Fun with Craig's List

For those of you who don't know, Craig's List is an online classified ads website. It is free, so you get all kinds. I read the personal ads often; every now and then there's a good one. I came across this one last week:

Somewhere there's a Woman - 46

Somewhere, there's a woman whose beautiful, naturally slender physique doesn't require drug induced effort to maintain. Somewhere there's a woman who likes Big Mac's and Crab Legs, Prime Rib and PBJ's. Somewhere there's a woman that realizes moderation is the key, nothing is entirely off limits although some things are kept that way for higher purposes. Somewhere there's a woman that will dance with her man under the stars, to the music of a car radio playing in the parking lot. Somewhere there's a woman that understands energy, intuitively, and how to channel it. Somewhere there's a woman, seeking more from life than the ever increasing balance in her check book. Somewhere there's a woman that is still intact, unharmed and unjaded. Somewhere there's a woman, that can love animals, children and a lover with the same reverence they dedicate to loving themselves. Somewhere, there's a woman that can share, without measuring the equality of this moment, but the equality of the whole. Somewhere there's a woman who measures herself by how she touches the lives of others, not so much what she receives in return. Somewhere there's a woman who's physically healthy, mentally stable, financially able, sexually active and sensually in tune. Somewhere there's a woman interested in seeing beyond the horizon and rarely disappointed by what she may find there. Somewhere there's a woman that can look at the desert and key on the flower that's rooted between the rocks. Somewhere there's a woman who understands the metaphysical as well as the physical, the intimate as well as the exoteric. Somewhere there's a woman that doesn't understand jealousy or enjoy it.
Somewhere there's a woman, a little like me. Somewhere there's a woman that'd like to know me. This isn't intended as poetry, just my call to the universe for a Very Special Delivery...

He had attached his picture, and believe you me, he is NOT all of that. Once I stopped gagging, I was inspired to write an ad in response, which I thought was hysterically funny:

To the Perfect Man - 38

Let me see if I've got this straight....
You want a thin woman who eats Big Macs.
You want a woman with a lot of energy and drive who is willing to spend their spare time dancing in a parking lot.
A woman who loves animals, has money yet doesn't care about it, in her 30s or 40s but has never been hurt enough to be jaded.
Who gives everything she has but doesn't require anything from you except your dashing good looks and charming personality.
Who looks for adventure but never shows any sign of disappointment.
Hmmm.... sounds a lot like Snow White. Have you tried Disneyland?

Well, I started getting responses. Quite a few. It is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen. Some of the dimmer bulbs out there thought I was describing MYSELF as Snow White, and wanted to "defrock" me. Some were rather vile, telling me it's really not all that much to ask, all of those things in one woman, and I must be a bitch. Oh, you'd like to see them? OK!

Dearest,
You have to have a great sense of humor...please tell me you do.
Care to chat a while?
Intrigued....gotta know...drop me a line?
kenny


Your ad is as hell... you gotta be good people.

lets see im not perfect and all I want from a woman is for her to be her wow that's asking allot by the way hi im Richard

I would have to disagree with this.
Although I'm sure this does apply to quite a few men out there.

Hello, your posting was intreiging , me 25/m UofA grad in tucson area, ask some questions

That's just a sampling! I deleted many, many more. I pasted them exactly as they were written. These are my options, people!!
Then I thought, why should I be the only one entertained? I'll share it with my friends and family! So there is my Friday gift to you all.
Peace, love and protractors!!