Looking Forward

It's the first week back at school after spring break. The first week back after a break is always difficult. The kids don't want to be there, I don't want to be there, and we're all exhausted by the time the end of the week rolls around. I have been taking a tiny bit of xanax in the mornings because otherwise I will be losing my temper and therefore control of the class. It's working so far.
We are about to have our final round of retention meetings. This is the time of year when we decide who we are actually going to retain, and we fill out the official paperwork. It's not so much fun, but necessary.
I have started donating plasma so that I don't have to get a roommate. I had no idea it paid so well! However, the last time I went in my blood was too thick, and it clotted. On top of that, I had an inept phlebotomy technician who did not place the needle properly in my vein. The result was a whole lot of wasted time and a huge bruise on my right arm because they were moving the needle around in there trying to get the blood to flow. Then I had to get stuck in the other arm! And still they only got half the plasma I usually donate. I still got paid, so who cares. The problem is I don't want to go again because the last time hurt so bad. I think I am going to tell them they need to get someone experienced to put the needle in, otherwise it's not going to go well.
I am getting ready to exercise for the first time in a long time. I set my alarm for 45 minutes earlier this morning, and I am bound and determined to get out there. My mental state is not good, and it isn't something that more medication will cure. I am feeling bad about myself because I'm so heavy right now, and the lack of exercise means less natural endorphins, which means my medication isn't as effective. This is something I need to fix myself instead of asking for more pills. This is one of the few things I have control over right now, and I know that just getting out there is going to make a huge difference in my mood. It's just so hard sometimes to put my shoes on and go.
My so-called relationship is at the breaking point. I feel as though I have to walk on eggshells to avoid arguments, and some weird shit went down yesterday that made me feel so unsettled that my stomach hurt. I got the key to my apartment back, and it's staying in the junk drawer where it belongs. I'd rather be single that have this much stress. I wish I could pick better men.
Here's to a great day! Thanks for listening, blog.