Wednesday Bitchery

This Wednesday's Bitchery is about itchy sweaters. Let's recap where we are as a society. We have people living in outer space. We are finding possibly habitable rocky planets around other suns. The FDA is considering whether it should warn people when they are buying cloned meat for their dinner table. And we can't figure out a material to make sweaters with that doesn't ITCH??? I mean, people. Seriously. Something must be done. Preferably by next Christmas since that's the only time I wear sweaters.

Friday Gratitude

I am grateful for several things! First, I got an A in that master's class. Whew! Glad that's over with. Secondly, I am going to see the Indigo Girls on Monday night courtesy of my favorite brother-in-law! Ok, he's my only brother-in-law, but still. What a nice thing to do! Third, I got the day after the concert off work. YES! An extra day to myself to get ready for the holiday. Fourth, and here's something the universe sent me and it is profound. You know those riding chairs they sell to old people? Kind of like wheelchairs but they are electric, to increase mobility? On my way to the craft store this past week, driving along a very busy road, I saw an old man who had tipped his little scooter over in the crosswalk, and he was trapped inside the chair part, struggling furiously. He must have been terrified... there were cars whizzing by and even though he was in the crosswalk, he couldn't get up. So I put the hazard lights on immediately and pulled to the shoulder to help him. I went over and made a joke about taking the corner too fast, and smiled at him, and he grabbed my hand. I put my arm around his waist and pulled him up. At that moment I had a flash of memory of helping my grandmother up. And I was grateful for my grandmother, I think for the first time in my life, because I knew exactly what to do for this little old man. I got him settled back in his chair and he went on his merry way, and I could see why he tipped over because he was the Mario Andretti of the old people scooters. I am humbled by the wisdom of the universe and thankful to finally have a good feeling associated with my grandmother. It's about freaking time.

I have a Thursday Divinity!

I went to a cookie exchange. What is more divine than this? Nothing, I tell you!

Wednesday Bitchery

Today I am bitching about Secret Santa. Every year I think, "How fun! I'll sign up." Then, I proceed to do all kinds of fun things for the person I drew, while the person who drew me does NOTHING. Then, I think, "They'll make up for it on the last day with something really great." Then I get "The Chipmunks Sing Christmas" or something lame like that. Why? Why? Why???

Quote for the Week

"This is the Nixon administration without the competence." - Joe Biden

Go Joe! If you had a vagina, I would totally change my vote.

Want to see how I'm spending my weekend?

I am writing my stupid, boring twelve- to fourteen-page paper that all sounds a lot like this:

Geometry is that part of mathematics dealing with size and relative positions of shapes and the space they occupy. The use of language is important to geometry because it requires descriptions of the objects being studied in very specific terms. Geometric language is rife with polysemy. For example, consider the 8th grade geometry standard, “Identify the planar geometric figure that is the result of a given rigid transformation” (Arizona Department of Education). This standard is not written in student-friendly language, but the language used gives some insight into the vocabulary necessary to master the standard. The everyday language definition of the word “transformation” is generally used to describe an object that changes into something else. The technical definition as it applies to geometry is very different. In the case of the standard mentioned previously, the object retains its original size and shape, but moves to a different location by way of a set of specific steps. The word “rigid” usually implies a lack of movement. In this case, it identifies a specific type of movement on the coordinate plane. Geometry includes conjectures, theorems, and proofs that are constructed of the language of geometry in the technical math register. Learning at this stage requires a knowledge and understanding of an entirely new vocabulary, plus the technical meanings of words that may already be familiar to the student, but take on an entirely new meaning in the context of geometry.

Now, don't you feel glad you have your life and not mine?

Kangaroos can save the world!

Well, more specifically, kangaroo farts can save the world.

Ok, seriously?

I do not want to go to work. I'm not even sure I want to be a teacher anymore. Yesterday ended with a kid saying "fuck you" on his way out the door. In front of the rest of the kids. I am so embarrassed, and that pisses me off. Why should I be embarrassed for HIS bad behavior? I can't figure out what is happening with my emotions. All I know is I am really reacting badly to this

Wednesday Bitchery!

Today's bitchery is about standardized testing, as I am prone to complain about it at the end of every quarter. Specifically, my district's testing. Specifically, the 7th grade test for 2nd quarter. The tests always contain multiple mistakes. For example, the 7th grade test I am administering has one question that lists the same answer choice for A and B. That same test has pattern questions, and one is to find the next two terms of the pattern. Later on in the test, another question lists the exact same pattern, including one of the missing terms, and asks the students to identify the pattern. Now, whether or not these kids will have their shit together enough to realize that the 2nd problem gives away the answer to the 1st is questionable. All it does is make the results of those 3 questions invalid. So I told the curriculum person at my school that those 3 items were invalid, and he didn't know what I meant. I had to explain to him that on those 3 items, we won't know whether the kids got it right because the test gives the answers away, or they got it right because they knew the content. I don't expect the average person to understand this... I do expect the curriculum specialist to already know it. Why is it that he is in a position of authority and I know more about testing than he does??? The 8th grade test has five invalid items. It wouldn't be a big deal except that we send kids to summer school based on the results of this test. If there are 45 questions, and 5 of them are bad, then statistically our error margin for sending kids to reteach is 10%. Kind of high, especially if it were my kid. I probably shouldn't even be talking about it, because I really don't want the parents to find out. But my GODDESS, if this isn't worthy of a bitchery, then I don't know what is.

I cried at work.

This last quarter I had a math reteach class. All the kids from the other team who failed their first math benchmark came to me every day for 40 minutes to relearn the math. Then they retook the benchmark test. Some of them made great strides and did really well. That's not why I cried. A few of them actually did worse. That's why I cried. How can you come to me for 40 minutes every day and then take a test, and do worse than you did the first time around? HOW?? Either they are sadistic little shits and just made pretty pictures while filling in the bubbles, or they seriously did not learn a single thing, and not only that but they UN-learned what they knew when they came in. All that planning, all that effort and energy expended on my part, and this is what I get back??!! I just have to focus on the ones that did well. Focus. Focus.

Last day of school!

Tonight is my last U of A class for this semester. WOO HOO!!! Now, that doesn't mean I am done with the class. I still have to finish writing the gargantuan, stupefyingly boring paper and turn it in by December 14th. But no more Monday nights spent with the melange of idiocy that is my group. At least until January.

It's December!

Yay, it's December and I'm so happy about it! December means cold weather, a break from school, a break from teaching, tons of cooking, presents, my birthday, the list is endless! I am grateful for the wind and rain last night even though they kept waking me up. Now I don't have to water my outside plants this weekend. There might be snow on the mountains. I will look when I am on my way to the farmer's market. Monday is my last day of class at the university this semester. My group has a 30-minute presentation to get through. We got together Wednesday to rehearse, and the professor was with us and made suggestions. There is one member of the group who has no independent thought and she reads the slides, but what am I going to do? It's 25% of my grade but I am pretty sure that the professor isn't going to knock me for my group being stupid. I hope I hope I hope. I have to keep a 3.5 GPA in order to retain my fellowship, and this is my first class, so if I get a B I'm in trouble. It's kind of a lot of pressure. I just have to let go and do the best I can. My paper is due December 14th and if I do a really good job on it, then I probably don't have to worry about my grade.

What's your pirate name?

I'm Whisky Wendy the Hermit!!

Is it Christmas?

hee hee!!

FG

My Friday Gratitude was riding home last night with the windows down, smoking and listening to the Indigo Girls with my sister. It was totally awesome, dude.

The finished product

Here is Emily's gingerbread house:


And here is Jessica's:

Make the pie higher!

This is a poem composed of quotes by our fearless leader, George H.W. Bush.

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen
And uncertainty
And potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the internet
Become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish
Can coexist.

Families is where our nation finds hope
Where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!


Go ahead, look it up. It's true.

Gingerbread Village!

The houses are ready! Yay!!!!!

That is IT, Tim Russert!

I am not watching your show any more. I have changed the channel in the middle of your vainglorious braggery for the last time. It's the middle of November in one of the most interesting presidential campaign seasons in history, and you choose to spend HALF YOUR SHOW not moderating, but tooting your own bloated horn! You over-latted, bug-eyed, egotistical piece of poop! You have made me do something I really didn't want to do, and that is watch Fox News Sunday. Let me know if you ever decide to go back into politics instead of celebrity endorsements and self-important infomercials about your own show, you swaggering, narcissistic windbag! You, sir, are an IDIOT!

FG

I hear thunder in the distance! It's so exciting!
I'm really thankful for the three-day week, next week. I already have my planning done. Also, my kids want to help me bake the gingerbread houses. Yay!! The holidays are here!