What a week! I've been working my head off. My youngest daughter waited until 2 days before her science fair project was due to get started on it, and even though I refused to bail her out, it was still a very stressful couple of days. I did the right parenting thing, but it was definitely not the easy way out. I kept reminding her of why she was in this situation, and that she did not have anyone to blame but herself, etc. Of course, it would have helped greatly if I didn't have to be the only parent. I am very angry and resentful at my ex right now because he could have helped and he chose not to. I'm so angry that I feel like telling him I'm not driving the girls to meet him this Friday, and if he wants to see them he can come get them. But when I think that through, I am afraid that he will come get them and then refuse to bring them back, and put me in the same situation I am thinking of putting him in. And that isn't what is best for the girls. So, I will bite my tongue and swallow my anger and take them as usual. And my stomach will complain. My sense of fairness and justice will complain. And nothing will change. It's the powerlessness that eats away at me. What it all boils down to is that I chose him as the father of my children, and I chose to divorce him, and although they were both reasonable choices at the time, these are the results.
I have finished reading "You: On A Diet" and have exercised every day this week except Thursday. (Ok, I skipped my walk because I was helping with science fair.) This book insists that being accountable is very important for success in making permanent life changes. It says to walk every single day, no excuses, for 30 minutes, and talk to somebody when I'm finished. I'm also supposed to eat cinnamon. hmmm.
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