Oh yeah.

A couple of days ago I did something so completely out of character, I am still shocked by it. I bought a hammock.
Why is it so shocking? Well, a hammock has no value other than relaxation. Also, it cost over $100.00. Generally I am loath to spend that kind of money on things that are not essential, especially when they are not essential to me. But it's something I have always wanted. I had the money, and it was on clearance, so I bought it. I could have bought one that was cheaper, but it was also ugly. So not only did I splurge on a hammock, but I extra splurged on a PRETTY hammock. Oh, the humanity!
Here is me in my new hammock:

This black woman??

She (Michelle Obama) needs to reintroduce herself to America so that people won't be terrified that this BLACK WOMAN is going to be doing GOD KNOWS WHAT in the white house???
Watch this clip and tell me you are proud to be an American.
I am so f@%&ing pissed right now, I could spit.

My job is so entertaining.

Seriously, these kids crack me up! The other day I was 10 minutes late for class (it's a whole other Oprah, I was sitting in the teacher's lounge, blissfully unaware that I had to teach that period) and I walked in to find the kids sitting quietly, apparently shocked into submission by my absence. One of them told me that when they are late for something, they get reported or something like that. So I said, let me get you some paper and a pencil. You should definitely report this to somebody. He proceeded to write a two page complaint, listing all my thinking errors and insisting that I take responsibility for my actions. He made me sign at the bottom and write that I was willing to accept feedback from my students about how my tardiness affected them. He used all the lingo the treatment people use with the kids. It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life! For my thinking errors, he wrote something like this:
Selfishness - Ms. Papenfus was late because she wanted to look nice for some criminals who don't care how she looks. (I had told them I was late because I was straightening my hair. I couldn't very well tell them I had completely FORGOTTEN about them)
Uniqueness - Ms. Papenfus thinks it is ok to be late because she should have her hair straight, when nobody else here has that privelege.
He wrote some other stuff that I can't remember. It was so gosh darn funny, I am still laughing 3 days later. The administrators got their hands on it, and after thanking me for taking the time to build a relationship with this student, laughed so hard I think they almost wet their pants.
So, the bottom line is that there is good in this place.

We can all fist bump like Michelle!

We can't look as good while doing it though... check it out.

I got the t-shirt.

My daughter and I found Obama t-shirts on cafepress.com and bought one for each of us. She had a hard time believing I was spending the money, so I told her how important it was to support the candidate we believe in. I also told her she has to wear it every chance she gets because after November it will be just like the bumper stickers we all have to peel off our cars. It is just so exciting to me, to finally have a candidate I can really get behind! I am grateful that my daughters are witnessing this historic election year.

This is good

I'm tired

It's my 4th day and I am exhausted. It's the typical new job exhaustion that comes from learning new things all day. It's ok though, just today and then the weekend. Woohoo!
Today I should be getting my ID card and computer account so I can log in. I talked to the principal yesterday about getting a classroom and pulling a small group of kids out, even though I haven't been through the academy yet. So today I am going to write a plan and she said she will approve it. It's a good thing because I can't observe anymore. I'm just not the observing kind. I need to get in there and screw up and piss people off. You know, be myself.

2nd day was ok too!

I am starting to feel a little more comfortable with the boys. There is so much to learn about what is OK and what isn't. For example they don't get in trouble for throwing around the f-word, but any comment that can be construed as a threat gets them in big trouble, even if they were joking. It's a different world.
The kids' pencils have had the erasers removed because the metal band that holds the eraser to the pencil is too dangerous. Mr. B (the math teacher I am working with) says that if he gives them erasers, they throw them or tear them up or put their gang signs on them. So, we carry erasers around in our pockets and the boys have to ask to use them.
I am starting to think about how I will run my classroom. All this observation is boring but definitely worthwhile.

First day was OK!

It looks like I will be observing until June 30th and then I will start my academy training. That lasts 5 1/2 weeks, then I can get into my classroom. I will have one hella boring summer, but who cares. I am getting paid. Things I learned on my first day:
1. I need to wear clothes that de-emphasize my breasts.
2. The f-word has many more uses than I thought possible.
3. Everything not in my pockets has to be locked up. Therefore don't bring anything that won't fit in pockets.
My stupid ex-principal had the secretary call me yesterday morning and leave a message saying I needed to come in because I had never checked out. Meaning, I never had her (the principal) sign the stupid list of things I was supposed to get done before I left. I did all of them, even had people sign off. Then I threw the list away. If they wanted to inspect my classroom, they had plenty of time. I didn't call back and I'm not going to.

Watch out for Wii Fit

My daughter Jessica turned 17 last week. I got her a laptop computer - too extravagant, I agree. She needs it for an AP class she is taking in her senior year. I figure if she passes the AP test then the money saved on tuition makes the computer well worth it. Anyway, her father rarely buys her birthday presents. This year, for some inexplicable reason, he bought Wii Fit as her birthday present even though it's not really for her, it's for the whole family. She told me she thought he was making a fat joke. I asked if she wanted the game, and she said yes, and I said then it's fine, right? Although I agreed it was insensitive. Not unusual for her father.
So she gets on the balance board to play the game, which then proceeds to tell her she is very nearly FAT. She texted me to tell me that. I wrote back saying if the &*$#% machine is going to tell her she's fat, it's probably going to tell someone like me to go ahead and put a bullet in my head. She said it was cool though because you can set goals for yourself and the machine monitors your progress. Great, I said. Fantastic.
Turns out the stupid game uses BMI index to decide whether people are fat. BMI works perfectly well for adults, or those that are full grown. For anyone who is not through with their development, BMI changes weekly if not monthly because the body is still developing. That means a teenager who is stocky today may be getting ready for a growth spurt which will even them out by next month. It's not a good idea to look at a still developing body, and make a determination about that child's overall health, except in extreme cases. This is another thing parents already know, and have to prepare for every year when we take our daughters to the pediatrician. The pediatrician puts their height and weight on a chart which can tell us at a glance whether we are very nearly fat. Only they call it overweight.
We parents work hard enough to convince our daughters that nothing is wrong with their bodies; that they are beautiful just the way they are; that the people they see on TV and in magazines are not reality; that their bodies are developing NORMALLY. So thanks, Wii, for that. Thanks for telling my daughter she is VERY NEARLY FAT. Thanks for confirming her fears that she is less than a person due to her belly, or legs, or whatever body part she is fixated on these days. By thank you, what I mean to say is FUCK YOU.
I'm not the only parent having a cow, man - you can read more here.
Fucking morons. I'm so pissed.

Last day of school!

I have a sub because I am going to the 8th grade promotion. So I kind of have to dress nice. EW.
Then, I can pack up my classroom and LEAVE!!! WOOOOOOHOOOO!!!!!!

Well I got through yesterday in one piece. I went to bed at 8:30 though, I was so tired. Now just three and a half more days to go!
This year I am saying goodbye to kids that I have taught for two years. Some of them paid me the biggest compliment I think I have ever had... yesterday, as soon as they got their yearbooks, they got a pass to come to my classroom and asked me to sign. It was so awesome. Of course I was in the middle of teaching a lesson so I had to say no, I'll sign it Monday! But it made me feel really good. It's difficult to describe the emotions of letting these kids go. I've loved them unconditionally, made them work so hard many of them came to tears at one point or another, and watched them grow both physically and emotionally. They are ready for high school, most of them, without a doubt. The ones who aren't ready have been crippled by parents who refuse to let their kids be responsible for their own stuff. Not much to be done about that. They are the vast minority.
Watching them move on to high school is kind of like watching your own kid when they make some huge accomplishment, like the first time they ride a two-wheeler alone or talk themselves through solving a problem. It's a whole lot of pride, mixed with sadness knowing you'll probably never see most of them again, and hopefulness for the future of our society because these are the kids who will be in charge in 10 years and some of them are just brilliant. They come in to my classroom shorter than me, tiny, scared little things with zero self-confidence and afraid of everything! They leave much taller than me, holding the world in the palms of their hands, and believing they can do anything. It's quite a sight. I wish everyone could see it!

Today will be crazy!

All the 8th graders are going on a field trip today, so I'm spending all day with the 7th graders. They get their yearbooks today as well, which adds to the fun. I remember yearbook day when I was in school. It was hard to think about anything else. I think I'll give them time at the beginning of each period to look at them and sign them. I guess I am supposed to teach today, but I just don't see a whole lot getting done! Maybe we'll just play games.

I had a dream...

Last night I had a dream about my principal. In my dream, she called me into her office. She looked very serious. She said, "I know that you are planning on going out tonight and getting completely wasted." I said, "No, I don't have any plans like that..." She said, "I know that you are stressed and you want to blow off some steam." She was talking like she was angry about it though. And I said, "Well, let's say I am planning on tying one on. What are you worried about? That I won't come to work tomorrow?" She said, "Well..." and I said, "I am coming to work tomorrow, and the next day and the next, until the school year is over." The whole thing was so weird. Then I woke up.

I don't have anything interesting to say.

But I still feel like I need to blog. So be warned, if anyone even reads this thing: everything you are about to read is very uninteresting!
Six more days with the students left to go. They are becoming so difficult to deal with. Hyper and out of control... ugh! It takes a supreme act of patience to get through each period. Sometimes when I get really upset and I have to work extra hard not to lose my temper and just start screaming at them, it feels like my heart is palpitating or skipping beats or something. It's scary.
I have this elective class where I am teaching them how to solve linear equations using the graphing calculator. They have learned a ton, and the class always goes by fast, but they are still in shock every single day when they have an assignment to do. They think since it's an elective, they shouldn't have to actually do anything. So every day is a huge struggle. Well yesterday they wouldn't even line up right. I made them line up three times. They just didn't give a crap. So I said, "Give me a thumbs up when you are ready to come in quietly. If you want to act like 3rd graders, then that is how you'll be treated." I pointed at the first student and he gave me a thumbs down. I said, "Go to the office." I pointed at the next one, and he pointed his thumb to the side. I said, "Go to the office." The third student did the same thing. Well I can't very well send all of them to the office, and they know it. So I called the other two back, and we went inside. They thought they won... until I passed out the decimal worksheets. They sat and did worksheet after worksheet for 40 minutes. No talking, no calculator, no way to make the time go faster. The little shits. So I hope today goes better.
The 8th graders, on the other hand, even though their behavior leaves much to be desired - are factoring quadratic equations using an area model and a graphical representation. These are skills most college algebra students don't have. So I am really proud of them, because they learned it.

7 days

7 days left after today. I'm getting through the school day hour by hour at this point! The kids are completely off the wall. One good thing about the school I am going to next, there is no summer break! There is no break, period!

19 days

I am finding it easier to ignore my asshat principal. I'm not hiding in my room anymore or keeping a low profile. If she wants to come after me, then by all means! I wish I could just tell her. Give me what you got. You'll come out on the wrong end of that tangle, I can promise you that. I've definitely come up against worse than a passive- agressive, cowardly superbitch. I've got math teaching to do, so get out of my way.
Speaking of math teaching, I am pushing my students so hard it's not even funny. It is one good way of keeping them from noticing there are only 18 days of school left. I'm treating the 8th graders like high school algebra students, and the 7th graders like 8th graders. The only thing I am not doing is piling on the homework. I keep giving them problems that are just above their current level of math, and then putting them in groups and making them struggle through it. I'm not helping them. They are exhausted by the time they leave. And sometimes pissed at me. That's ok... they are learning. Not just math, but learning how to problem solve and get by on their own. I only step in when I see a group getting ready to come to blows. They are doing great! I'm so proud of them.

Can I call it a harvest?

I got all these tomatoes from my plant today! It's almost enough for a salad!!

21 more days

That's all I have to do... just 21 more days. It is increasingly stressful at work. I called my principal on Sunday with a nasty cold, to let her know I wouldn't be in on Monday. She didn't get me a sub, so the rest of my team had to cover my classes. She had her secretary call me Monday morning to check and see if I was really sick. Then when I got mad, she said I misunderstood the phone call. Yesterday after one of my classes I was answering questions about the homework right after the dismissal bell, and I looked up to see her leaving my classroom. A few minutes later I got an email saying I needed to be at my door between classes. She saw me talking to the students... what am I supposed to do, ignore them so I can stand in the doorway?? The only thing that makes me feel better is to keep packing up my room, so that on the last day I can leave faster than a speeding bullet. I'm not going to the stupid pot-luck, either.
In the meantime I just keep repeating that saying about people being about as happy as they make up their minds to be, and make my mind up to be happy.

It's almost official.

I got a call yesterday from the people at the state, offering me the job at the correctional school. The salary is higher than I expected and they are very eager to get me on board. They wanted me to give two weeks notice. I'm certain those positions are so difficult to fill that when they get somebody who is qualified, they want to get right on it. I am going to the school on May 7th to shadow the math teacher so I can see what my days will look like. Now I just have to get through the corrections officer academy.... ugh. They had better not make me run.