled "How to teach children with ADD." I could barely conceal my contempt. I wish I could hand her an article that goes something like "How not to turn your kid into a dependent asshole" or "How to take responsibility for your own shit instead of trying to put it on everyone around you." The sad part is that the kid is far more capable than his parents allow him to be. If he had to take responsibility for his actions, he would be working at or near grade level. As it is, he doesn't have to do his own homework, he doesn't have to take responsibility for his part in his education, and he gets to blame me every time he doesn't understand his math. Whether he so much as had a pencil in his hand while I was teaching, or followed along while I showed him how to do the problems, is irrelevant.
The end result is I left home before the sun came up yesterday, and didn't get home until after it was dark. I still had to get dinner on the table and finish up my lesson plans for today. (I got my planning period taken away yesterday because of an assembly that I was required to attend.) I don't get paid enough to live this kind of life. Today I have another meeting after school, the same kind as yesterday. I already know this kid's father, and the way he pores over each individual assignment in my gradebook and questions me about each one. I went to school for this??

Is it just me?

I chaperoned a school dance yesterday after school. This is a middle school, so the youngest kids there were about 10 years old, and the oldest around 13. I must be getting really old, because I was (and still am) horrified at what I saw and heard. The girls all learned how to dance watching MTV and VH1, so when they weren't shaking what they have of chests, they were swinging their little booties back and forth like they meant business. Some of them danced exactly like the girls in the hip-hop videos. It's bad enough to see grown women doing these things. It's very disconcerting to see a ten year old do it.
I don't know if my principal is completely clueless about music or if she just decided to ignore it. The DJ played "Promiscuous" (I can see you with nothing on, feeling on me before you bring that on) followed by SexyBack (I’m bringing sexy back, Them other fuckers don’t know how to act, Come let me make up for the things you lack, Cause your burning up I gotta get it fast) followed by London Bridge (I'm such a lady but I'm dancing like a ho (Oh, snap), 'cause you know I don't give a fuck so here we go! (Oh snap)) and many more. Is it just me, or is this completely inappropriate? The other teachers didn't seem to think anything of it. If it were a high school, it might be ok, but I wonder if the parents of these 10 year olds know what they are hearing?

I got help!!

The school finally hired a special ed teacher. He is going to team teach the three special ed math classes with me! HOORAY!! He just started yesterday, but already my life is so much easier. I have only been working 8 1/2 hour days! Right now he is observing and getting to know the kids. He seems to have a really good knack for seeing what needs to happen and then just doing it, which is just unbelievably nice. I have to be careful not to steamroll over him though. I have a way of doing that.
Other random thoughts:
Today I assigned my 7th graders the odd problems. I forgot they don't know what odd numbers are.
I was emailing a guy who responded to my ad for a dance partner. We decided to go ahead and meet, so I gave him my cell phone number. He proceeded to call me (for the first time) close to midnight on Saturday. WTF? There went that idea.
I haven't had any responses to my online dating profile in weeks.
My oldest daugher and the boy with facial hair have already broken up and got back together. LORD.

but it's my JOB to torture you!!

My older daughter has a new boy in her life. It's the BOY WITH FACIAL HAIR. He is a senior and his grandparents bought a car for him to use. She wants him to be able to drive her around. (Geez, Mom, that's what boyfriends DO!! What is your PROBLEMUHHHHHH!!!) I told her that when he convinced me that he was a good driver, then I would allow him to drive her. She wanted me to tell him how to do that, and I refused for a day or so, and then finally had mercy on them. I asked her how she knew what kind of driver I was, and she said because she has been in the car with me. There ya go, I said. She got this incredulous look on her face. (Really, it was quite funny.) She said, "You mean you want him to DRIVE YOU AROUND??" I asked her how else I would know whether or not he was good at it?
So the young man wanted to do this after volleyball practice last night. I told him where to drive, and I sat in the back seat while the two of them sat in the front. Then I proceeded to bombard him with questions the whole time he was driving. "Where are your parents? You live with your grandparents? Why? Where did you move here from? Do you have a job? Where are you planning on going to college? Who pays for the insurance? Who pays for the gas? Have you had any accidents? What about tickets?"
He copped to one speeding ticket, which was good because if he told me he didn't have any I would have assumed he was lying. He went exactly five miles per hour over the speed limit. He used his turn signal and drove very well in spite of my interrogation. All in all, I was impressed. He did answer his cell phone twice while driving, which I could not let go without comment. I threatened him with bodily harm should she ever be injured because of him being careless. I gave him a little speech about how he can't possibly understand what it's like as a parent to allow your child's life to be put in someone else's hands. In the end, I gave him permission to drive her around IF she calls me first to tell me where they are going and then calls me when they arrive.
Seriously though, it's all I can do not to run around waving my arms and screaming for all of this madness to just STOP. I had another talk with her tonight, because tonight he is driving her home from their weekly school social at the local coffee house, and told her that if she EVER feels like she is in an unsafe position (he's had something to drink, he got high, she decided he's not a safe driver, whatever) that she can call me and I will not say a word about anything. I will just come and get her, no questions asked. I won't demand she stop seeing him, I won't say a word about any of it. I gave her my word and I really hope I can live up to it, if that ever happens.

true.com = dirty old men

I filled out a profile at True.com because they had a free 7-day trial offer. What could it hurt? WELL. Let me tell you. First of all, when I filled out my profile, the next thing they wanted me to do was take a compatibility test. Not at all unusual for a dating website. That's how they make the claim that they will use scientifically based methods to find your "true love" or "soul mate" or whatever they like to call it. The next thing they wanted me to do was take a sexual compatibility test. Huh?? I didn't do it, because I am not looking to sleep with these people, I just want to MAYBE date them.
So, over the next few days I received six "winks." The Rules say not to respond to winks, because all it takes is a click and does not show enough interest on the part of the man. I agree. The trouble was when I looked at who was sending me the winks. One lived in a different city. Another lived in a different state. The rest were all over 55 years old. EWWW! One of them was 61!! WHAT THE HELL? I am 37 years old!! What the HELL would I want to do with a freaking dirty old man who is older than my father?? :::shudder:::
Thankfully, when I called to cancel the account, they did not hassle me at all. That is a redeeming feature in my opinion. All the guy did was offer me a free month, and I said listen, it's not about the money. I'm so grossed out right now. The men who show interest are my dad's age.
He just kind of chuckled and cancelled my account without another word.
*sigh*

School Shootings

What is happening in our schools? The recent increase in violence at schools by non-students and non-faculty is stunning and frightening. As a teacher, I read articles like this and I am actually fearful about going to work. As a parent and as a teacher, I wonder why this issue is not at the forefront of the next board meeting? What is being done to protect my children? What is being done to protect me?
I believe there is a connection between the violence in schools and the shift in public attitude about schools in general. I cannot tell you the number of times I have heard "Those that can, do. Those that can't, teach." This during a conversation about why my job is or is not important, and people have not quoted that to me once, but several times. Another good one is, "What kind of person would take a job that pays so low? It tells me you can't get anything better." A parent said that to me during a discussion about sports at our school.
I grin and bear it, and figure that people just don't understand my job or why I love it. I am starting to think that those kinds of comments are just the peaks of a mountain of ignorance and disrespect toward schools in general.
Maybe people in all service jobs have to put up with this, and maybe I am reacting out of sheer ignorance because I am new at the job. But how does it occur to an angry madmad to take out his grudge on school children?
How does it occur to angry teenagers that the best way to show the world who they are is to kill their classmates?
How does it occur to a student angry about a disciplinary action that killing the principal is the best option?
Since 1997, there have been 21 episodes of school violence. That averages out to just over two incidents per year. Statistically, the chance of something happening at my school or my kids' school is astronomically low. Here's the thing: As a teacher, I can point out the wacko kid who is most likely to show up with a gun and start shooting. I can refer you to the angry-at-the-world parent who is frightening to be around and probably carries a gun, but has every right to come on campus whenever he wants because his kid is in one of my classes. What can I do about these situations? Absolutely nothing. I could try referring the student to the school psychologist, who is there about three days a week because we share her with another school, and who is so busy with the anti-bullying program that is mandated by the district that she rarely actually sees students of concern. Even if she made time to see him, she has to tell his parents that she is doing it, and they have the right to refuse to let him see her. I can let my administration know about my concerns with this or that parent, but it's nothing they haven't heard and don't already know.
So what do I do? I practice lockdown procedures until I know them backwards and forwards. I lock my room after school hours. I pray. I wish I knew what to do to make this situation better.